To say to my son and his wife that we can't look after their kids that week

Go ahead and book and give them plenty of notice when you are unavailable. If you were sick they’d have to manage - what about nursery? After school club? You aren’t their staff- you are helping them out over and above what most people would consider reasonable.

Act like a doormat and your children (and their spouses) will wipe their feet on you. It is one thing for grandparents to give a bit of help with childcare, but the responsibiity for arranging and providing childcare lies with the parents.

You DiL's parents have been firm with them and said that they will not do child care, now it is time for you to say that you will do so much and no more.

Do not -ask your S and DiL whether you can have a weeks leave. Tell them that you will be away for a certain week and that they will need to organise alternative care and just leave them to do it. How that is arranged is nothing to do with you.

Do not give in to any emotional blackmail about how difficult it is, how fragile the parent's health is etc etc. Put your needs first, - just like they do.

Coping for a week alone may be good for them, it will do you good to get away and have a break too.

I dont see anything wrong with the other grandparents saying that they have had enough of child care, you may feel that way too at some point.

Your D-i-L must have more than a week's AL allowance so why can't she book a day AL for the week you're away? V unlikely to be refused one day, even if she can't book it right now. & why can't she work 2 days in the office every 4 weeks, to make up the 1/4 day, rather than expect her employers to "forget " the quarter day? (don't know if she's already suggested this)

Book your holiday OP. People really shouldn't have children if they simply can't cope or afford to pay for necessary child care. It's irresponsible and selfish. They are treating you like hired help making you beg for time off for goodness sake!

She can swap to another day when GC2 is in nursery, but that is on the proviso that there are enough people to cover the day she is swapping out of. I know it's not until Sept, but she says it is a popular week and she may be told no, but the person that authorises it is off sick at the moment, so she can't ask until they are back. I feel that if it was another week, or that person was not off sick it wouldn't be a problem, but it is a good week for us, especially as we will have had the GC for the whole week before. I guess I'm just disappointed that my DIL didn't just say - no problem and my son keeps quiet as he will support his wife. In the end, if it is too difficult, it will probably be the GC that bear the brunt. Mummy saying she isn't well, and Daddy supporting her and giving the GC hard times if they are difficult. GC1 has obvious neurodiverse tendencies - separation anxiety is one of the biggest issues. She cries everytime we leave or she has to leave us. She has to be literally pushed into school, although the meltdown only lasts a few minutes in all cases. It is exhausting for them every day. I just feel for the GC if the parents haven't said yes fine no worries.

It’s obviously your decision, you know the people concerned, we don’t, but I have to agree with the others who have posted. Book your holiday now, September is not a school holiday month, the school holidays are over so there should not be a problem with one or both the parents taking holiday leave to look after their children. You are doing more than your bit and need a break.

I think that long term they do need to develop an alternative childcare. I suggest they look at nursery for the little one. In a few years you may not be able to have them for a week (or at all).

This time you will be giving them months of warning for essentially one day.

Book your holiday and practice saying no. You will not be available for one reason or another at some point in time - and it's not doing them any favours to think that you will always be there.

I know you say they struggle with parenting - but actually, so does everyone because it can be exhausting and/or frustrating and demanding... My son struggles physically and often brings the little ones to visit if he's got them on his own - so I know you will feel bad saying "no", but essentially you must or uou will be ill. They are their children after all.

Please stop feeling guilty. You will be totally exhausted and deserve a break.

What's your son doing?
Your son needs to step in and offer something, so far he's keeping quiet and letting his wife worry and stress about it when he knows she has mental health problems.

You've done so much and gone above and beyond for them, but you have a life too.

Parents, both of them deal with looking after the kids and juggling childcare and work. Grandparents should be a back up.

We looked after our grandson every day from him being 6 months old. I had just retired and our son's inlaws were younger than me so still working. We looked after him from 7 am to 7 pm when our son would pick him up, then we were asked to have him at weekends as well so they could go out but my husband who had started being ill had decided to take early retirement at 60 so we told them it was too much now as I was also looking after my husband as well as our grandson. We still looked after him during the week but because we had refused to have him at the weekend as well our son stopped talking to us for two years, but still dropped his son off at our house every single day without speaking to us. We did not want to lose our grandson so put up with it.

He only started to speak to us when he knew his dad was now very ill and by this time our grandson had started school but we (I) still looked after him during school holidays. Shortly after my husband died.

My advice would be, and I wish we had followed this advice, live your own lives, do what you want when you want, your son and daughter in law decided to have children yet, like our son, wanted someone else to look after them. Go on your holiday, if they don't like it, that is their problem, I know you say they both have medical issues but they should have thought this through when they decided to have children and not expect elderly parents to look after them.

If I had my time over again I would have said no, our retirement (to be honest we did not have a retirement as my husband was so ill) was taken over by childminding duties, don't let your lives be the same. Now our grandson is nearly 20, our son, now divorced, never does anything for me and has moved as far away as he possibly could, telling me that children should not be living on their parents doorstep.

To be honest, I could not care if I ever see him again.

Here we go again ! This is a so similar to so many threads. Please book your holiday, and if you find yourselves in this situation again don't ask if it's ok !!!!! - of course it's ok - simply give plenty warning and say , " we need to find alternative child care because we are going away on ....." Don't ask tell.I always did one day a week, but on the rare occasions it was impossible I let them know and my DDs were perfectly ok about that. Don't worry about what they will do , it's not your problem. I recognize it is complicated because of your GDs separation anxieties and know you are concerned about the mental and physical issues with your DS and your DIL. However they must face the responsibility of parenthood, your sons ILs have recognized that - you must too! By all means continue in future to offer child care but do make sure it is on your terms. Your DD and DIL must recognize it is a privilege to be able to rely on you for child care - you are doing them a favour , it is not the other way
round!!!!! Don't make reasons for why you want a holiday ie ' we need a break ' It is of no consequence why you are going , you are simply going !
Too many AC expect far too much from their parents . This is their responsibility !! Don't feel guilty, just do it. Good luck.

Book it you will have given them plenty of notice. And may I ask why are the children not going away with them, they can have a week without the children but they don't expect you to.

SIL ! MY typing error.

Seems to me that your DiL’s parents have the situation (& their daughter) sussed.

Your default generosity is a gift to your GC, long may this continue. Your son & DiL need to learn not to look a granny horse in the mouth.

Don’t ask, tell.
Be less doormat.
Book your holiday.

and have asked if this is ok
There lies the problem. It shouldn't be you asking is this ok
It should always be your your son or daughter in law asking you if it’s ok

Goodness I didn’t know crying when going into school was a mental health problem many many small children do it, who wants to leave mum.
Please book your holiday and just tell them, why couldn’t your son take the day off to look after his children.

Book your holiday.

Don't give in to emotional blackmail

I agree with everyone who has responded katienanal and also think that now is the time to start taking a step back and being less available.

LottieLouise 'How sharper than a serpent's tooth it is to have a thankless child' .

You know all the advice on here is good. That's why you asked. If your son and dil get stroppy-anxious (like teenagers!), show them this thread.

Then leave GN and re-register with a different username.

If they are abusive about it, they've proved their ingratitude towards your helpfulness.

You know the saying " you can't pour from an empty cup".
If you don't get your rest and a break you will not be able to help anybody.

I'm sorry family members suffer from poor health. But presumably they earn good salaries and may have to consider buying in childcare.

Interesting how the other GP are able to select the fun option.

I really need the break

There you go.

Those children will become ever more demanding. Time to put in some boundaries.

She can swap to another day when GC2 is in nursery, but that is on the proviso that there are enough people to cover the day she is swapping out of.

This is her problem, and possibly that of your son also, but it certainly isn't yours. You only need to be told about anything like this in a sudden emergency, which September is not.