Being ignored

I tried one of these exercise groups last week 2 of the ladies asked me to stay for coffee afterwards. There were only 2 men and no one spoke to them.

GrannyGrunter

I found the same when I joined a Friendship group a couple of years after my husband died. I found they all had their own little clique and when we went out on day coach trips in the summer they were always saving seats for their friends.

I thought a Friendship group was supposed to include everyone but apparently not.

I gave it 12 months and left.

I did the same with the U3A where I live. I didn't even give the group 12 months. I was passed from one person to another until one finally told me with reluctance that they had home groups as the group had gotten too big, it was Geaniology and I was to go to an address in the next village. When I phoned to say I would not be it was on the answer phone. They did not realise from my accent that my gggrandmother had run the post office in the house next door!!!!!!

I found the same when I joined a Friendship group a couple of years after my husband died. I found they all had their own little clique and when we went out on day coach trips in the summer they were always saving seats for their friends.

I thought a Friendship group was supposed to include everyone but apparently not.

I gave it 12 months and left.

BlueBelle she was serious when she said it. Her face never changed.

Whiff if someone had said something like that about your gingerbread to my Mum, she would have replied, "Oh well, all the more for the rest of us then" 😋
Try not to take it to heart xx

I don't think the replies given now will help with the feeling of being ignored as this post is from October.

I would carry on as normal, be friends with those that are with you, not go over the top and ignore her antics.
Calling someone out can go two ways, they either see the error of their ways and change or a certain type will turn it into an argument or talk loudly so you are shown up in front of all the others then you could possibly be perceived as the troublemaker. I've seen this at work with new colleagues.

BlueBelle she was serious when she said it. Her face never changed.

The only thing I have over reacted about when I got home a few weeks ago when I took my gloves off and my wedding ring wasn't on my finger. I panicked my husband died in 2004 aged 47. I have lost 7st between 2017 and 2021. My ring was loose normally I wear a ring tightener but forgot to put it on. I had been to my regular cafe so phoned there in tears they had found it and knew it was mine. My daughter had told me to put it on a chain as I didn't want it resized but left as my husband put it on my finger . After that scare it's safely on a chain I wear daily.

I am not the sort of person who overreacts to things. And takes things in my stride. Had to the things that have happened to me in my 65 years.

I go to a couple of pilates sessions with the same teacher. On is a collection of people from a fairly wide area who don't know each other and it's taken a few months for us to have a chat before and after the session. The other is at a village hall, most of those attending live in or near the village and know each other, I live quite a long way from the village and don't know any of them and it's taken a while for people to acknowledge me as they immediately settle next to someone they know and start chatting. I don't feel left out or ignored as I am there for the pilates but at least most smile and say hello now, but not everyone! Just enjoy your exercise class and smile!

Have you been the subject of gossip? People are always ready to think the worst of people without even knowing them. Others are only friendly with those they stand to gain from.

Are they truly worthy of your friendship? Save yourself for those who appreciate you.

I think chatting about it to the nicer person you have coffee with is a good idea.
At least it will be off your chest and it may help resolve it.

I think you are a little bit overreacting to your gingerbread Whiff she was probably just trying to make a joke about it I d just give her one when you give them out she can throw it away if she wants or she can say no thanks can’t she?

Back to the original post 62granny I wouldn’t lose too much sleep over it whenever you are within a group there will always be someone who doesn’t fit with you it’s a shame they are making it so obvious I d just carry on as normal with everyone and not be too worried over it all

62Granny you sound like me you treat people the way you want to be treated. If this couple is now ignoring both you and your husband ignore them.They are not worth your time.

I go to a sit fit class . This week is our last one before Christmas. I had asked weeks ago if people give Christmas cards they said no .. I said in that case I will make my gingerbread rocks to bring in. Straight away a woman I have been helping since she joined said I don't want to lose another filling . No one said a word. I did say I call them that because I can't use a rolling pin so just spoon the mix out.

What annoyed me was she said it in front of everyone and no one said a thing plus she has never tried my baking. I will make a point of when I give them out that I know she doesn't want them because of her fillings.

It's horrible to be ignored or judged when you haven't done anything to warrant it. Just ignore them . Others in the group would have noticed how you have been treated. They are not worth your time. Just enjoy the company of the people who care about you both.

Could she be autistic more difficult to spot in women if so negativity could make her worse. Just be yourself and don’t try to over think things

You don't want friends like that anyway my lovely. She's showing herself up with pettiness. There are some people in this world I've noticed who behave like this. Don't go out of your way anymore and keep it to yourself . Don't go mentioning it to anyone in the group. Just be the sweetest, happiest person that you always are. If she has a bee in her bonnet, let it sting her lol

She's jealous, maybe your more popular and she was the queen bee before you arrived, or folk like you more in her eyes, ignore her ,don't try complimenting her let her be,

TerriBull

Call her out with a "have I done anything to offend you can't help noticing you studiously appear to ignore me"

This would be and has been my response...

Watch her fluster and stutter at your unexpected show of confidence and coolness.

I experienced this from a colleague when I first started a new job. After a few weeks of being blatantly given the cold shoulder I confronted her and asked if I’d done anything to offend her, she claimed to be unaware that she was ignoring me but then miraculously started being friendly..

Just be polite to the ones ignoring you, if you need to speak to them. You can't just ignore part of a group of people without making the rest feel uncomfortable at some point!
If it is really bothering you, ask a pointed question directly to them that only they can answer. If they don't answer you, or change the subject, then it is time for you to ignore them and just interact with everyone else!

Could be some envy creeping in towards the couple they gush over, maybe they don't like your friendship with them for some reason. Ignore if you can

Thank you everyone, I am friendly with everyone in the group and especially friendly with the other carers / partners , I would not ask her direct because of the disability it might be awkward, I suppose we can't like everyone we come in to contact with but I try to be friendly and inclusive , the chap they gush over, we are particularly friendly with him and his wife and his wife and I go with a have a coffee and chat while they do their group exercise, I might mention it to her but doubt if she has noticed. We will treat them like they treat us.

Don’t waste your time worrying about them. You are possibly giving them the attention they need

Does it matter, the poor behaviour of one or possibly two people in a group?
Continue to engage with the other members and ignore this pair's behaviour.

People who ignore others are not worth knowing. Be polite and friendly with everyone in the class and show this couple you are not bothered by their childish behaviour.

If it's an exercise group I wouldjust concentrate on the exercises andtry to enjoy that .,, this will show to the other members of the group.. it isn't a social group but you can all be friendly.. it's pretty childish behaviour but some people just need to be top dogs. Feel sorry for them and have fun

You can’t please all of the people all of the time, what ever the reason, they may even think your husband slighted them. Some are very sensitive , it may even be you that are sensitive or even very insensitive, patronizing or dominant.
Just go with the flow of the group.

Stop trying to placate them, no more compliments - ignore them. Accept the situation and engage with others. If you give them a taste of their own medicine they may come round,if they don't you have lost nothing.