Suspected autism in 12 year old granddaughter.

Thank you Callistemon
I cry tears of joy now.
We bumped into her maths teacher in SuperDrug. My Granddaughter walked off to look at something so I took the opportunity to ask the teacher if she was good at maths: her reply, she’s a genius but lazy 😂

Primrose53

Her Mum needs to push for a diagnosis. It may be autism, it may be something else or it may be she is just badly behaved.
A Psychologist will assess her.

My niece got so fed up waiting that she paid privately for an assessment for her son. He is 12 now. It cost about £1,000 so they just put off updating their car for a year.

It was actually £2,000. Just spoke to her.

Callistemon21

She sounds unhappy to me and desperately attention-seeking.

What else is going on in her life?

I would say that 99.999% of ‘bad’ behaviour is attention seeking.

Daddima

Callistemon21

She sounds unhappy to me and desperately attention-seeking.

What else is going on in her life?

I would say that 99.999% of ‘bad’ behaviour is attention seeking.

When a child behavious like that, there can be so many reasons or causes, whether it be ODD, ADHD, Autism, etc. etc.
ODD did spring to mind, but any condition requires a formal assessment.

How did she mange to get to twelve years old, without any intervention or the school trying to get to the bottom of things?

I would say that 99.999% of ‘bad’ behaviour is attention seeking. Sweeping statements like that don't really help, when the OP is seeking advice.

Having worked for several years with 'difficult' children, especially teenage girls I offer the following:

Are there other problems other than just those you outline?

The move from the previous school could have affected her, maybe she isn't settling in too well.

Is she doing well otherwise with her work and classmates?

Often this behaviour manifests due to other issues such as bullying by other students or teachers.

It is always best to treat these issues as quickly as possible because no one wants her school work to suffer, and there may be intervention available in school.

Despite the government claiming they have spent more money on mental helth in schools this money may not have trickled down to reach young women like your granddaughter,

The incidents you describe could be symptoms of autism, but diagnosis can be extremely slow or very expensive. Some private assessments will not be recognised by the LA so try to work with the school as much as possible,

Maybe she needs a reduced timetable for a while or a referral to CAMHS, but again the waiting lists are very long. Some students wait years.

You say she was suspended from school- maybe the school has different provision for school transfers? If you aren't careful the new school may try to send her back- this is not unusual.

12 years is still young- my guess is there is a lot going on under the surface here.

Having said all this you are a grandparent, not a parent so your role in her education is limited if not irrelevent. I would work closely in a supportive way with the parents and just be there for your grandaughter in other aspects of her life.
Raise her self-esteem, praise her for what she gets right but don't bribe her into good behaviour with buying her stuff.

After working with girls like this for many years it isn't a simple picture, often it is far more than simply the school having 'silly' rules and I am afraid it sounds as if you are in for a protracted time of trying to guide this young woman through some difficult situations.

Try not to focus on her education too much, just be her granny who loves her for what she is and find ways to have fun in other activities that mean you all get to relax a little,

I wish you well.

Those little clues do not hint autism to me at all.

She is a teenager

Telling her she has to wear the blazer and her doing the opposite? Colour me surprised (not)!

Go through the school, by seeing her form teacher, discussing her behaviour at school and at home, and ask if she needs if they consider she needs a referral for behaviour.. The school will be able to give you strategies for behaviour management and try those first and keep records of the results to discuss with school.
I would avoid private referrals if you possibly can; they are extremely expensive and vary in reliability.

My oldest grandson was diagnosed when he was about nine and started running away from school. When he was caught and brought back he was obviously terrified rather than naughty. His ten year old cousin is currently only doing mornings at school because he can't cope with so many people and eventually starts throwing things or hitting people. Again it is obviously not being able to cope rather than being naughty for the sake of it.

Behaviours aside, I’d be inclined to say stuff the blazer or anything else that is nothing to do with education.

However I’m aware that if that is the parents chosen school (or the only reasonable option) well…

Good post keepingquiet

Too many children these days are treated like endangered species. They actually NEED rules and boundaries. Parents who indulge their offspring are not doing them any favours at all.

I'm sure my own daughter is autistic. At the age of three, she was given tests but they were inconclusive. When there is a genuine problem, it shows at an early age, it isn't something which comes on later in life.

Sounds like the granddaughter is well on the way to getting suspended from school number 2.

I agree with Curtaintwither’s first paragraph. Children NEED rules and boundaries. Twelve year olds should be following the school’s rules and regulations, even if they don’t always suit. Where would we be if every pupil chucked a hissy fit over whether they wanted to do this or that?

She sounds like yet another child who basically doesn’t want to go to school.

Apologies, spelt Curtaintwitcher’s name wrong.

Your description doesn't describe autistic characteristics. She seems like an intelligent girl who does not want to be in a school right now. I feel sorry for your daughter and your GD. It will be rough going but they'll get through it.

Doesn't sound like autism to me at all. I wondered if it was a reaction to having to fit in with rules and boundaries after home schooling during COVID? The bottom line is that rules and boundaries exist for a reason and real life is full of them.
Puberty coinciding with the late realisation that you can't always do what you want is a difficult combination.

Curtaintwitcher

Too many children these days are treated like endangered species. They actually NEED rules and boundaries. Parents who indulge their offspring are not doing them any favours at all.

I'm sure my own daughter is autistic. At the age of three, she was given tests but they were inconclusive. When there is a genuine problem, it shows at an early age, it isn't something which comes on later in life.

But the OP said in her first post that her dgd 'has always been a bit of a problem', so this isn't something that has suddenly come on in later life.

She is at the age now where 'a bit of a problem', whatever the reason, often turns into a much bigger problem.
If she does have ODD or something similar, or a combination of things, a proper diagnosis would be hugely helpful in deciding how best to manage this.

I have seen this in a grandchild. Something was obvious to those of us closest to the child from a very young age, but teachers in primary school didnt see it (though it was noticed in Scouts). It soon showed up in secondary school though.

Encourage the parents to push for an assessment / diagnosis, Trisher123.

doesnt sound like autism to me
Autism is an umbrella word. If you’ve met one child/ person with Autism, you’ve met one child with Autism.
That’s why it’s called Autism spectrum disorder.

Teachers see children in the context of all the other children, and although they do recognise problems they are often contained by the boundaries which schools are able to set. Secondary school is much tougher but the rules are there for a reason and home must support them. Sometimes, I am sorry to say, parents give up too easily and expect a diagnosis will solve the problem , which it won't; it may identify it, Strategies will be given but they have to be followed by home and school and it is not easy.

Aveline

Doesn't sound like autism to me at all. I wondered if it was a reaction to having to fit in with rules and boundaries after home schooling during COVID? The bottom line is that rules and boundaries exist for a reason and real life is full of them.
Puberty coinciding with the late realisation that you can't always do what you want is a difficult combination.

I think a lot of children that age are struggling but in different way and Covid lockdowns are a huge factor in that.

Some are suffering social anxiety, others are finding it difficult to conform to the rules and regulations and they find that friendship groups fluctuated during that time too.

It's always a difficult age, particularly if they move from a small, friendly primary school to a huge and rather impersonal secondary school.

She needs some help and understanding from family and the school.

Are you sure that this is autism ?
To me : your description sounds like a normal stroppy teenager trying to assert herself by being rebellious .
I wonder if she isn't attention seeking .

Autism is more obvious from age three or four .
One of my relatives demonstrates it :
She lives in a world of her own , can't stand any change to her routine , loud noises /crowds of people frighten her , occasionally she becomes extremely stressed and she spends hours spinning .
There are many different variations -only an expert assessment can verify autism .

Sago

I have worked with Autistic children and had training to recognise the behaviours.
This behaviour does not point towards Autism.
Everyone now seems to want to be able to label their child,children and young people are sometimes just badly behaved.

This!

We didn’t manage to get a diagnosis for my daughter until she was at Uni doing the modules from her teaching course on ADHD and Austism.

She was always unusually quiet and compliant and had terrible social social anxiety from Secondary school onwards. She has subsequently said she always felt different and “odd” and unable to show or feel empathy and for her it was relief to know she wasn’t mad, her words, she now can ask her ahead at school for any sensible reasonable adjustment and her GP has a copy of her assessment.

Her Head, not ahead! Sorry

I think the parents need a thorough discussion with the school and with your GD present for some of that discussion.
The blazer sounds like a good excuse which is masking something else.
I'd suggest that if she is having problems with coping with the school in some way she is offered inside the school a safe quiet place where she can spend time cooling off.
I'd want her assessed for a learning difficulty and for ADHD.The parents can ask the school to begin proceedings for that, but should also go to their GP. Either way it will take a long time and if they can afford a private assessment it would be worth doing so.
She is 12 now, if her behaviour has always been difficult she is reaching the age when she should be able to discuss what is wrong and why she acts as she does. Then try to find a way that will enable her to cope and stay in education.

Good luck and remember schools are sometimes not the easiest places for childen to be.

petra

^doesnt sound like autism to me^
Autism is an umbrella word. If you’ve met one child/ person with Autism, you’ve met one child with Autism.
That’s why it’s called Autism spectrum disorder.

True, but I agree with others that this doesn't necessarily suggest autism.

PS. I'm no child psychologist, but I have taught and privately tutored a number of children with autism of various kinds.

A professional assessment and action plan is needed.