“You’re here to help not to have cuddles”

Way back when I was a new mum, I was given opposing pieces of advice even from GP and midwife, but it seems even more of a minefield these days. So glad my grandchildren are young adults now, not that their mums were tricky like today’s are.
Tread carefully, OP.

I wouldn't want to play them either Urmstongran, they could go on for years couldn't they.

Never seen it happen Hithere. I've have heard of it but only on GN which is why I wouldn't tar all GP's with the same brush.

Smileless2012

Maybe if they expect NewNana just to help and not have any cuddles, they should pay her MadeInYorkshire.

Exactly, lol ....

True Smiles, maybe OP being 'tactile' means she's a cuddler and the parents are more of a 'putting them down to settle'.

Maybe son is struggling/tierd and came off a bit short.

The whole situation doesn't sound unfixable, just follow their parenting style rather than giving 'suggestions'.

I think that comment was incredibly rude. I’d go and cut my nose off to spite my face. Help out. Be very attentive to this precious newbie mum. Only peep at the baby and say ‘oh isn’t he/she darling’ and make absolutely no effort to want/initiate a cuddle. Then ‘bye’ from me and ‘hope to see you soon’ (when you’ve discovered your manners new parents). They’ll be asking you to make an appointment next. You’ll be walking on eggshells. I wouldn’t want to play those games. Ye gods.

Happen, autocorrect!

"Doesn't mean they're going wrench the little mite of their parents arms, wake them up just to satisfy their need or sit down and expect to be waited on with cups of tea."

I have seen it happened.

Good post March but I don't see what saying you can't wait to cuddle the baby has to do with it .

I’m very tactile with the baby whereas dil is a new mum and process driven led by what she’s read on internet or seen from own mum. It feels to me that she wants her guidelines to be followed to the letter. No deviation from what she has said. There’s no room for any other suggestions.

I think that's like any new parent.
New guidelines are put in place all the time, even things I was was advised to do with my now teenager weren't advised with my now toddler son.
It sounds like you're a great help with practical things but parenting is really down to them and what they think is best.

Maybe OP has given a few unasked for opinions, as this bit stood out for me and her son is getting a heads up to follow their parenting style.

Time is on your side, you can always wait as long as necessary.

PoppyBlue

Definitely sounds like he's giving you a heads up before you visit.

Indeed.

Listen and take heed. I suspect this will pass given time.

Our GD, upon delivering her first advised her mum (our daughter, who I had previously viewed as a reasonable person), "Please, allow me the joy of learning on my own". Daughter did, all is well.

Maybe if they expect NewNana just to help and not have any cuddles, they should pay her MadeInYorkshire.

out of their parents arms

Well it is unrelated Hithere. A GC isn't just a child you see on the street, or a friends' baby and it's the most natural thing in the world for a GP to say they can't wait to cuddle their baby GC.

Doesn't mean they're going wrench the little mite of their parents arms, wake them up just to satisfy their need or sit down and expect to be waited on with cups of tea.

Have to say it sounds a bit dodgy to me - sounds as though his wife has said something to him?

Being there to help AND have cuddles is important to you, and if they think that you are only there just to help, and not to even have a cuddle I don't think that's fair.

Tread carefully ....

Definitely sounds like he's giving you a heads up before you visit.

Some grandparents have a hard time understanding DNA is not a pass for assuming anything

Would you just cuddle a child you see on tbe street?
No, right? (I hope)

I have nto cuddled with my friends' babies till their parents offered, and I have known them for years

Same as kiss them, offer candy w/o asking the parents first, ask what present to buy them.... etc

(Ready to hear how this is totally unrelated and grandparents want the best for their gc)

Sounds like he is trying to warn you his wife is fragile just now and does not want help with baby but just practical help round house.
Probably best to do as he says or you risk not being invited. It wasn't like that with our DD's but all 3 babies were permanently attached to mummy so we were handed the babies so they could eat, bathe and rest.
Some new parents are like your DiL and it's just how they are.

Honesty sorry

Your son gave you a gift - how to have a good relationship with them

Please realize how his honestly and boundaries build good relationships

To be clear is to be kind, which can be misinterpreted as rude by other people

If you want to bond with their child, babysitting, sleep overs, etc (assuming parents are ok with those) - respect the parent's rules without showing them how stupid you think those rules are

Get the parents mad and.... plenty of threads here how grandparents feel excluded and second class.

I hope all goes well NewNana and that as well as being helpful and useful, you'll be able to be a GM too.

We never knew our GC but whenever I read threads like this, I can't help but be thankful that we don't have to jump through hoops and walk on egg shells.

I wish you well .

So true nadateturbe
it sounds like the son is trying to pour oil on troubled waters at home and not thinking how it might sound to his mother. My first thought was how rude of him to treat his mother as an employee. However its probably better to go with the flow for a while, sounds like you are doing all you can to help newnana2.
I think I would have to say something eventually if things didn't change.

Is this the one Aveline?

youtu.be/WLk9zojR_kw

Your son did you a huge favour.

He told you things aren't proceeding smoothly in their home, to watch what you say, not offer opinions or your advice, and to be a real help - which holding babies is decidedly not.

I didn't want advice nor opinions over 60 years ago, why would a new mother want advice now? Help with the cooking, maybe. Opinions, no.

Arrive with no expectations. Smile and nod, be kind and forgiving.

Imo the key sentence is 'What would you like me to do?'
Time spent alone with DGC is the best.