Feeling left out

Yes, we know how this one goes.

We know how this one goes

Evidence once again please Smileless

What thoughts am I assigning to the OP?

As are you VS, to the OP.

There is no context to base that on Smileless

"Please don't mention it to anyone, I haven't processed it yet" is just as possible

You are literally assigning thoughts to a stranger in the most negative possible way

MercuryQueen

Smileless2012

Where does the OP say she's entitled to be involved in her d.i.l's pregnancy Mama?

You're right, it isn't her egg or her sperm, it's her son's sperm so if her son wants to share any news and/or concerns with his mother about the their (his and his wife's child) that she's carrying, why shouldn't he?

I think it's safe to assume that he's not dictating to his wife who she can and cannot talk too about the pregnancy, so what gives her the right to dictate to him?

All this rubbish about her body, her uterus etc., she's carrying their baby.

Rubbish? Privacy and bodily autonomy are rubbish?

I’m genuinely appalled.

All this rubbish of women thinking it's their own uterus, as if it's more than a rented hotel room for grandbaby. My goodness.

As am I Mercury Queen.

Yes you're right LovelyCuppa "This way estrangement lies".

Husbands and wives supporting one another isn't by one telling the other what they can and cannot tell their own parents VS.

Smileless2012

Where does the OP say she's entitled to be involved in her d.i.l's pregnancy Mama?

You're right, it isn't her egg or her sperm, it's her son's sperm so if her son wants to share any news and/or concerns with his mother about the their (his and his wife's child) that she's carrying, why shouldn't he?

I think it's safe to assume that he's not dictating to his wife who she can and cannot talk too about the pregnancy, so what gives her the right to dictate to him?

All this rubbish about her body, her uterus etc., she's carrying their baby.

Rubbish? Privacy and bodily autonomy are rubbish?

I’m genuinely appalled.

This way estrangement lies. Sadly sometimes people just can’t heed the warnings.

I don't believe I am entitled to that information Smileless

I do not need to know

I would hope husband and wife support each other first and foremost and I am never going to be the sort of MIL who gets to heavily emotionally invested in their personal lives

"OP's son was concerned and shared with his mother" I'm glad you can see that Mama; it's a pity that others can't.

I hope you never know or feel that your son is being instructed to keep things from you by your d.i.l. VS; things that he needs and wants to share.

Mama2020

Smileless2012

Where does the OP say she's entitled to be involved in her d.i.l's pregnancy Mama?

You're right, it isn't her egg or her sperm, it's her son's sperm so if her son wants to share any news and/or concerns with his mother about the their (his and his wife's child) that she's carrying, why shouldn't he?

I think it's safe to assume that he's not dictating to his wife who she can and cannot talk too about the pregnancy, so what gives her the right to dictate to him?

All this rubbish about her body, her uterus etc., she's carrying their baby.

Only one of them is carrying this baby and only one of them is looking at the prospect of invasive abdominal surgery. It's her private medical information. She isn't an incubator. And it certainly isn't OP's baby.

OP's son was concerned and shared with his mother. Fine. He realized he probably shouldn't have shared his wife's private medical information and corrected course. Fine. What I find distressing is that rather than worrying about her DIL's health, she instead makes it all about herself and uses it as an opportunity to rail again her DIL. Her DIL wanting medical privacy = resenting MIL's existence??? It's incredibly narcissistic to take someone else's medical situation and make it all about them.

In fact, knowing that someone is the type to make something like this about them would be exactly the reason I'd ask my husband not to share with her. What's worse than troubling news in pregnancy? Someone else making your news all about them.

I hope your DIL's placenta moves on it's own, OP.

Smileless2012

Where does the OP say she's entitled to be involved in her d.i.l's pregnancy Mama?

You're right, it isn't her egg or her sperm, it's her son's sperm so if her son wants to share any news and/or concerns with his mother about the their (his and his wife's child) that she's carrying, why shouldn't he?

I think it's safe to assume that he's not dictating to his wife who she can and cannot talk too about the pregnancy, so what gives her the right to dictate to him?

All this rubbish about her body, her uterus etc., she's carrying their baby.

Only one of them is carrying this baby and only one of them is looking at the prospect of invasive abdominal surgery. It's her private medical information. She isn't an incubator. And it certainly isn't OP's baby.

OP's son was concerned and shared with his mother. Fine. He realized he probably shouldn't have shared his wife's private medical information and corrected course. Fine. What I find distressing is that rather than worrying about her DIL's health, she instead makes it all about herself and uses it as an opportunity to rail again her DIL. Her DIL wanting medical privacy = resenting MIL's existence??? It's incredibly narcissistic to take someone else's medical situation and make it all about them.

I can't believe how little respect people have for DILs like they are walking incubators

I hope I never treat my DILs so badly

Where does the OP say she's entitled to be involved in her d.i.l's pregnancy Mama?

You're right, it isn't her egg or her sperm, it's her son's sperm so if her son wants to share any news and/or concerns with his mother about the their (his and his wife's child) that she's carrying, why shouldn't he?

I think it's safe to assume that he's not dictating to his wife who she can and cannot talk too about the pregnancy, so what gives her the right to dictate to him?

All this rubbish about her body, her uterus etc., she's carrying their baby.

songstress60

Your son has every right to share info about the baby. It's his child too. Yes you are being left out, and he should put his foot down now. Start as you mean to go on.

Put his foot down about what, exactly? I will never understand anyone feeling they are entitled to be "involved" in someone else's pregnancy. If they aren't carrying the baby or adopting the baby, if it isn't their egg or sperm, and they didn't put it in there, they don't have a role in the pregnancy. What exact role did MIL have in creating this baby? Did grandma hold DIL's wrists down as dad impregnated his wife? Was she standing over the bed cheering them on? DIL isn't a grandchild incubator. This isn't the Handmaids Tale. She is a person with the right to medical privacy.

It might be his baby but it’s not his body, not his medical complications. He has no right to share information about his wife’s body or medical condition with anyone.

The uterus belongs to a different person than the baby, last time I checked

Your son has every right to share info about the baby. It's his child too. Yes you are being left out, and he should put his foot down now. Start as you mean to go on.

I had a low-lying placenta. Trust me, it really was no-one else’s business. Luckily those who did not know about it didn’t feel left out!

I think it's natural and normal too maddy, at least it was for us when we were having our boys.

The baby isn’t the patient. The mother is. Ergo, the information is hers to decide who gets it or not. The father literally has no right to the information, unless she gives permission.

I really don’t understand how basic privacy laws are so willingly ignored.

DIL is in the wrong for what?

DIL "please can we not share this information)

How is that wrong?

Maybe she just wanted the time to process the information herself before dealing with other people's feelings about it

DIL has done literally nothing wrong

So much entitlement

Smileless2012

The d.i.l. is the one who is wrong here Hithere, not the OP's son. She is carrying their child and as the father of that child he has every right to share any news/concerns with his own mother.

The OP feels left out because it appears that her d.i.l. doesn't want her to be included. Her son has every right to confide in his own mother about the progress of the pregnancy of his and his wife's child.

Totally agree with you Smileless.
I’m not surprised MoaningTurtle is feeling left out and hurt. The baby is the baby of both the son and his wife, and it is the grandchild of both the mothers. If the information is to be shared then both parents have the right to share it, or neither should share it. It’s hardly being announced to the entire family on both sides, the parents are sharing with their mothers. It’s natural and completely normal.

I’d talk to your son and ask how to deal with it. I’d explain how you feel. I know one of my dil resented what she saw as intrusive behaviour when I thought I was being helpful.