Where did 'please' and 'thank you' go?

Oldfrill

remember that character played by ronnie corbett, who kept saying sorry.
was the show called sorry ?

Infuriates me when, for example, I hold a door open and the person walking thru doesn’t say thank you - I always say loudly “you’re welcome”!
What’s wrong with people? And it’s Often older people. Also people Walking side by side on the pavement - I always move over (obviously) for pram pushers
Etc - but often couples (no children or pushchairs) just walk together as if they own the pavement (feeling quite cross now )!

I find that if I am being approached on a narrow pavement by a couple or a group of people who seem to expect me to step on to the road, the best thing to do is to stop (on the inside of the pavement if I can get there). That makes them move to get round me and works more often than not!

We are very sadly in ‘I want - I’m entitled society’! Again as I said in previous lady all in the education! Education - we oldies would never have had anything without saying ‘please or thank you!

I think it has gone the same way as giving up your seat on public transport for someone less able, and saying me and xyz instead of xyz and I

Children learn by example so it's down to good parenting/grandparenting and schools who instill this in their pupils. I'm sure we all do our best for the next generation. I think some shops should have better training of staff, I've had some surly assistants recently! but my local Waitrose staff are great.

Not hearing a please or thank you is one of my bugbears. Another, after moving from Devon to Shropshire, was to hear my children’s friends talking about presents that they’d had “off” so and so, instead of “from”. To my ears it sounded so unappreciative, but probably just a difference in local expression. It still grates !!

'Please' and 'thank' you went the same way 'sorry' and 'excuse me' - just returned from the supermarket where TWO order pickers lost knocked me over with their trolleys.

Wheniwasyourage

I always hope that the teams on Only Connect who can't be bothered with Please and Thank you will lose to the polite ones. It doesn't save them any time and sounds very churlish!

I always notice that too, it's just so rude but more and more of them do that lately.

I always message the person after I have collected the item to say thank you

I have given away a lot of things on Freecycle, and usually receive a thank you by email. It's the ones who just don't turn up after giving a time for collection who annoy me. Changed their mind, too far to come, at least let me know!

I was forced to go to Asda on Sunday as Tesco here have removed wholemeal bread flour from their deliveries (they can’t explain why). The checkout assistant did not even look at me, I said hello and thank you, she just stared into space. I know it can be a soul destroying job but a bit of interaction would make the time go quicker as well as being polite to speak back when spoken to. Perhaps it is a tactic to encourage you to use the self checkout!

I remember once standing in a book shop where a young man was waiting to get past between narrow shelves. He could easily have walked around me but was too lazy. Instead of saying "excuse me" or "may I pass please" he made a snippy remark to his girlfriend that he was "waiting for this lady to move" so he could get past."

I told him I was waiting to hear words like "please" and "excuse me" before I moved, and pointed out that basic social skills cost nothing. His girlfriend told him "Shes right you know. Sometimes I feel ashamed to be out with you."

My husband is of Sicilian heritage and he never uses please or thank you neither do any of his family but they change the tone of their voices if they are asking for something. In our family that is what we do as well, it is more in the tone of the voice that a word

Agreed, springishere. Out local giveaway site has had to introduce a rule that anyone not turning up will be suspended for a month. For too long it was the same few people who grabbed everything then didn't come and get it. I got rid of a lot of things a year or so ago, and it was infuriating when someone said they wanted a large item, arranged a time and then didn't arrive to collect it.

At one point I had two wing chairs, a sideboard and a wine rack in the hallway, all awaiting collection, and carefully arranged so that the first person would take the item nearest the door, to clear space for the next one and so on. Two of the three didn't turn up, and the third was late. It's a standard hallway, not Downton Abbey, so we were climbing over the stuff to get from A to B until it all went.

If your car isn't big enough to fit a sideboard in the back, don't say you'll take it (I posted the measurements), or arrange for a friend to help you before you agree to have it. I absolutely accept that giving things away is a two-way street, as disposing of large items can be difficult, but I think people often forget that they are dealing with someone's home, which is unlikely to have space to store old furniture when the new things have arrived.

I think everyone said thanks when they collected (one gave me a bar of chocolate ) but neither of the no-shows bothered to let me know, let alone apologise.

Tizliz

I was forced to go to Asda on Sunday as Tesco here have removed wholemeal bread flour from their deliveries (they can’t explain why). The checkout assistant did not even look at me, I said hello and thank you, she just stared into space. I know it can be a soul destroying job but a bit of interaction would make the time go quicker as well as being polite to speak back when spoken to. Perhaps it is a tactic to encourage you to use the self checkout!

Now that was rude of her. The assistant's behaviour was far ruder than that of someone failing to parrot please or thank you in a conversation/ exchange where tone of voice alone is conveying exactly the same sentiment and in a more sincere way.

In case anyone is wondering, I do still regularly use please and thank you, but as long as the other person's demeanor/tone of voice are appropriate, I couldn't care less - and probably wouldn't even notice - whether they used those actual words or not.

My son has been living in USA (chicago) for 25 years and never says please or thank you. When I queried this he said Americans think it's servile and demeaning.

It does annoy me when I offer him a drink and he says "I'll take a coffee". But at least he comes to see us for which I'm grateful

BlueBelle

I find on fb most people do say please and thank you it’s the ones that don’t turn up that irritate me and the prize one is
‘Is this still available’ and you say ‘yes it is’ and then you never hear another word 🤣

I believe they are the scammers who take great delight in doing this, I have it constantly, and always reply when would you like to collect. Silence follows

..

Well done the youngsters
Obviously better educated than their Dad and must have a great Mum too.

I would always say to my sons when they were little - "What's the magic word?". They still know it now (at 30+)!

Parky

My son has been living in USA (chicago) for 25 years and never says please or thank you. When I queried this he said Americans think it's servile and demeaning.

It does annoy me when I offer him a drink and he says "I'll take a coffee". But at least he comes to see us for which I'm grateful

I would just answer him "fine go and take it yourself."

Some years ago I was obliged to use the ticket office on the Tube. I said " Please may I have a single ticket to..." There was a pause and the employee replied " I have worked here for x years and that's the first time anyone has said please ..."
I thought that very sad. Maybe it's just certain places- here most people use please and thank you regularly. The driver of the local bus is invariably thanked as the traveller alights.

Same with ours.

I love the idea of freecycle, but loathe actually using it, purely due to so many ungrateful and selfish people who either just grab it and go without a simple thank you, or those people, like others have mentioned who ask me to ensure I keep it by until they get there, then I never hear from them again.
One woman wanted an almost brand new single bed which had another pull out bed underneath. She knocked on my door, said 'I'm collecting the bed', then not another word, whilst I helped her carry it to her van and get it in, then she just climbed in and drove off without a backward glance!! I always hope the things will go to someone who really needs the item and/or has decent manners.
One chap asked me to keep something and turn others away, until he could get to me at 4pm next day. He didn't turn up. When I messaged him, he just said 'I was asleep. I'll get it tomorrow'. I told him he wouldn't as he was so rude, and he gave me a torrent of abuse!
Another time someone wanted something, and when I said 'what time would you like to come' he answered 'You can bring it to me, I don't want to pay for petrol to get there'!!! Luckily, I don't drive so said I was unable to deliver (not that I would've anyway!), turned out he lived about 40 miles away!!!

Biglouis your bookshop story reminded me of another pet hate of mine. I was always taught as a child that to pass between another customer and the shelf they were looking at, was rude, and if you must, to say excuse me politely first. Obviously that doesn’t bother others these days, as I’m often scrutinizing a bookshelf for a particular author when another customer steps in front of my line of vision without a word!!