Future-proofing and how to avoid becoming over- dependent

You only need to satisfy them that you can pay the service charges though, you don’t need to go into the detail of your private pension or savings, as long as they are reassured that you can cover the charge made by them.

travelsafar I do not think you are being unreasonable I can see no reason why the company you are renting from should require more from you than evidence of income. You are not expected to produce all that sort of information of you are renting a non-retirement flat on the open market, and I certainly would not give them copies of bank statements.

I am in permanent revolt against answering unnecessarily intrusive questions on forms.

They are only looking for proof of income and expenditure. Income alone doesn’t enable them to satisfy themselves that the rent and service charge are affordable. Account numbers on bank statements can be blocked out.

We moved into a bungalow a five + years ago after hubby had a stroke, one of my requirement was a small garden, which it has , it is paved so we can sit out and I have a selection of pots which is enough for me to cope with. The front is lawn which I can manage at the moment but will get someone in when I can't. My only bugbear , which doesn't effect me at the moment, but might later on , is the bus service when we moved in was every 30 mins from around the corner to town via our little village shops , doctor etc, over the last few years they have reduced it firstly to hourly but it has now gone to 2 hourly due to funding cuts. We are up a steep hill so I am fine walking down but can't manage the walk back. Thank heavens for delivery services.

I'll third it!!

Thought about this quite a bit. Our close friends spent six years paying maintenance charges (7,000 pounds p.a.) on an empty retirement flat they couldnt sell when an elderly parent died. Eventually sold at a substantial loss. There is a lovely retirement flat complex near us, but the annual maintenance charge is £10,000 (at the moment) and I would be too worried to buy or rent there.

My friend works for Home Instead as a live-in carer. She thinks its very good for the person needing care because its personalised, but its a lot more expensive than the fees because the carers of course get full board and lodge and you need to also employ a cleaner. I dont think this would work for is. No room in the house and I am not used to employing people, nor indeed having someone live in.

Mum lived in our family home until she died at the age of 91. It was unsuitable in every way and I worried constantly about her (2 hours drive away and I was working a 40 hour week). She had daily carers for the last two years, but they were chaotic. Endless merry go round of staff and erratic visiting hours, all of which kept Mum constantly on edge.

My next door neighbour has just gone into a care home at the age of 96. Its really very good indeed, got Outstanding in its recent inspection report, but it costs £55,000 a year and she has definitely gone downhill mentally.

We are in the 4 bed family house where we have lived for 38 years. I think we should move into a newer, smaller property with less garden and downstairs facilities, in the same area, near to all our friends and family. DH says he is never, ever moving. I couldnt bear to have my kids look after us, but DH is in denial that he will ever be old, feeble or need looking after.

GSM I still think proof of income is sufficient. I suppose the prospective tenant could have a gambling addiction or be financing a toy boy. but I think asking for details of every item of expenditure is intrusive and unnecessary.

As I said, it is not demanded for ordinary flats on the open market, why should it be different for someone going into a retirement flat.

Mind you given modern bank statements, listing every time you use your debit card, and with standing orders and, indeed, many debit card transactions all of which are identified on the statement by a long list of numbers and letters, which mean nothing and are impossible to identify, the amount of information they will get from their inspection will be very little indeed.

TravelsAfar, it seems the housing you are moving to guarantees to take a measure of responsibility for your future welfare. Just as any insurance scheme does so the guarantor needs know a reasonable amount about what sort of risk you will be.

Exactly. It wouldn’t look good to be taking on an older tenant who couldn’t afford the rent and service charge and then having to sue or maybe evict them for non-payment - and every tenant who doesn’t pay their share of the service charge creates a heavier burden for the rest until the debt is recovered (if it ever is). It’s really no different to proving that you can afford to take on a mortgage; the lender wants to know what your disposable income is. If you had ever seen anyone looking through bank statements for this purpose you would know that they do so at speed and are not interested in the details of what you spend your money on, simply how much of it you have left at the end of the month and that you’re not reliant on an overdraft facility.

I live in a 3/4 bedroomed bungalow with a large garden. We have a study and dining room but I’ve really stopped using the latter as I rarely entertain. I have a step up to my sewing room and two steps down to a bedroom which is for visiting GCs. But I so want to move. The next door bungalow has been sold to a builder and we have had noise and disturbance for months. We have to ask to leave our house as they constantly park randomly in our small road. Although we are in a conservation area they have built a two storey house- planning was for 1 and a half stories and they are now digging up the boundary markers between our property. The builder and his wife are in their 60s and I will be stuck with negotiating permission to leave my drive for the rest of my life( I’m 78) we have trees between us and I’m hoping that that will shield us. I desperately want to move but DH keeps saying we have too much stuff and what can we do with it. Family all live away and not interested.

This is a really interesting thread and has given me a lot to think about. It is easier to plan for the future if you have a good relationship with your children and realistic expectations.

I gave up 10 years of my life caring for three horrible ungrateful people. My mother, my stepfather and my my MiL. I know my children will do all the can for me, but they are limited by distance, family and work responsibilities.

My future proofing takes two forms. One is having an honest discussion with my children of what I hope will happen should I become infirm. This does not include them caring for me physically but perhaps dealing with financial or other matters that I might not be able to cope with.

The other is to ensure that I can afford to be cared for in my home as long as possible by paying others to do things for me. I have also told them that when the time comes I will be fine with moving to a care home when living at home becomes impossible.

We have some good garden solutions here. One neighbour sold half his garden (the end 'bramble patch) to his neighbour - who wanted space for a pool. He could then afford a wet room in his garage space.

Another neighbour joined a scheme where somebody does your gardening, in exchange for growing vegetables - and sharing them. The 'gardener' lives in a flat. Both clever ideas, I think.

I'd never be selfish enough to expect my children to look after me. That's not why I had them! We can make adjustments, but can't really future-proof, so I hope that I drop dead suddenly, rather than do time in a care home (AKA old people's prison) perish the thought.

littleflo you’ve pretty much written what I would say. I’m also doing my best to exercise to keep as much muscle strength and mobility as I can and embracing technology to help with my hearing and sight problems.

My late mother’s care home was far from being a prison. She was taken on outings : to the theatre, to a reception given by the Mayor , pictured in the local paper. She was able to walk more in the home than in her own home thanks to grab rails etc. She had a choice of lounges- and opted to spend time in the one where the men congregated as their conversations were more interesting!

At my FiL’s first care home (he had dementia) there was a woman only in her 60s, still perfectly fit and capable, who’d moved herself in after her husband had died. She didn’t want the bother of house maintenance/housework/cooking, came and went as she pleased.

It certainly wouldn’t suit me - in particular, because of fire regulations there were no locks on bedroom doors! When he was living with us, FiL was in the habit of wandering into bedrooms at 2 am to see who was sleeping in ‘his’ house - but each to her own.

I have spent over 30 years of my life visiting friends and families in Care homes, none of them could be described as prisons.

However, in most cases by the time the person needed that kind of care, home or care home, they had very little personal autonomy because of the conditions, usually dementia or physical infirmity that they were suffering from.

I have definitely given the subject some thought and had a discussion with DH, since the thread was started.

We have a large house, if needed we can have a bedroom downstairs and there is room available to put a shower in the downstairs cloakroom.

Whilst it will probably become too big for us, it is on a main road, with frequent buses (two routes to the big teaching hospitals nearby) we have three AC in walking distance, one reasonably near one of the hospitals and the other one would normally be able to get to us within a couple of hours if they were in the U.K.

We can stroll to nearby shops and restaurants, and I think we would struggle to find a suitable house in such a prime position.

We have decided not to move or downsize.

GrannyGravy13 On the face of it, I would agree with you.

GrannyGravy13

I have definitely given the subject some thought and had a discussion with DH, since the thread was started.

We have a large house, if needed we can have a bedroom downstairs and there is room available to put a shower in the downstairs cloakroom.

Whilst it will probably become too big for us, it is on a main road, with frequent buses (two routes to the big teaching hospitals nearby) we have three AC in walking distance, one reasonably near one of the hospitals and the other one would normally be able to get to us within a couple of hours if they were in the U.K.

We can stroll to nearby shops and restaurants, and I think we would struggle to find a suitable house in such a prime position.

We have decided not to move or downsize.

Same here GG13. We have space for downstairs only living, and fortunately a second entrance, bathroom and kitchen and accommodation for carers, if need be.

We need to remember that only 1 in 10 older people end their lives in a care home. Neither my parents nor DH's did, Nor did we need to provide care for them, although we did later have responsibility for other members of our families who did go into care homes.

Most of us do not want to be a burden to our children, but we need to be realistic. If we live to a great age and if we have health problems then, whether we like it or not our children will worry about us. In the past year we have seen that happen in our family. DH has had health problems, but I have always been robustly healthy, so capable of dealing with anything that needs doing, but earlier this year I had some minor health problems, and I have taked about ti with my children and they agreed, that my health problems mean that with us both now 80, they ahve started to worry about us and that has fed into our decision to downsize and move somewhere more accessible for them.

Louisa, you must be a Saint. I would never in my dreams expect what you're doing of my child whatever age they are. I think it's extremely selfish of people to allow it. Your answer will get that you do it willingly, but with the best will in the world if your mom lives to be a hundred, you will still be doing it at the age she was when you started. I believe in staying in your own home long as possible and doing these things, the unfortunately if you have a condition that doesn't allow that and can't manage sell up and get proper care. If you leave nothing, hopefully your children will be sekf suffueunt or should be.
Primrose, I feel for your brother and his misguided loyalty, I see it all the time and so do Carers, if your unlucky enough to have a child like that it's gut wrenching, but he should move to where he is not lonely, have peope to talk with etc. Sell the house that he and his wife built up after a lifetime of hard work. The ungrateful daughters will have to get on with it, you wont change a selfish person.

We need to remember that only 1 in 10 older people end their lives in a care home.

I agree.
I tell people this.
I think many think it is about 1 in 2, but it isnt.

I was only talking about this last night with a friend. We both had parents who died around 2000 so are glad we "dodged a bullet" in looking aftert them. Me as the divorced childfree daughter and my friend as a childfree gay male. Most of the caring fell on my sister who was the "golden child! when we were younger. It was not by accident that I moved away to go to uni and never returned to the city of my birth.

I know that I would rather die than lose my independence and go into a care home. When the time comes I have enough barbiturates to end it peacefully in my own way.

Thanks MOnica for reminding us only 1 in 10 older people end their lives in care. My mum in law is so far, our only family member to die in residential care. She lived independently until she was 92. A fall at home led to the breast cancer she had kept secret from us being identified in hospital. She was given the 12 weeks end of life care, funded by the NHS. We moved her to an excellent nursing home a mile from us, so we could visit every day.

This month, I’m giving my daughters some money from my savings, rather than sit on it in case I need care

biglouis, your post raises the need for sensible discussions on choice about assisted suicide