My mother is dying

I'm so very sorry to read your post LaCrepescule and really there's no easy way to cope with this. The numbness is shock. Do you have friends and family to support you? Sending you a hug.

My Mum was nearly 97 when she died in 2020. She had a good, long life despite having bowel cancer twice, major surgery etc. She developed Alzheimers 4 years before she died which thankfully progressed only slowly. Then we had covid, no visiting etc and she got worse.

Her last 6 months were not good and I hated seeing her like this so although I was desperately sad when she passed away I was also immensely relieved that she did not stay like this for longer because it just wasn’t her laying in bed unable to be “up and doing” as she always was.

I still miss my Mum every day but I know she would have hated laying there unable to do anything for maybe another year or so. I often laugh out loud at daft things we did together, holidays we took etc.

You will probably feel the same when your Mum’s time comes. Do you have siblings you can talk to? Take care xx

Thank you for your kind thoughts. Yes two brothers luckily so not having to take this on in my own. I only have one child and worry about her having so much responsibility when the time comes.

La Crepiscule - so sorry

Really really sorry to hear this My mum had Alzheimer’s and in the end had to go to a care home as she was in danger as was the house Dad couldn’t manage alone and I did all I could She had a terrible last few years of her life I visited every day after work but I know she didn’t understand why she wasn’t with dad She literally had no understanding left, it was awful for them both, it went on for seven years Then dad died aged 92 I couldn’t tell mum she would not have understood she couldn’t walk, couldn’t hear or see she was locked in a failing body she could be loving or angry but 6 months to the day of dads death she had a massive heart attack I could hear her saying ‘well you’re not going without me’ , I had to make the decision to not resuscitate her
I was a mess for about a year after losing them both I still cry when I think about them

I ve got no real tips on how to manage LaCrepescule but you will

I don't think losing your mum is easy at any age. My mum was 94. We'd gone through all the different stages and had become closer as she aged, we went on holidays and spent time together, just the two of us. There is simply a huge hole left in your life. So sorry for you LaCrepescule and people saying what a lovely long life she has had don't help. Don't fret over the times you didn't get on, forgive yourself and her for the mistakes you both made and cry when you need to. However long you have together saying goodbye is always painful. You will come through it but it takes time. Sending you a hug.

You'll cope, you'll wonder afterwards how you did but you will. A hackneyed phrase but Oh so true"Time is a great healer".
You have time to prepare yourself and focus on the good times.
My mother's last words to me on the phone from the hospital were "Goodnight sleep tight ".

I’m so sorry. Losing your Mum is like losing part of you. The person who knows you better than anyone. You’re never prepared even when someone is very ill. My Mum died in 2020 and I miss her still.

I’m glad you have brothers, people who will understand your feelings, share memories as nobody else can and help you with the practicalities. As an only child I didn’t have that; nor will my child or yours so the best thing we can do for them is to have our affairs in order, keep possessions to be sorted through to a minimum, leave details of bank accounts etc and who to contact, and of our funeral wishes so they have as little to worry about as possible.

You will find the need to deal with practical things keeps your mind busy for a while.

Keep talking to your Mum - they say that hearing is the last sense to go. I wish your Mum a peaceful passing when the time comes and I send my love to you. I will remember you and Mum in my prayers. 💐

Nice post Glorianny.

Yes, excellent post GSM. I lost my mum in 2009- and I still miss her. She was a very special woman, way before her time.

LaCrepescule Any tips on how to cope

I find prayer helps me cope.

you feel numb because i think your body goes into coping mode to get you through it. Lots f lovely posts here, I'm so sorry

So very sorry. My only advice is talk to her, say everything you want to say. There is so much U wish I had said.

So much I wish I had said.

My thoughts go out to you. I think we each have to find our own way through it, just don't bottle anything up, talk to anyone who will listen. Chat to your brothers about the good times. You will be busy spending days at the hospital, then at the end having to deal with funeral arrangements, it will be after the funeral when it has all gone quiet that you should take up every offer of help. Think what needs doing that seems an impossible effort, and ask people to help.

You will get through this, but there is no easy way, grief has to be worked through and it does take time. Don't feel you have to do everything all at once, and concentrate on the good times, not the bad. And don't hesitate to rant on GN everytime you need to! and a hug.

Aww so sorry LaCrepescule. My mum is nearly 92 and becoming much weaker. But like you say we’re never really prepared.
I hope your mum is at least peaceful and not in pain. Thinking of you 🌹

So sorry to hear. When my lovely Dad was dying and unconscious I kept chatting to him - talked about my childhood, how much he meant to me, etc. He knew how I felt and I hope he heard me. He was the very best of Dads and was a total rock when my husband died suddenly and relatively young (early 50s) despite Dad being terminally ill himself and having lost my Mum and brother not long before. As a friend said to me when I was reeling after my dh died "there are no holes in the hedges when it comes to grief" you just have to keep soldiering on. I never believed I would ever feel joy again but I have. I would give everything I possess to have my loved ones back again but life does go on. Be kind to yourself.

Just wanted to say one thing I found when I was grieving was that it affected all aspects of my life and things I'd always been quite competent at became really difficult, so forgive yourself when you can't manage some things. It does come back but for a while you almost feel you are not able to cope with anything. I tried ploughing on for a bit making huge mistakes. I finally had to admit I couldn't do things and let stuff just go. It all takes time.

I don't know what to say to you. My Mother died when she was 39. I am so sorry . It's never easy!

Huge hugs to you.... i have just read your post and feel so sorry.... I would say cherish the time you have with your mum, cherish each second, time is precious.

Thoughts with you x

Such sadness when your Mother finally dies. When my Mother died I was quite young. The good advice I was given was to concentrate on thinking about the whole of her life; that she had been young, and happy, and enjoyed many things, and not to dwell too much upon the end, which is inevitably the worst of times for you both. My thoughts are with you.

Ah, I am so soothed by all the kindness here, thank you. I will see her tomorrow and hold her hand and tell her how much I love her, even if she can’t hear x

And thank you all for sharing your grief ❤️

I went to see her today. She’s bed-bound and paralysed on the left side. Can hardly talk but recognises her loved ones.Is it tine to let her go? She’s suffering and I hate it. The clinicians are great but lack understanding xx