Manipulative sister part 2

Nana56 Just wondering how anyone else would feel.

I'd feel sad if my sibling couldn't eat for whatever reason.

I'd serve tea, toast, butter, cream cheese and various home made pots of jam next visit - assuming she might happily eat. If that was another 'no' I'd re-think before the next visit.

I do serve tea/coffee with toast and jam often to GC and workers who help my husband - works a treat, everyone is pleased.

Maybe as Urmstongran said, tell her that it is her company that you enjoy, you can eat anytime. Perhaps a light buffet type meal so you can both eat what you wish. If that fails, then invite her after lunch for coffee. No need for everyone else's meals to be disrupted. Awaiting a transplant must be stressful, but there is no need for everyone else to be dancing around trying to please if she is not being clear on what she can/will eat.

I would not serve meat in any form if it goes in the bin. Animals were not reared and slaughtered to be thrown in the rubbish. Norah’s suggestion sounds excellent and avoids too much waste - left over toast will be enjoyed by the birds.

i would just put out sandwiches, cake and biscuits, if she comment's just say, no point in cooking as you just put it in the bin, as i have not seen part one of this post, why does she come twice a week? why not make it once a week or say why don't we get a takeaway, stop putting up with this pettiness.

Either provide a light buffet so she can pick and choose. There should be no waste - I hate throwing away food. Or, ask her to bring a packed lunch. Food is getting more expensive.

Germanshepherdsmum

I would not serve meat in any form if it goes in the bin. Animals were not reared and slaughtered to be thrown in the rubbish. Norah’s suggestion sounds excellent and avoids too much waste - left over toast will be enjoyed by the birds.

Left over toast, even buttered or spread with cream cheese, can also be cut up in small dice and frozen for breakfast casseroles.

We use leftover cubed breads often, transformed into this-that.

Certainly never meat waste, as GSM said - not why animals are raised.

Sounds to me as though she's got her hook into you, and she's playing you like a fish. Don't let her reel you in. I'd break the line by simply telling her that you don't see the point in her continuing to come for dinner, as she never seems to like what you prepare, and you hate waste. If you still want to see her on a regular basis, which I don't think I would, perhaps suggest a coffee morning instead. You can always look forward to eating any unconsumed biscuits/cakes yourself, at your own leisure. Take back control.

Just put the food out in serving bowls and let her help herself, if she still throws the food in the bin then I would not invite he again.
I’m not sure why when you are doing the same thing you expect a different result.

Is dinner too early in the day for your sister? Served around mid-day perhaps and she's not that hungry for a big meal.
Perhaps she's not bothered about having a dinner and doesn't like to tell you.
I would mention that you've noticed that most of the meal has to be thrown away and would she like a light meal instead,

Or, which is what we do in my house - everyone has a dinner plate and helps themselves from serving dishes. Your sister should then only take what she wants. If you dish everything up for her she is bound to chuck some of it away!

I'm not sure why you are not asking her what she would like to eat or if she would like smaller portions etc ...as you have noticed that she is not eating much of what you cook! Acknowledge the renal failure and ask if there are foods she needs to avoid. If you are going to carry on inviting her, communicate. Otherwise give up inviting her!

Yes, communication is so important. How else would anyone know another person’s feelings, likes, dislikes etc.?

Is it a definite invite for her to have a meal with you , or is she just visiting to spend time at your house?
If it’s not a definite meal invite just put out some homemade cakes and savory bits then if she wants to eat any of it that’s up to her.
If it’s a definite meal invite why don’t you ask her what she fancies before she comes

I also thought it might be to do with her illness but she is making you feel resentful and I think you need to address this for your own sake.

I have just looked back on the thread and see she doesn’t eat bread, so assuming that means any bread sandwiches and toast are out. I can only suggest you’re upfront with her and ask her what she wants to eat and how much, and what her illness precludes her from eating, as she seems to throw a lot away. Surely as sisters you can talk honestly with one another.

I don’t know if this is a midday or evening meal as ‘dinner’ means different things to different people, but although I only eat a slice of toast for breakfast I can’t imagine wanting a large meal at what I call lunchtime.

It is possible she doesn't want to admit it but she's lonely, and she comes to share time with you and maybe your grandchild, too!
Could, or would, you suggest going to a nearby cafe for a spot of lunch? Then you all get a bit of exercise and something else to talk about, and she can choose what she wants to eat!

I would google research a renal diet, and also ask her if she has been given a list of foods to restrict or avoid.

I would also be busy for one of the visits and cut back to once per week - and see what happens then…

Had a chat and apparently she enjoys meals !!

As your sister has a serious renal problem she has to be careful with her diet - if unsure Google the DASH diet .

Offer her the best that you can prepare and then - if she doesn't eat it - you've done your best ... don't feel guilty .

Cook for yourself and enjoy it .

I've had three weeks of what I call The Ice Cream Wars with my father .
I have a whole freezer full of every type of ice cream and now , he wants steamed puddings with custard .

I've had the pasta wars , the biscuit wars ...

It is exhausting and thankless .

And I'm totally fed up with some members of my inconsiderate family and the endless food fads ... the so - called allergies .

Before now , I've blown nearly a weeks housekeeping on the right food and wine in Waitrose and if they turn up , they are very late and the food isn't this and it isn't that ...

Why do you put yourself through these ‘wars’? Just need to change your attitude to this situation and don’t pander to family members. Life is too short and it certainly is creating ill feelings. Would these people do the same for you and pander to your likes and dislikes? I don’t think so. Best of luck.

Have you thought of asking her over just for coffee and a chat? Or for lunch?
It may just be too late for her?
As Urmstongran says,
Tell her it’s her company you enjoy and that it doesn’t matter really what she fancies - ask what she'd like. It may be egg on toast. It may be to visit in the morning.

I think I'd just invite her for a light, snack lunch, or perhaps even a coffee morning. Maybe just calmly explain that she doesn't seem to like anything you offer for dinner, and that you hate waste. Take it from there, depending upon her reaction, but don't be manipulated into doing things you don't want to. It's your life.

Thanks for all your comments. I have asked her what she fancies and she says she likes my meals. As for diet she doesn't stick to renal diet. Eats what I consider unhealthy fast food.
Last week I said would cook burgers. That's lovely she said. Gave her small portion and half went in the bin. Aghh

how about letting her serve herself.
i prefer that scenario, the food on the table, take what you want.
feels more relaxed.
maybe her appetite is just shrunk.

She is playing with you.
The fact that she has a renal diet and ignores it shows she is using it as a means of upsetting you and everyone else. Very foolish.

If you want your sister to continue coming, (and it is very good of you if you do) ask her the day before what she wants to eat and ask her to bring it with her, then there will be 'no problem with you buying the wrong food.' See how long that lasts.