Burial or cremation?

This is what I'm talking about. Apparently the Co-op are to offer this service from 2023.
terramation.uk/

That sounds awful!

Natural composting on natural burial ground, with simple natural coffin and natural liner. Using beautiful woods often from far away exotic forests, with toxic varnishes, silk liners, expensive metal handles, etc- such a waste and ecological disaster. So are all the chemical embalming practices.

There are wonderful woven coffins available . At natural burial grounds, flowers and reefs on diabolically toxic polystirene bases are not allowed at all.

Well - the lovely man who owns and manages our beautiful woodland burial prefers natural flowers etc. ‘ headstones ‘ are all the same sized slates that sink into the grave rather than standing proud.
There are two graves where people leave teddies, or plastic windmills for example. He told me he anticipates this will reduce but he doesn’t want to add to their loss be removing things. Both graves are children

I don’t believe bringing pompous attitudes, like look how green and perfect we are, how much more we know than mere mortals contributes much to the debate on burial-cremation,

My DM wanted to leave her body to medical science but she wasn't accepted. They get plenty of old bodies.

Thanks for all your interesting replies.
Certainly food for thought.

A group of us were being shown around a very old and interesting garden, when one man noticed a small gravestone. Assuming it was for a pet he asked the owner - who simply replied "no it's my wife"

There's a green burial ground a few miles from here. I have been to a couple of very moving simple ceremonies there. The grave is completely covered over, no tree planted although there are trees around. A field burial?

Cremation for me no funeral.
The woodland setting sounds nice and peaceful and maybe a lunch for close friends and family.

Fleurpepper

Natural composting on natural burial ground, with simple natural coffin and natural liner. Using beautiful woods often from far away exotic forests, with toxic varnishes, silk liners, expensive metal handles, etc- such a waste and ecological disaster. So are all the chemical embalming practices.

There are wonderful woven coffins available . At natural burial grounds, flowers and reefs on diabolically toxic polystirene bases are not allowed at all.

I have already chosen my coffin. Apologies for the toxic paint (it will be lavender blue, same colour as aster frikartii), with silk lining and metal furniture. A waste and an ecological disaster? Thanks Fleur for your thoughts. But I won’t be having ‘reefs’ (wreaths?), just one posy.

Coral reefs would be OK.

GSM, well yes, I personally think it is a huge waste, and not good for the environment at all. So, simple unvarnished local spruce, or willow for me, and simple cotton lining, and no embalming.

Ahaha for the reefs- had a brain f*rt and knew it was wrong as I was typing- but couldn't be bothered to check. Wild local flowers from our meadows for me- or if in winter- branches of wild rosehips, holly and hawthorn.

Coral reefs would be the worst possible for the environment!

Lots of great ideas here:

www.albany-funerals.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2023/12/Greener-Funerals-2024.pdf

Wood can come from sustainable sources FP, and presumably you paint your house in the same way that my coffin will be painted. What’s the problem?

I don’t think many of us need ideas, given our age and the fact that many of us have lost partners in the recent past.
DH is buried in a lovely country churchyard overlooking the village and countryside he loved.
I took an instant dislike to the woven coffins we were shown, finding them too like oversized picnic hampers, so his coffin was simple English oak lined with unbleached linen. No knobs or twiddles
I walk up there with the dog most days, through a field and little copse and have a chat. He has a green Cumbrian slate stone with the simplest of inscriptions, made and engraved by a friend of a friend and there are snowdrops planted in the turf I had laid on the grave.
No wreaths, just a spray made by a former colleague, of the same winter flowers, thistles etc D had in her wedding bouquet two years earlier also in December.
This family and friend involvement made it all much more personal .
We each do what feels right for us- what is right for you may not be right for me and vice versa.
I would never presume to dictate what people should do, it is one of the most personal decisions we can make.

Well said Rosies. A lovely description of the arrangements you made and of a beautiful setting, just as my Mum has.

PS We are hoping to have felt shrouds made for our burial. Will post the link one I remember the name of the felt maker....!

My husband insists strongly on a burial. He can’t afford to leave money to pay for it. About 200 colleagues will wish to attend and have a slap up meal. I have been the breadwinner most of the time and cannot imagine how I would deal with this.

Thanks Rosie’s. My husband had a plane coffin, our daughters vetoed my choice of a willow coffin. Mr i was very tall, a big man and their worry was a willow coffin would creak and not contain him. Of course, I gave into this, they’d lost their dad. They reassured me that when I join him, I’ll be in a willow coffin.
I’m off to visit him this morning, taking the big dog along.

That sounds lovely RosiesMaw.

Of course no-one needs to look at 'ideas'. I do know from past experience that families are put under huge pressure to spend huge sums of money for very fancy funerals- and are also not always aware of the environmental cost.

My mum asked for a simple coffin made of local ash- and no metal handles or varnishes, and cotton lining- and she hated marble and fancy headstones- so had a nice local limestone rock on top. She had been given a small robin made out of bronze a long time ago, and I had it fitted on the stone. Dad's ashes joined her a few months later, again, simple local ash urn.

Of course, we all make our own choices. But please do not let Funeral Director put huge pressure on you.

Shortly before Christmas I was on top of a bus with Gdd1, 8, passing the huge local cemetery - many hundreds of graves clearly visible. She knew what it was, but asked why there were quite a few cars parked there.

I explained that there was probably a funeral going on, but also that many people like to go and put flowers on the graves of people they’d loved.

‘I’d do that for you, granny!’ she said, ❤️😂.

I didn’t like to tell her I would almost certainly be cremated!

When OH died I looked at wicker coffins - wow! - they were VERY expensive. I went for he cheapest in the end.

He is buried under the yew tree in a small village churchyard by the ancient Knights Templar church on the Welsh border. His Forest of Dean stone gravestone is curved and has swallows carved in it (we often used to sit on our balcony watching the swallows wheel around over the church) and a quote from farmer/poet Wendell Berry: "I rest in the grace of the world and am free."

Catterygirl. Dare I say, perhaps you'll go first so won't have that problem.

DH died during lockdown so we were only allowed a few people, who couldn't even hug!
We managed to smuggle most of them back to our house and serve drinks and I think we had an Indian takeaway. It was the best we could do and a comfort to me and all who came.
Friends suggested a memorial service later on and I agreed but then as the months went by, I really didn't want to have a big event.

When his DM died last year, aged 98, it was very different and actually quite lovely. A summer's day, the church where she had worshipped as a child, flowers picked from her own garden and a burial beside her parents and siblings. Her DH ashes buried with her.
Back to the house for the wake with homemade food and all the memories to share.

Witzend, Rosiesmaw and Luckygirl. Such lovely poignant posts. Thankyou

But please do not let Funeral Director put huge pressure on you.

I have to take issue with this. When my DM died, the Co Op Funeral Director was a young chap, probably mid 20’s, so assume he hadn’t experienced much personal loss.

My sister and I couldn’t have wished for anyone kinder or more sensitive and respectful dealing with us. As for ‘upselling’, no way. When we were looking at the coffin brochure, the first thing he said was “You don’t have to spend silly money”. And meant it.

He was a credit to his profession.

Some faiths such as Muslims will not allow cremation. the demand for burials remain. I want water resomation as the effect of fire cremations is one of the factors as to why the temperature on the planet is increasing. Not discussed as at present we think that planting trees (which deplete the water table) is the solution to saving the climate. Not true as too many diseased trees are not allowed to be removed.

We very recently attended the funeral (cremation) of a lovely neighbour we’d known for decades. Except for one prayer at the end, it was a non-religious service taken by a ‘celebrant’ and without going into detail I must confess that I was appalled - both his appearance and the way he spoke (and I don’t mean his accent).

I’m not religious but I said to dh, don’t ever arrange a funeral like that for me! Give me a good old vicar and a couple of lovely traditional hymns any day!
(Yes, I know I won’t know or care, since I’ll be dead, but still…)