Help and support please

Theexwife

They live here so I assume you get to see them more than your daughter in laws family does, it makes sense that they would go to France for a visit when it is an event.

You say that the things you give do not see the light of day, unless you are seeing them everyday you would not know when things are worn or used.

Complaining about things that you give and stating you are generous are not a good look.

Why? Isn't dad involved in father's day events as well?

Perhaps he deserves Father's Day with his family?

NewNana2

I totally understand your point. It’s good to read honest responses. Thank you.

If you are new to GN you may not realise that a lot of people don't read RTFT (read the flipping thread) and post the same opinion as others without realising that you have already said that you have taken things on board. It's not personal, although it can seem like a concerted attack .

Re the gifts: is it possible that the things from her family, especially clothes and toys, are -well- French looking. Which is more to her taste than British looking, if you see what I mean.

We all had outfits given to our babies that were our favourites and others that just weren’t our first choice.

Oh yes! - surely other grans remember being given pink frilly sets with lacy pants for their baby girls when all you wanted was a lime-green/purple/orange stripey baby grows!

I had a collection of nylon romper suits for my boys.

My mother sent me British-style babygrows when we lived in America (baby no.2). The American ones at that time were generally full of polyester.

Op

Your son and dil are not you and your dh when you had kids - they will not do the same things you did, they will find their own way

Please drop that expectation because it is only hurting you

I agree with most of what has been posted. It's not a competition who spends most time with whom, it's often down to location. Try to be generous with your love.

However, if NewNana's DH is the father of her son, then it was his Father's Day too so I hope he at least received a card and/or phone call 🙂

Norah

Theexwife

They live here so I assume you get to see them more than your daughter in laws family does, it makes sense that they would go to France for a visit when it is an event.

You say that the things you give do not see the light of day, unless you are seeing them everyday you would not know when things are worn or used.

Complaining about things that you give and stating you are generous are not a good look.

Why? Isn't dad involved in father's day events as well?

Perhaps he deserves Father's Day with his family?

I should have read the whole thread before I posted; I said the same as Norah
It was, presumably, the new Grandad's Father's Day too 🙂

Umm I think I’m right in saying it was Fathets Day in France too.

More than one Dad/Grandad in the family, you know.

NotSpaghetti

My mother sent me British-style babygrows when we lived in America (baby no.2). The American ones at that time were generally full of polyester.

I used to send my daughter dresses etc from M &S for my granddaughter when she lived in America NotSpaghetti their casual clothing was excellent but not so much the more formal things. This was over 30 years ago now though.

It's your son's first father's day?

I'd have thought the idea of being on holiday for father's day very appealing to him!

Don't sit and compare... be involved, make plans, send invites and be supportive

New parents especially will go where the least stress is

I think there is a huge amount lost in OP's situation in the translation. If OP is 'very English' and daughter in law is French there will be some linguistic misunderstandings. I know this because my cousin was married to a French lady and when she spoke English she was very forthright and could upset 'her very English' in laws who would think but not say what she vocalised. Perhaps have a conversation with son about the 'right' words as he is most likely bi-lingual.

When your son married his wife, she didn’t agree to ‘join’ your family and he did not agree to ‘join’ hers; they agreed to create a new, nuclear family together. Unfortunately this is proving difficult for you as your son has now ‘flown the nest’

They do say a son is a son til he takes him a wife, a daughter is a daughter for all of her life.

When sons grow up, they will often distance themselves from their parents and take their place as head of their own family.

Daughters radiate towards their own mothers, especially after having a child, as your mother is normally your most trusted person in the world and you have a lifetime of love, nurturing and experiences with her so it makes sense that a daughter will go to her when navigating motherhood herself.

Unfortunately you cannot dictate how their nuclear family chooses to spend any holidays, nor have any say in who they spend their holidays with.

The most you can do is extend an invitation to them OR say that if they are available for any holidays then you would go and visit (but don’t be visibly annoyed or dismissive if they say no) but they have their own family now and you need to just respect that.