Daughter's weight gain

fancythat

That is an intereseting post Vintagewhine.

I agree, comfort eating/over eating can be an emotional problem not a weight problem.

I agree with the say nothing advice, unless asked. Some years ago, our daughter was very overweight. My husband would say to me 'Tell her'. I used to say 'For goodness sake. Don't you think she knows and is miserable enough?' Eventually, without surgery or help of any kind, she lost four and a half stone. It was fantastic. She went from size 18 to 10. She has largely kept it off and that was 20 years ago. They have to want to do it and be determined. Good luck to your DD.

Your story is really inspiring Whiff and shows we don't have to be overweight and can do something about it

I was a few stone bigger than I wanted to be so joined Weight watchers and with determination lost a couple of stones.

My DM came from the generation who admired skinny models. I really don't!

Yes Riverwalk - I have googled this and agree but it would have to be prescribed by her doctor of course- I think she is a candidate personally

Thank you Kate - very pertinent advice - of course she is the only one who can ultimately do it - as there are other difficulties as ADHD it just complicates her situation I think?

No - and that is something to follow up 😇

Thank you Kate - we give lots of love and praise 🥰

Yes indeed Gabi.

Yes- we shower her with love, laughter and positive affirmation but it is getting hard to not notice - even though we still say nothing negative 😏

I would not initiate a conversation but if she brings it up, agree that she has put on a lot of weight and ask if she needs help from you in any way, if she complains that clothes do not look good agree with her. Ask what her cut-off weight or size will be, the point that she will want to do something.

Too many friends and family become enablers of weight gain by saying that the person looks good, or they haven't noticed. This does not help, it is not kind to encourage an unhealthy lifestyle leading to serious health issues in later life and poor self-esteem that a lot of overweight people suffer.

What an inspirational story - well done! 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

This really rings true - she did initially say she felt she was gaining weight and didn’t know why but her wastebin was full of chocolate wrappers- I said nothing - she was living at home then.. Because of her low self esteem, I said she looked beautiful but should lose the weight to make her clothes feel better? She just gained more and more..,🙁

What a very moving story you tell 🙏🏻

If your daughter wants to loose the weight she has put on, then discussing the matter with her might well be a good thing.

If on the other hand she feels she is being pushed by her GP or the practice nurse to try and loose weight you might well do more harm than good if you try to speak to her about the problem.

Obesity is life-threatening - not short term, but it may well lead to diabetes or a heart condition. It will also make her less likely to conceive should she ever want a baby.

She has been adivsed to loose weight, so you could try asking her how doing so is going. Obviously, it can be hard not to sound critisising, but as you know this, and have a good relationship with your daughter you can probably find a way of talking to her about the problem.

You could start by saying something along the lines of "You know, your grandmother was always dreadfully critical of my sisters and my appearence, so I hope I don't sound like her. I love you the way you are, but as your doctor says you should loose weight I am worrying now."

Are your daughter and her doctor absolutely sure that the contraceptive pill she is taking is not the reason why she has put on weight?

Some women do react this way to the pill.

Does she really need to use this form of contraception?

If she is determined never to have children, sterilisation would probably be healthier, and if she may want a child some day, or knows she does but she and her partner are waiting before starting a family, then condoms, either alone, or with your daughter using a spermicide or a pessary as well should make unwanted conception impossible.

I wouldn’t mention her weight directly because I’m sure she knows already but could you suggest that as a family you want to get fitter and eat healthier?
Maybe say that as you are getting older you want to stay as fit and mobile for as long as you can - if possible to make her feel she is helping you in some way?
I did similar when I thought my partner was drinking a bit to much but didn’t want to actually accuse him so said it was for my benefit that we didn’t open a bottle each night. I was having a small glass and he finished the bottle!

Say nothing I'm sure your dd knows all the problems that been overweight brings just be there to support her if she does ask for support

NotSpaghetti

If she had blood tests have they checked for thyroid problems?

That's my concern, Not Spaghetti. DD gained a lot of weight after her second child tho' not at all with the first. Her hair also became thinner and she suffered from fatigue which I put down to her being an 'older mother' at at 40... and working for the NHS. The GP and her - now - ex dismissed her as fat and lazy. Despite being an NHS employee she ended up having to go private to get a diagnosis of- and, initial treatment for - thyroid deficiency. She is doing well now but this possibility is often overlooked and may need, at least, to be ruled out....

I am in the say nothing camp. As someone who has battled with my weight, I didn't need to be told that I was overweight, in fact the self loathing made me eat more. I have worked through that now, and well on the way to getting rid of the weight, but only because I decided, not because someone told me. Ironically, many people are told they are overweight by a nurse practitioner bursting out of her extra large uniform !

I can empathise with you , it's not what sge looks like that concerns you , but the health problems associated with being overweight. I have a similar situation with one of my daughters, she's been a size 20 and a size 10, over the years, she's heavy again now , around a size 18 I think. I never say anything because I know she's already aware she's overweight, but like you , I do worry about her health

I may be misunderstanding this but I understand from the OP that *Gabigirl’s’ daughter-has already opened up a conversation about her weight.
Surely this means that she would welcome help?
There are thousands of diets out there, many IMO, not a long term solution. If long term weight loss is to be achieved then, again IMO, it has to be a sensible, healthy regime.
Could you try and get her to focus on ‘real’ food not UPFs. (of course she may already do this in which case ignore me!)That is something everyone could join in with and perhaps make it easier for her.

How about you suggest you start swimming classes with her? Or an aqua fit class? Tell her that you want to start but feel a bit intimidated going alone so would she go with you as then there's also the added bonus of spending mother/daughter time together.

You could always just wait for her to mention it again then ask her how you can help her? Maybe look online at options and suggest slimming world (the NHS can do referrals and there are often offers on for people to get 12 weeks free) ... if you want to help her financially, offer to go with her and maybe pay for her books that they sell.

Diabetes is a big threat too. I hope your DD finds some help soon gabigirl
Some great ideas on here.

The thing that stands out to me is the contraceptive pill itself. Many, many women put on weight with hormonal issues and, of course, the Pill is all about hormones. Where is the weight distributed? This can be telling in itself. I was slim until I had my third child. I ballooned at different times in spite of my best efforts to lose the weight. I was finally diagnosed with an underactive thyroid around my fortieth birthday. In addition to this, I found out through a newspaper article around ten years ago that I have lipodoema, another hormonal disorder, which manifests itself with every hormonal change. It is especially common in women who are pear shaped and affects the legs in particular. Since the menopause l have been able to stabilise my weight and am around a size 14/16. Intermittent Fasting has been my friend. I would not advocate Slimming World or the like as they replace normal food with artificial low fat and sugar substitutes, which are stuffed with chemicals.

Mamasperspective

You could always just wait for her to mention it again then ask her how you can help her? Maybe look online at options and suggest slimming world (the NHS can do referrals and there are often offers on for people to get 12 weeks free) ... if you want to help her financially, offer to go with her and maybe pay for her books that they sell.

Slimming World is easy enough to follow but if I had a £ for every person I personally know who then regained all the weight (and sometimes more) I would be very rich indeed.

Around here there are loads of SW clubs and I have been to 3 different ones over many years but at each one you bump into people from maybe 10 years ago who say “you’re back like me then?” They all join, lose weight, stop going then regain the weight and so it goes on.