Are you able to make yourself happy

I felt like you when my husband of 50 years died nearly 10 years ago. For years after I was lost, never looked forward to anything, even seeing our family didn't help but slowly and surely I have got to the stage when I am comfortable with my life, it will never be what it was when my husband was here and I can truthfully say I will never be as happy as I was with him but I thank my late husband for leaving me comfortably off in a lovely home with no money worries. He looked after me when he was alive and is still doing so.

If I could have him back, I would live in a tent.

I feel great sympathy for those who were happily married and then end up alone. It must be so hard.
I think in time you will find happiness in little things.. a sunny day with birdsong, finding a good book in the library, a cosy fire on a winter's day, a chat with a good friend. Walking outdoors is a great good feel factor.
There are so many little things that can make us happy.
That is what I find anyway, and hope you will too.

A lady joined our community choir some time ago, we were unaware that she had not long lost her husband. Later she told us that we had literally saved her life, it was quite emotional really as we had just welcomed her and had a good laugh and a sing each week.

Reading good books and playing music I love always cheers me up.

a dog did it for me.
I didn't expect it to, I got puppy from rspca because some scary burglaries were happening in my neighbourhood. Then I fell in love with my canine companion and I have never looked back. They give you structure, they give you reasons to go on, they give you exercise, they give you regular friendly contact, without commitment, of other dog owners and of course they give you love. And they make you laugh.

MissInterpreted

rubysong

Victorian advice was "Be not solitary, be not idle." I think there is wisdom in that. People to chat to and things to keep you busy are the way to happiness, or at least contentment.

I don't necessarily agree with that. If you can be content in your own company, surely that's got to be a good thing? I'm always happy to be on my own and can always find something to keep my mind occupied. You can be in a room full of people and still feel lonely.

I don't agree either. I can be quite content in my own company, especially during challenging periods of ill health.
I am happy to sit quietly and occupy myself to take my mind off things.

Firstly, I'm so sorry for your loss.

Some time ago when I was going through a pretty rough patch I read this... "happiness like other emotions, is not something you obtain, but rather something you inhabit."

I also think that when you aren't feeling "happy", you can strive for that feeling because you feel that you should be feeling that way....especially when surrounded by the well-meaning, the media hype etc.
When I felt like that...I literally just took small steps, not focussing on being happy but just getting through the day. Then i slowly found there would be a tv programme I wanted to watch, a book to read, I'd buy little treats to eat....it's all a road to something better, to being a little more kind to yourself and I can recall the day when I just didn't feel so sad and unhappy any more, I wasn't bursting with happiness, I just felt ok and maybe that's fine too!

To ease the pain of loss, do something extraordinary every day.

Take a walk and shoot some photographs of nature, trees, flowers, the sunrise, the sunset etcetra.

Take a trip to the nearest shopping centre or shops and indulge in new accessories for updating your wardrobe.

Join the gym & do a pilates course, or swim or aerobics or dance course. Study a foreign language. Go to the library.
Go to a bookshop .. Take a coach or rail trip to a new place and visit a city that you have never been and do a tour.

Dine out at a new restaurant ..

Do something new ..

You shall slowly begin to heal from your profound pains of loss.

Best wishes and very sorry to hear of your loss.
All my condolences.

Two years on from the death of my DH of almost sixty years and while I am not happy I am able to appreciate things and take pleasure in what’s coming up in the garden and the various small birds I have helped keep alive in this very cold spell. Life won’t ever be the same but I was lucky to have had him at the centre of my life for so long, and contentment would be a good place to be for now.

DH and I had a truly happy 59 years before he died 15 months ago.
I don't really expect happiness now But I function and manage my life okay, which gives me satisfaction. And I can be diverted by friends, family, volunteering and the usual everyday things which give pleasure.
I just accept that there can be no more true joy now.

Many condolences on your loss, grief is a terrible thing.

I think you will find happiness in life again further in the future.

Or perhaps happiness will find you.

I wish you well

Many condolences. Allow yourself time to grieve. I lost my husband very suddenly 5 years ago. He was only in his early fifties so it was a terrible shock. Looking back on that first year I think I was on automatic pilot. Now, while I still miss him dreadfully, I am able to be happy. It will come for you too. Even on days when I feel overwhelmed and have a weep ( like today) I know it will pass.

It can't be easy for you, having lost your husband. It may take a little while before you start to feel truly happy again. You need to go through the grieving process, and then, little by little, you will begin to feel better. Happiness comes in fleeting moments, it is never permanent. Contentment, on the other hand, is more easily attained. You'll eventually go back to doing things you enjoy and your life will gradually come together. Just be kind to yourself, don't expect too much of yourself, be patient and take it one day at a time 🌻🌻🌻

Very sorry for your loss Carmen. I studied a very good on-line course about happiness and basically the road to happiness was focussing on other people and not yourself. Its natural when you are full of sorrow to turn in on yourself but actually turning outward is more helpful. The course was fairly demanding and wouldnt be everyones cup of tea, but I have included a link below. A lot of the time you do exercises such as completing a certain number of small acts of kindness each day and study how it makes you feel. People who complete the course report significant increases in their happiness and decreases in their levels of stress and loneliness.
ggsc.berkeley.edu/what_we_do/online_courses_tools/the_science_of_happiness?_ga=2.55399080.245682577.1705772754-1320161297.1705610388

Brilliant helpful comments I wish it were possible to comment on each comment..Thank you appreciate every comment and it has made me feel less alone which is what I was looking for..

Carmen Very sorry for your loss
What long, happy marriages some of you have had - you were truly blessed ..

I'm trying my own version of cognitive behaviour therapy and writing down positive happy things. Then read them to myself. Now and then I will look through them again to remind myself. This was for my depression.

I live alone and have done by choice for a lot of years now.
I am happy in my own skin. I'm happy to be me warts and all. Everyone is beautiful in some way. I start each day with gratitude for everything I have. My health, my family, my friends,my home, my peace and so much more. I find happiness in the little things. Like taking time to make nutritious meals to look after my body for example. My body has carried me through life fir some 70 years now and has rarely let me down. I'm grateful for my hearing to listen to uplifting music and my eyesight to see all the wonderful things our world has to offer.
I'm sure time will help you heal but stay positive for everything you still have today.

I think every individual has their own way of coping with a loss and trying to move on.
I haven’t lost my husband but as I think of what I would want if and when he does pass away is hope for a future that could bring acceptance and healing.
I have been in a prayer group for several years and found comfort and compassion during very hard times in my life. Our son in a terrible accident which almost took his life as a young child and our daughter’s breast cancer diagnosis a few years ago.
I realize this may not appeal to everyone and that is fine. Just giving my thoughts on this situation. Maybe it will help in some way.

Prescott agree

I actually have a strong faith in God which has built up over the years even though my life has been far from easy I promise. I found an Alpha course and that led me to faith aged 55. It’s non denominational. I feel peace and contentment and happiness can be a by product. Maybe have a look online at Alpha?

Constant happiness is not realistic for humans. We must suffer as well as thrive.
How we cope with suffering is complex and boils down to many things, our upbringing, genetics and philosophy of life.

Accept you are suffering, it’s natural, you don’t get over it, but travel with it, hopefully with acceptance of the light and shade of life.