“You’re here to help not to have cuddles”

Hithere

"Doesn't mean they're going wrench the little mite of their parents arms, wake them up just to satisfy their need or sit down and expect to be waited on with cups of tea."

I have seen it happened.

Hithere you've met my mother-in-law then? 🤣

The title of the thread is:

“You’re here to help not to have cuddles”

which is what her son said to her.
Slightly unfeeling.

Herefornow

What are these wrong words OP?

Babababa, Dadadada, Mamamama, Dindins, Moocow, Doggy, Pussycat perhaps??

Baby (or Child), Father, Mother, Dinner (or Supper), Cow, Dog, Cat instead?

“You’re here to help not to have cuddles”
😯

"Where's my coat"?

Smileless2012

Well it is unrelated Hithere. A GC isn't just a child you see on the street, or a friends' baby and it's the most natural thing in the world for a GP to say they can't wait to cuddle their baby GC.

Doesn't mean they're going wrench the little mite of their parents arms, wake them up just to satisfy their need or sit down and expect to be waited on with cups of tea.

Sounds like you met my father In law. He did all those things. Including visiting when sick and having a tantrum we wouldn’t let him hold the baby when sick.

Sometimes over excited grandparents let their emotions/wants get the better of them.

It took years for our relationship to recover.

Urmstongran

I think that comment was incredibly rude. I’d go and cut my nose off to spite my face. Help out. Be very attentive to this precious newbie mum. Only peep at the baby and say ‘oh isn’t he/she darling’ and make absolutely no effort to want/initiate a cuddle. Then ‘bye’ from me and ‘hope to see you soon’ (when you’ve discovered your manners new parents). They’ll be asking you to make an appointment next. You’ll be walking on eggshells. I wouldn’t want to play those games. Ye gods.

I’ve never understood this annoyance at being asked to “make an appointment” surely all visits should happen at mutually agreeable times?

Or do you just show up at peoples houses and expect them to entertain you?

Summerlove

Urmstongran

I think that comment was incredibly rude. I’d go and cut my nose off to spite my face. Help out. Be very attentive to this precious newbie mum. Only peep at the baby and say ‘oh isn’t he/she darling’ and make absolutely no effort to want/initiate a cuddle. Then ‘bye’ from me and ‘hope to see you soon’ (when you’ve discovered your manners new parents). They’ll be asking you to make an appointment next. You’ll be walking on eggshells. I wouldn’t want to play those games. Ye gods.

I’ve never understood this annoyance at being asked to “make an appointment” surely all visits should happen at mutually agreeable times?

Or do you just show up at peoples houses and expect them to entertain you?

Of course we do!!

So do they 😀

You do show up unannounced ? And others do it to you?

What if you had plans? Or we’re watching a movie?

I don’t get it.

Don't turn up at my house unannounced

Unless you are dropping off chocolate and don't want to come in

Summerlove

You do show up unannounced ? And others do it to you?

What if you had plans? Or we’re watching a movie?

I don’t get it.

Some of us have good relationships with our adult kids and amazingly we can pop in to see them anytime and they do the same with us. Shocking ain’t it?😁
It’s called dropping in for a cuppa.

VioletSky

Don't turn up at my house unannounced

Unless you are dropping off chocolate and don't want to come in

Don’t worry, I sure won’t, but one of your family may do one day, would you hide behind the sofa or what?

Or they are too polite to say anything

Some families love each other VioletSky and don’t feel they need to make diary appointments when they want to see each other.It’s called being a close family.

I realise not everyone is lucky enough to have this sort of relationship, they make appointments as if for the dentist, or are only allowed to see the grandchildren every six months, walk on eggshells in case they upset somebody and go home and cry after visits to adult kids ( have heard enough of these stories on forums it’s sad beyond belief.) But it’s not like that for everyone.

Not all close families work the same way and neither do all people

If you measure closeness by your ability to pop in whenever you feel like it, you may one day disappoint yourself when you come across someone who would rather you made an arrangement

Because that person would see you respecting the fact that they prefer notice as "closeness". And you would end up spoiling a perfectly good relationship

Hasn’t happened yet.
I realise you have a different vibe going VioletSky and that’s your business.
I wouldn't pop in unannounced to a friends house btw but our family see nothing wrong in coming and going freely.😃

Oreo

Some families love each other VioletSky and don’t feel they need to make diary appointments when they want to see each other.It’s called being a close family.

Oreo The two things are not mutually exclusive.

We all have busy lives and regard it as courteous to schedule visits, or at least to phone ahead to check a 'drop in- would be convenient.

NewNana2 The first part of Urmstongran's advice is exactly what a health visitor advised many new grans around here. A brief, helpful visit armed with a meal to pop into the microwave is well-worthwhile, and both parents need to be told that they are doing a great job.

Some families love each other VioletSky and don’t feel they need to make diary appointments when they want to see each other.It’s called being a close family.

What if you're in the bath.
Bathing multiple kids.
Just got back from school.
After school clubs.
Not at home.
Doing a food shop.
Just started cooking tea.
Homework.
Meetings.
Having a nap.
Just got the baby for a nap.
Planned to have a friend/aunt/cousin pop in.
Got the health visitor.
Docs appointment.
Phone meeting.
Gone for a swim or walk.
Washing my hair.

It's not about a loving family, it's about making sure they aren't busy and showing respect.

Exactly march

It sounds to me as if it has to be the new parents’ way or the highway! That’s the choice.

Some prickly defensive comments here.
Washing hair? Just got back from school?😂
Most of those activities wouldn’t matter to my DD’s and of course if they were out then I’d just come home, no biggie.
I live close to all my family which is why we all come and go.
Thankfully none of us ‘would regard it as courteous to schedule visits’. Have already said everyone’s different but there will be many like my family too, happily bound up in each others lives.
Can’t be done if you live many miles away of course.

Oreo

Hasn’t happened yet.
I realise you have a different vibe going VioletSky and that’s your business.
I wouldn't pop in unannounced to a friends house btw but our family see nothing wrong in coming and going freely.😃

Exactly, I do things differently

My children do things differently

We are close because we respect those differences

If I were to have expectations and decide if they weren't met, we weren't a close family, I'd only be hurting myself

aonk

It sounds to me as if it has to be the new parents’ way or the highway! That’s the choice.

If you go on different forums aonk you’ll see loads of sad posts from Grans who can’t do anything right in the eyes of their own adult kids or DIL.They creep around on eggshells terrified they’ll be cut out of grandkids lives for daring to venture an opinion or giving a child a biscuit, and of course the even sadder estrangement threads.Where did all this crapola come from? Self help gurus?

Yeah exactly VioletSky we both do things very differently.

Callistemon21

^“You’re here to help not to have cuddles”^
😯

"Where's my coat"?

Quite! 👍🏻