“You’re here to help not to have cuddles”

Sounds to me like your son is an excellent husband who is giving you the information you need to keep the relationship healthy.

His wife just had a baby. Her hormones are tanking. She's sleep deprived (as is he). She might be dealing with postpartum anxiety or postpartum rage. He sees that and is giving you tips to head off any hot buttons.

It's valid for you to think it's a bit much and to be offended, but take his words as a blessing. Your son feels comfortable enough to communicate their needs. He cares enough about the health of their relationship with you to give you a heads up about her triggers.

You can stand on ceremony and share your annoyance, or you can take this as privileged inside information that will ensure the best possible visits.

I wish my husband would've communicated triggers like these with his mother before she came by. "Cuddle" wasn't on my list, but other things were. It was a short list of things she said that (maybe 3 or 4) that made me want to move far away every time she visited. Things/action that may have sounded completely harmless to you, but caused me terrible distress every time.

Good post Mama2020 I feel.

Yes. Be thankful he can flag up potential problems to make life easier for everyone. 🤞

I just saw your prior post about daughter in law's parents living in France. How old is your grandson that you're frustrated by them spending every baby milestone with her parents? And surely a first fathers' day is your son's milestone to be spent as he chooses, rather than to be spent meeting your expectations?

My parents and my in laws are not local to each other. We live closer to my in laws. We do our best to alternate holidays by the year (for example, Mother's Day this year with my in laws means Mother's Day next year with my parents; Father's Day this year with my parents means Father's Day next year with my in laws). Sometimes it works out perfectly even, and sometimes circumstances throw off the schedule a bit. We do our best and we never plan anything with the intention to spite one side or the other. I appreciate your disappointment, but please remember that she has parents, too. The quickest way to ruin the joy of family holidays together is to make everything a contest.

I reckon most sons have to choose who to support most, DIL or mother. I think your son has definitely put his money on her ! MIL / DIL friction is a bit like WW3 so don't go there !

rafichagran

For heavens sake where has this all come from, your son is rude, he said you are here to help, not nice to see you Mum or even treating you kindly.
I love my son and daughter but would not take this cr.p.
I am sick of hearing about hormones and all other things, it does not give anyone the right to behave like this. I never have this with my Grandchildren.
For the sake of seeing your Grandchild you need to be careful, pleasant and not overstep, but it would stick in my throat.

Looks like he's the one with the hormonal problem. We have no idea if the DIL was at the bottom of this.

joycerousselot123

I reckon most sons have to choose who to support most, DIL or mother. I think your son has definitely put his money on her ! MIL / DIL friction is a bit like WW3 so don't go there !

All should choose to support spouse - husband or wife , over parents/pil. Wives support their husbands first, over all others.

I know where I sleep and who I always support, same to my husband.

Absolutely agree Norah! If my son chose to support anyone over their wife than I have failed as a parent in modeling what a strong marriage looks like When our own dear children were small they used to play at a game of “who’s your favorite “ with Dh evenings when he would return from work or from business travel, and he would laugh, and tease and always come back to “your mother is my favorite “. And I know I heard him reminding our oldest when his wife was first expecting years ago that the greatest gift he could ever give that little girl was to love her mother wholly and without condition. Same always went for myself

I'm glad to know I'm not the only one. I sometimes think that my DiL thinks I'm a member of her staff but my son is always trying to manage what I do or say. It's a minefield, but just follow their lead and bite your tongue if necessary. xx

I think sadly we have all met those people in life who think they are the Main character and think the rest of us support characters should do things their way...

Everyone has individual needs and telling us is a good thing, we have the opportunity to show respect