How to keep 12 year old granddaughter occupied and happy

I don't think you can force her to be happy, I'm afraid. She maybe just needs to be on her own at times. After all, she's nearly a teenager. Ask her what she would like to do? Although that risks a shrug, and "nothing." Take her shopping to buy something for her? Teach her to knit, sew, crochet. I know you said she isn't into crafts, but maybe she doesn't know how. Does she have to go with you when you visit your mum? If so, that could be very boring for someone her age. Ask her what her favourite authors are and encourage her to read. Teach her card games, play board games. Do a jigsaw together against the clock. I think she needs space though

I guess it depends where you live. Round our way there’s loads of activities for that age group in the holidays organised by different clubs etc. Youth drama, tennis, football, water sports, creative writing, music and dance.

It might be a bit late to sign up for some, but worth looking?

Thanks ladies. She says she is not interested in joining anything. I might try again though, you never know. I might take her with me to a craft shop tomorrow and just see if she fancies trying something.

I don't take her with me when I visit my mother. Mum is quite unwell so I don't think its appropriate for either of them.

I think the comment about forcing her to be happy is a good point actually. I didn't think about it that way. I suppose I just want to 'fix' things for her and maybe it's just not possible.

Look in the local library and sports complex; they will have activities available and might spark suggestions for things for her to try, one day tasters.
See what subjects interest her at school (if any) and investigate if there are any online activities that would engage.
She seems to be going through a bad patch , and perhaps a period of boredom and also no pressure, however kindly intentioned, is what she needs.

You say she is not near any of her school friends, but is there any possibility of inviting one to stay for a few days? Of course friend and her parents would have to be willing.

I was an only child but my mother usually arranged for a friend to come with us if we were going on holidays - even going to grandparents for a few days or a Sunday lunch. It must be very lonely for a 12 year old to be on her own with grandparents, no matter how hard you try to find activities for her.

Oh dear she sounds a bit down would it be possible to ask a school friend over for the day or could you introduce her to some young people in your town area
12 is a notoriously difficult age neither one thing or the other I feel sorry for you both it’s not easy trying to entertain a young teen who doesn’t want to be entertained but it’s also a blooming long stretch ahead

Can you go on a bus trip somewhere ? Visit a museum, have a cafe lunch, picnic let her make the food for it and lots of praise Don’t ask or you ll get a no …just tell her ‘guess what, we re going on an adventure today’
I d definitely look into any groups or clubs, library’s the best place to look for that She sounds as if she needs company more than you ( no disrespect)
I feel for you both

I was thinking of asking one of her friends for a sleepover if the friends mum is ok with it. It's just that we would be total strangers.

Could you take her swimming occasionally?

Hopefully, taking her to the craft shop might inspire her to try something - those near me do classes on all manner of topics from time to time which might be a treat for you both.

On. a personal note, you say she is rather subdued just now, why not take her shopping to choose a pretty notebook for her to write down her thoughts and troubles.

I hope you manage to find something to entertain her anna7, it is dreadful to know that our GC are unhappy isn't it?

Thanks BlueBelle. It is difficult, especially with my unwell mum needing lots of time.

Mine, who is the same age, likes ‘living’ museums (the Black Country Living Museum was a great hit over half-term, for example), other museums with enough activity to engage her (science museum was approved of, national museum of Scotland she loved so much we had to go twice in a week), theme parks, is still just about young enough for a really good adventure playground, and will humour me (she likes it really) by going to a castle or two. Camping on sites where there are things to do - we went to one in Gloucestershire that had a high ropes course, for example - can be fun (take a friend if possible). She’ll come kayaking and paddleboarding (but hated waterskiing), so this year we may try a short sailing course. She enjoys climbing, so we do some indoors stuff - bouldering, clip ‘n’ climb - with her.

Thank you ladies. All very useful advice that I am taking on board.

Oh sorry anna you’ve got a lot on your plate at the mo. I’d just ask her, of course you may just get the shrug but at least you’ve asked. Inviting a friend over is a good one. Does she like sport ? There are some summer clubs in the holidays. Other than that I think your just going to have to let her be, she may want a chat at some point. Good luck.

I wouldn’t worry about too much phone use, that is the way she is keeping in contact with her friends. Her friends will be her support.

How about teaching her to cook? It is a skill she is going to need for the rest of her life, after all.

Start with whatever she likes best to eat. Let her do the shopping for whatever you are making, with a list provided by you and a suitable amount of money for what she is to buy.

Tell her honestly that you are afraid she will be bored staying so far away from her friends. I gather there has been an upset in her immediate family - she is old enough to understand a good deal of what is going on, but not all of it.

Have you told her that you are delighted to have her for the school holidays, but sad (cross? vexed?) about the reason for it? Does she know she can talk honestly to you about it, if she wants, and that you won't repeat anything she tells you in confidence?

If you haven't told her this, please do so. She is at an age where girls, particularly, want to be considered grown-up. You and I know she isn't anywhere near grown-up now, but she is old enough to understand some of the ramifications of what is going on in the family right now AND to be worrying about it.

Ask her too if she likes visiting her great-grandmother with you, or would rather not.

You didn't mention whether you have a husband or not, but if her grandfather is around, then she and he could do something while you visit your mum.

Oh, and brutally practical, but I have had some nasty surprises teaching girls her age, are you sure her mother had explained periods to her? Believe it or not, I have had girls of eleven and twelve crying in shock at the sight of their first period and totally unprepared for it, so a chat about what our mothers called " developing" or "the facts of life" might just be a very good idea.

I thinks it's just a question of gently questioning her as to what she enjoys. I am not a chatterbox but often when I am with my quiet GS I chat about what I've been doing if I think it may interest him to a degree. Then I see what, if any, response I get. By doing this I have found out several things that interest him that I had no idea about. For example he said he enjoyed taking photos and took a rather good one which I sent to our local newspaper and they printed it. He was very proud. Do persevere as it can be a bit of an uphill struggle with that age group.

When my teenage granddaughter was having a difficult time she found keeping a mindfulness journal helpful (you could buy her one and leave it for her to discover. Also adult colouring books are soothing and pass the time.

Don't know where you live but if you have charity shops give her some cash and then take her round them. Let her choose anything she wants as long as she sticks to the amount of money she has.
You might also like to look at buying her some manicure stuff and nail decorations if she hasn't already got stuff. My 11 year old GD arrived last holiday with her bag of stuff and announced she was going to do her nails. It's something they can't do in term time. The same with make up and hair streaking stuff, not to mention temporary tattoos. I know they seem too young to be doing it, but they start early these days.
And it's good to let them experiment.
My GD for some reason likes to play draughts.

do you drive? sometimes i find they open up more when in the passenger seat, no eye contact! you could take her to a drive through then find somewhere to pull in to eat/drink. Just start conversation observing what's going on outside like what people are wearing..."wow I wonder if i could wear that " (at something you obviously couldn't /wouldn't. "or I wonder if i could do that" , an activity such as skateboarding.. Fun chatting/gossipy stuff may cheer her up and get her to open up without knowing it!

Buy some fun face masks and some pamper bits (Superdrug are cheap ) and have a pamper session let her make you up my grandaughter used to love having a go on my face and hair when she was that age (actually she was very good)
Good idea of skydancers ask her to take some photos of you the dog or wild flowers anything really, she has a phone put it to good use Some 12 year olds are quite grown up perhaps she could make a photo album of her days out with you
( FreePrints 45 free prints a month only pay for postage) or what about a montage of photos on the bedroom wall on a big sheet of card if it’s not good to use the wall ….one of my grandaughters has a whole wall of her photos they look really good and what better reminder of a good time with Nan
Let us know how it goes

Lovely ideas.
I think we understimate the value of 'doing nothing' especially as she must be in a bit of turmoil with whatever is going on. I can't help feeling that watching a lot of films may be just the ticket at the moment. Maybe seeking out some of the great 'coming of age' films to watch together? Even saying 'I loved this when I was your age' - any old thing, but maybe classics like Pride & Prejudice, and especially Little Women with its insight into teenage behaviour. I am also a fan of sci-fi / fantasy to help sort out problems - A Wrinkle in Time is good at that age. And dear Buffy seems to still captivate girls!

I don't want to question your judgement on taking her to your mum's, as you obviously know the details - but would say that a little, managed, time may be helpful. For me, one of the most helpful things in navigating emotional difficulties is hearing family stories. Apologies if that really isn't suitable!

How lucky she is to have such a bolt hole, but you have a lot to manage. Look after yourself!

Just wanted to add that when my mum was ill in hospital we did take the GCs to see her. We chose one of her good days and they didn't stay long (they were much younger then) but I think it was good for them. It showed them the reality of where she was and the fact that she was ill, although she did rally when she saw them. I think children sometimes imagine much worse things are happening..

Buy a multi-photo frame (£7 upwards The Range? Amazon? Wilko) and ask her to make a collage of photos of local area.
Ask her what's a skill she'd like to learn.
A language - plenty of free interactive sites
Learn to play a keyboard (plenty of 2nd hand ones on local websites)
Plan and cook a meal for the family
Make you a special cake
Friendship bracelets
Zentangle is arty/crafty but different. (You can download sheets of patterns.)
Make bath bombs for Chtistmas presents
Ditto soap
Tie-dye kit (elastic band the item, squirt dye on it, place in plastic bag, wash. Easy)
Take her to Hobbycraft, they've loads of kits of craft-type activities (I wanted to buy myself the animal mask box!) And courses

Google "activities for 12 year olds in...your area"
For ideas, look at
www.momjunction.com/articles/fun-activities-games-for-12-year-olds_00634612/

Some great ideas. I’m sure you’ll enjoy having your granddaughter to stay anna7. I have 4 granddaughters aged 20 down to 14, but we have spent some really good quality time together when they were younger and I used to pick them up from school. Two of them were (and still are) very much into horse riding, also walking with the dogs through the fields and countryside nearby. I think the pampering sessions, cooking, card games, Scrabble etc. could work. Shopping, of course, especially if you were buying! Whatever you do, have fun, as they grow up so quickly.

Grandmabatty

I don't think you can force her to be happy, I'm afraid. She maybe just needs to be on her own at times. After all, she's nearly a teenager. Ask her what she would like to do? Although that risks a shrug, and "nothing." Take her shopping to buy something for her? Teach her to knit, sew, crochet. I know you said she isn't into crafts, but maybe she doesn't know how. Does she have to go with you when you visit your mum? If so, that could be very boring for someone her age. Ask her what her favourite authors are and encourage her to read. Teach her card games, play board games. Do a jigsaw together against the clock. I think she needs space though

👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻
What I think too.