Unflattering photo of me on Facebook

As you're upset by it, I'd ask her to take it down. At least then you can, hopefully, forget about it. Also, if she has 'tagged' you in it, you can remove that tag yourself, so no more of your FB friends will see it.

Having said that, I bet no-one else has noticed that it's not flattering - they're probably too concerned about how they look themselves.

Still, as it bothers you then it's quite reasonable to ask for it to be removed.

PS I think it's important to remember that anyone who knows you will know that it's not flattering. They know the real you and not the posed one. Photos, being stills, are never entirely natural - especially when they're posed.

The truth is that most people only look at themselves in photo's.. I doubt that any one of your colleagues has even noticed you

A few years ago I appeared on a group photo at a school reunion and it was DIRE! The person who took it did so from a funny angle and I look a very matronly shape, made even worse because I am holding a large bag in front of me!

I considered asking for it to be taken off but in the end I just tried not to think about it. It is truly awful.

Could this particular photo be “photoshopped” ?

Thanks everyone for your very helpful responses - I love that about Gransnet (very truthful and thought-provoking answers). After much careful thought, I’ve decided NOT to ask the ex-colleague to remove the photo from Facebook. I’m still embarrassed by it, but I’ve learned to accept it and move on. After all - as others have rightfully said - people will be scrutinising photos of themselves, not me, and also those that know me well will just think it’s an unflattering photo of me and not give it another thought (after they’ve had a bit of a wry smile about it!). It’s my lack of self-esteem that makes me worried about the photo and I often feel “not good enough” so the posting of the photo has tapped into my insecurities in a big way. I was very tempted to ask the poster to remove the photo, but I think that the moment has passed now and I don’t want to upset her (never mind me!) by asking her to remove it, even though I’d choose my words carefully. I don’t know her that well and i’m unsure about how she’d react. Maybe she’d think I was being overly sensitive and awkward. Well she’d be correct in that assumption! Thanks again - the person who suggested I may be rather self-obsessed may well be correct! Again, it’s my very low self-esteem rearing it’s ugly head! I shall politely ask - next time - not to post photos of me on Facebook or refuse a photo altogether. I think I can alter my settings in Facebook too (so that people can’t post my photo - not sure how that works!).

I do understand how you feel. I needed an implant at the front of my mouth and the dentist evened up my two front teeth. The trouble is, the teeth on one side are longer than the other and now it looks like I've had a stroke when I smile! Now all my photographs are completely unflattering! When I comment on it, everybody is surprised that I feel like that. Sometimes, I flip my photos and I look a little more like me. We only ever see ourselves as a reflection so we never see ourselves as others see us.
Personally, I would just let it go.

I don’t like having to pose for photographs either so I understand your irritation. Someone recently took the worse photo of me I was caught off guard unaware of being snapped. She thought it was hilarious and forwarded it probably to all and sundry. I told her I wasn’t impressed and haven’t bothered with her since.

Don’t give it a second thought honeyrose. The people who know you know exactly what you look like anyway, and the rest of the world will give it a passing glance, if anything. Nobody will be pointing and laughing.

My trouble is I never “pose” for photos. I have friends who look lovely on photos but one turns sideways on and does a big smile that shows all her teeth. Another stands slightly to one side and positions her feet carefully.

I just stand straight on and hope for the best. I have a small mouth and even when I do a big smile you can’t really see my teeth. I usually look like I have escaped from somewhere. 🤣

DD is a professional photographer so if I need a good photo I ask her. Her expensive lenses can do wonders with the light and with skin tones 😍
She also has a good eye, a wealth of experience and she knows how upset I'd be if she took an awful photo.

I hate every photo of me and have asked family to take photos down in the past. I have never had the guts to ask a friend or colleague to do so though.
As I have got older though, I realise everyone will only be looking at themselves in those photos, and probably hating themselves too, so I worry less.

Recently I have looked back at photos I hated when I was in my 30’s/40’s.
I now realise I was not fat. And I was not ugly. I really wish I could have liked myself more when I was back then
Especially now I am fat (confirmed by gym body analysis ) and certainly losing those youthful looks!

Today I took a photo of myself on my laptop.
So I was looking at myself, as in a mirror, to start with, then immediately looking at the same as if from another person's viewpoint.
I was amazed how different it was.

PinkCosmos mentioned Marilyn Monroe .
Eve Arnold took many photographs of her and said that she had had a golden glow ( I can't recall her exact expression ) .
It meant that she photographed well .

I thought the same of Diana ,The Princess of Wales .
I met her at a cocktail party and later at a concert .
Wearing a simple suit - she seemed to exclude a golden glow

Exude not exclude !

honeyrose, ask yourself who will see it - apart from those who've already taken a look. I think you'd just be making a big fuss about nothing if you asked for it to be removed. Surely, that's potentially more embarrassing?

My (short, chubby) friend is always hiding behind somebody else in group photographs, often with a really silly, funny expression on her face. Who, exactly, is she hiding from? Only herself, as we all know what she looks like anyway. We do love her - but she makes such a fool of herself with this vanity.

I never post photos of anyone on fb without asking them first. Only courteous.

I had this a while back I don’t actually ever post photos of myself or anyone, I know on Facebook so I was upset. The photo was horrible yet the ones on my phone were ok. I asked for the photo to be taken down. The person came back to me and said maybe what you see is not what I see which really made me think. I don’t think other see what we see. I pointed out that my first husband was very violent and I had moved away from him and never out photos on Facebook. She removed it right away , but had she not I would have reported it to Facebook. She probably doesn’t see the photo in the same was as you do, but she should have asked you, however you could also let people know you do not want your photo taken .

Hetty58

honeyrose, ask yourself who will see it - apart from those who've already taken a look. I think you'd just be making a big fuss about nothing if you asked for it to be removed. Surely, that's potentially more embarrassing?

My (short, chubby) friend is always hiding behind somebody else in group photographs, often with a really silly, funny expression on her face. Who, exactly, is she hiding from? Only herself, as we all know what she looks like anyway. We do love her - but she makes such a fool of herself with this vanity.

I don't think it's vanity to not want my photo taken. For some people, it's a case of cripplingly low self-esteem or self-confidence.

Philippa111

People are usually far too busy looking at their own photos and not liking them that I'm sure they will hardly notice yours.

And in any case we all know how people actually look.

At the very worst they might say it was an unflattering photo of you.

Just let it go if you can.

Exactly what I was thinking. I have been tagged in Facebook photos that seem to add at least five stones to me. I am not at all photogenic. However,almost everyone I know feels the same way about themselves. I think British people are awkward about drawing attention to themselves at the best of times, which is why we find it so difficult to pose for photos. A Facebook post is generally here today, gone tomorrow so my advice would be to try and forget the photo but remember what a lovely time you had.

I had a photo taken of me in my dressing gown with my granddaughter which my DiL put online. I was not happy about. I usually dress first thing but got up at some unearthly hour to be with my granddaughter, thinking I was helping. I won't be doing it again! Just a thought Honeyrose, maybe practise a camera smile you're happy with in front of a mirror to help for the future and don't worry, it's what we are inside that counts.

honeyrose!
Everybody knows that photos can be REALLY unflattering and have nothing to do with the actual person. ALWAYS blame the photographer!!!
On a more general note; shouldn't it be the rule that anyone taking photos should check with everyone that they agree to their photo being posted? I don't do social media ( other than Gransnet) so am not au fait with the 'rules.

Some years ago I was looking at a photo of me and moaning that I looked fat. My then teenage son said, No you don’t, you look mum- size. I’ve never forgotten that loving comment 😊

Everyone looks better in real life if they are moving, when you are frozen in time you don't have the life in you.
Console yourself with the fact that people will quickly recognise you in the photo but then move on to the next one, they won't analyse it in the way that you do yourself.
I hate having my photo taken, I always think I look awful but in reality I probably just look like that!

Diplomat

I had a photo taken of me in my dressing gown with my granddaughter which my DiL put online. I was not happy about. I usually dress first thing but got up at some unearthly hour to be with my granddaughter, thinking I was helping. I won't be doing it again! Just a thought Honeyrose, maybe practise a camera smile you're happy with in front of a mirror to help for the future and don't worry, it's what we are inside that counts.

But no pouting please!