Am I being Mean

It’s quite obvious.
Just invite her occasionally.
Why every week? It must be fairly boring for all concerned making small talk every single week.

It sounds as if she is taking advantage.
After all, her husband died four years ago.
Hardly the grieving widow is she?

Greciangirl the OP does not have her sister every weekend. It's very clear in the thread, several times a year.

Why don’t people read the thread before they launch in? Too much effort?

I don’t think you are being mean. You are thinking of her it’s lovely to do that. I can’t imagine what it’s like being widowed. I do actually think she could but you flowers or a gift as you do this for her to show appreciation. I think you are being thoughtful and lovely that you invite her to stay over new year

I dont think you mean to be unkind but, as someone whose DH died 2 years ago, I now realise how alone one feels in the house and what a treat it is to get out from those four walls, even if its just, for instance, à bus journey and coffee in town. I'm sure your sister gets a great deal of pleasure from being invited somewhere away from her house.
For those who say ' I don't know what it's like to be widowed but....' , I'll tell you.
It's horrible and often lonely.

Why don't you take a leaf out of her book and ring her and invite yourself to stay with her in a fortnight's time?

It depends very much how you and your sister got on before she was widowed, and you don't say anything about that.

If you don't want to invite yourself to her place or to say straight out that it is high time she invited you , then you might consider saying no the next time she invites herself to your place.

Simply say you have other plans.

She could take you both out for lunch every so often.
Otherwise she is being thoughtless or selfish.

I recognise myself in your post. I sometimes carry on doing things and feeling resentful about them. I’m trying hard to get better at this - working out why I feel like this and what I want the others to do, or what I can do to change arrangements so that I feel better, and less put upon. If I decide to carry on doing things, I’m trying to do it with good grace! Sometimes it’s not easy. I think you need to stop beating yourself up - you’re doing a good and generous thing that your sister values. She enjoys being looked after and treated. But sometimes looking after other people can feel a bit wearing. Is there a way to make it a bit more fun for you all? I find that my visitors like it when we order take away or go out and they get a bit more time with me rather than me being in the kitchen all the time. Buying good quality, ready meals is sometimes a good solution too. Could other members of your family help out? Are there other people you could visit once in a while for eg Sunday lunch? Or could someone else cook lunch at yours? Our is also the house that people tend to come to for visits etc. I want to make sure I continue to enjoy their company for as long as I possibly can. Sometimes that does mean not trying to be ‘the hostess with the mostest’.

Maybe she can't afford to invite you.

You know what I’ve just read about how you feel. I’m sorry but I think she’s just possibly glad to get out from her home and be with her sister it’s probably the highlight of the week for her. I wish I still had my sister life is short enjoy the time you have with her. Maybe suggest to her something along the lines of I’m fed up cooking how about next time you come let’s split the cost and go to a nice restaurant it will be fun.

I totally agree.

What you are doing sounds wonderful, feeling miffed to me is totally understandable. My sister and I both have invited my single sister over to our homes countless times for dinner, holidays etc. and we have never been invited to her home. But sadly my sister has some mental health issues so we write it off. Your sister may just enjoy getting away from her home and enjoying her time with you.
I think as we age there is always something we can be miffed about with our family and friends but also I like to consider that time spent together no matter the circumstances beats not having them with us at all. I say treasure all our relationships and try not to let the small stuff bog us down.

I am on my own and I do have friends over for meals but it always feels a little awkward when it’s couples and you need to go into the kitchen to finish the meal and just leave them in the lounge. It’s different when it’s female friends as they just follow you into the kitchen and keep talking !

Just noticed, I thought your sister visits you each week but it’s only a few times a year. That can’t be too hard can it ? Or is it more about the fact that you don’t get invited back ? If so why not invite yourselves to her and see how she reacts ?

Greciangirl

It’s quite obvious.
Just invite her occasionally.
Why every week? It must be fairly boring for all concerned making small talk every single week.

It sounds as if she is taking advantage.
After all, her husband died four years ago.
Hardly the grieving widow is she?

Four years is not a lot in the grieving process! Everyone is different.

It sounds like she enjoys your company. Next time she asks to come why not just say -tell you what, why don't we come to you for a change?

mabon1

I inherited a fair sum of money out of the blue, so unexpected. I told my sister. A few weeks later her daughter messaged me and told me it was my duty to give my sister some of the money. My sisters in laws died a number of years ago, they inherited everything. It did not cross my mind to ask for anything. I did send her a few hundred pounds telling her what her daughter had suggested. I did not have a thank you, the cheque went through my account two days after I posted it. Cleary my sister had been talking to her daughter about my inheritance (from my late brother-in-law's wife). I do not have anything to do with her now.

Blood is NOT "thicker than water" and sometimes our so-called 'loved ones' can be the biggest leeches you will ever meet. Keep 'em at a polite, but considerable, distance.

I'm not a widow, but I'd imagine it's good to just have people to sit with, and spend an evening or two with, every now and then.

No whistles or bells, just that feeling of being part of something again.

I’m widowed like your sister OP and friends have invited me over for a meal every 6 weeks. (For longer than I care to admit).
They sometimes said with a nice smile that they couldn’t wait to come to mine, I took it in good part - until I thought about it and I hadn’t realised how I had totally lost confidence, from being able to entertain crowds, to not being able to cope.

So I take them out for a restaurant meal now, also they appreciate that I (finally) started to take dessert or starter to their house when invited, and small edible gifts…..if this helps?

UPDATE - Thank you for all the comments.
I ended up inviting my sister this weekend (Sat evening) as its her birthday on Wed.

To answer a few questions, I love and like my sister we can have a good laugh together. (she has some annoying ways BUT I'm sure I do too LOL). My OH is quite poorly with a few chronic severe illnesses and I have my own age related joint issues. My sister is in physical good health (even though older than me), but I do think she struggles mentally - loneliness/depression.

But she does have a mean streak though (she once got miffed with mum because mum wanted a full fish rather than share one !) Its not a money thing she's not rich but comfortable and works pt.

I mentioned it this weekend about us coming to her for a change as that would be lovely, she did make a lot of excuses saying her house was a mess/she'd need to tidy/declutter, I said doesn't matter to us at all and that I would help tidy/clean for her.

Time will tell if she's taken the hint !! But I appreciate all your perspectives and am going to try and not get stressed/not sweat the small stuff (and be a bit more forgiving)

Peace is restored, Sue
I'm glad to hear it.
Have a lovely weekend.

Every widow / widower I speak to all say the weekends are the worse for being on your own after losing your loved one. Your sister is probably so grateful when you invite her it probably doesn’t enter her head you would want to go to her.

Iam64

I was widowed 20 months ago. It’s tough but I really wouldn’t want to be invited anywhere because someone ‘felt sorry for me for being on my own’

Indeed so. It is hard being on your own, but I am not into being pitied.

But, whatever your reason, it is a kind thing that you are doing, so good on you. However if you want to stop it, then it might be difficult as there is now a precedent lasting 4 years. I guess a gift is only worth giving if it comes with the right intent, and that seems to have dwindled now on your side.

Sue, what a good thing to suggest and it will be excellent for her to have you over to help.
All best wishes.

SueBooWoo thanks gor the UPDATE!
Keeping fingers crossed for you
🤞