Would you tell someone they smelled

I imagine she suffers from bladder incontinence, I have this due to a prolapse, can be very embarrassing, have discovered incontinence pads and knickers and change underwear more than once a day.
You really do need to have a word, I realised it myself and took steps to deal with it but she may be unaware of the odour. Others may not be as kind. And without probing try to find out if she has bladder incontinence, assure her that this is common and recommend pads and knickers if you feel you are close enough to say these things.
All the best x

It is difficut ut at the end of the day it would be a kindness.

Grammaretto

Such a hard one. I have one friend who has bad breath. I don't tell her as I feel sure she must know, her DD is a doctor. What could she do about it anyway?
Stale urine is horrible though. Could you instigate a discussion about bladder leaks and talk about tena pads?
I was asked to buy some for a friend once which was the first time I discovered the range available.
For men too.

A dd once had a temp job at a very upmarket estate agency. One of the senior staff had absolutely appalling bad breath - it would apparently hit you from across the desk.

Whether anyone spoke to her about it I don’t know (she was married so you’d think her dh might have said something!) but eventually she visited the dentist, after apparently not going for many years.

She’d had so much accumulated plaque that after a really major clean, a noticeable gap was revealed between her front teeth - nobody had realised that her teeth weren’t naturally like that.

And apparently, the bad breath problem was sorted.

One smell that I find really offensive is one of the fabric conditioners. I don't know which one, as (obviously) I don't use it, but its fans seem to soak their clothes in it neat. It is overpowering, and pungent. I hate it. Maybe it's those scent boost things that I've seen advertised.

If I cared about somebody I would tell them, and I would really like someone to tell me if I had a problem.

She will not be able to smell it herself, I think NotSpaghetti 10.08 was a very kind way of telling her..

Sadly, all the hints, or talking about deodorants etc will have no effect if she isn’t aware that she smells. The only way, if it really bothers you, is to spell out that she smells, obviously gently and tactfully, but with no room for misunderstanding.

This is such a difficult thing to do. I have had to on two occasions, one a man with bad BO and a young girl living at home who smelled so strongly of stale cooking spices no one would sit anywhere near her. In both cases the person was very upset but were glad to be told because they thought nobody liked them and were very lonely in the workplace. Try pointing out all the good things about her and how you envy her dress sense but add that she is probably unaware she does have a bit of a problem and can you help her to sort it out? It might work, she must be aware people avoid her.

Chestnut -so sorry that I freaked you out !
I doubt if your clothes pong .
It's a good idea to wash your woolies in the summer ready for the winter .
I like fragrant detergents and spash in some Zoflora .
I use home grown lavender on the carpets by sprinkling dried flowers over the pile then vacuuming it off .
And spray everything with scent .
My mother was the same .
I was mortified on the bus when a girl said that she could smell something bad - it was her friend not me !
Some people have a brilliant sense of smell .
And some don't !

Halitosis can usually be sorted out though - it's caused by bacteria so finding the cause of that is key.
Teeth, kidneys, diet or whatever..

Working with someone who has halitosis is the worst.
I know they can't help it, but it is.

I do remember being tasked many years ago with mentioning to our new junior colleague that she had dreadful BO. We had a team leader who chickened out so the team took a vote and decided I was the youngest and most diplomatic (or next to last in!). I was very reluctant to talk to her but someone had to.

I went to help her make the coffees and started a chat about the most effective deodorants and what I used, asked her which one she used. She looked at me aghast, it had never occurred to her to use one.
She must have gone and bought one, it worked.

Esmay Bad smells make me feel really sick and it's embarrassing because I can retch
Exactly how I feel. I guess most people feel that when the smell is really bad but I'm triggered quite easily. I can also smell things when others can't so am very sensitive. You'd never believe I smoked for 50 years, my sense of smell is more sensitive than ever!

I have two elderly friends , who smell the same - of old unwashed cardigans worn day in and day out
Oh no, you've freaked me out. Now I'll have to wash all my cardigans and jumpers.

I think I might extol the virtues of Allways panty liners- say how brilliant they are eg if you have to rush to the loo or if there’s a leak when you cough or sneeze. If she looks blank as if that had never occurred to her, it might plant a seed.

The suggestions above are all very good and I agree using a third person is probably the best, then you don't have to speak to her directly about her own smell.

I can remember various people at work who smelt very strongly and it always made me feel sick. I have a very strong sense of smell and I can't stand it. I couldn't work in a smelly environment, I'd literally be throwing up all the time.

The worst was some poor bloke with smelly feet, and nothing could be done for them. He sat at a desk in a room with about four others and luckily I worked elsewhere. When I entered the room I nearly passed out. I could never have worked in there and I don't know how the others did but I suppose they got used to it.

Very delicate situation. I’d not say anything, others, perhaps her family must notice and might say something.
Years ago I worked in a very impoverished area. The children often smelled, I used the perfume on a tissue tucked into my sleeve technique.
The perfume was one I didn’t care for much, as I couldn’t wear it in any other situation.

"I'm not wanting to upset you because I care about you and we've been friends for years but I'm afraid I've noticed a bit of a smell today xxx - are you OK? I'm concerned it may be a kidney problem or the start of diabetes?"

"Maybe you just changed your medication?"

Spitting in the street can be an offence

Bad smells make me feel really sick and it's embarrassing because I can retch .
Years ago , my rather eccentric Aunt stank of BO .
My son , being rather mouthy told her - it made no difference .
My mother bought her gifts of toiletries with no effect .
I have two elderly friends , who smell the same - of old unwashed cardigans worn day in and day out .
I've retched several times .
I've tried to address the situation with toiletry gifts .
But I'm skirting the issue .
The only way to fix it is to say , I'm sorry but I think that you have a problem whether it's BO or urine or worse !

Anniebach

Is she breaking the law?

No, but she's breaking societal expectations which sometimes matter. This is particularly so where hygiene is concerned. Someone who smells is going to be unpopular (strong bodily odours are unpleasant) and they are therefore doing themselves a disservice. Likewise someone who habitually spits in the street or an adult who constantly picks their nose would be avoided.

I remember this at work , one girl was smelly , turned out she was ill

Marydoll

Is your friend by any chance taking a particular medication, that can cause it?

I once had a pair of favourite shoes, which I hadn't realised, that in hot weather made my feet rather smelly.
I was going into classes round the school, when one colleague apologised for the smell in her class, mentioning a particular child. I realised it was my feet!

I said nothing, hurriedly rushed off and those shoes went straight into the bin, replaced by an old pair in my room! I was mortified.

We were visiting my son recently, and my husband was wearing sandals. He was sitting next to me on the sofa, and I kept glaring at him and 'subtly' trying to mime that he should move his feet out of the way, as people were eating from snacks on the table, and the pong was distracting from the food.

When my DIL came to clear the snacks away, she commented on the dreadful smell . . . . . .of the Cheesy Doritos .

You are funny Annie not.

Having read more posts - I’d avoid being in a closed environment with this friend.
Perhaps, as a last resort, a few drops of perfume on a tissue might help - you could always say you have hay fever when sniffing it.

It’s such a difficult situation, I hope you can find an answer without upsetting your friend.

Such a hard one. I have one friend who has bad breath. I don't tell her as I feel sure she must know, her DD is a doctor. What could she do about it anyway?
Stale urine is horrible though. Could you instigate a discussion about bladder leaks and talk about tena pads?
I was asked to buy some for a friend once which was the first time I discovered the range available.
For men too.

I think the question is whether there would be anything she could do about it if she knew.

If it's a case of not changing pads often enough, or someone with BO needing to wash/change their clothes more often then it's kinder to tell them so they can take action, but if there is nothing they can do about it (eg if the smells are caused by medical problems that can't be solved) then why make them feel worse than they probably already do?

Someone at my place of work years ago had a real BO problem. If he came into my office I could smell it for ages after, and if I had another visitor within half an hour or so they would often say 'has Fred been in here?'. He always had clean hair, and a clean shirt, and certainly didn't look unkempt, but it was so bad I assume he was aware of the problem (he had a wife, too). If people had kept pointing it out it it could only have worked to make him feel bad - what would have been the point?

Mmmm, tricky one. I suppose other people ( less kind than you) must notice. Could you allude to it somehow and hope she picks up on it....eg." I'm worried about X as despite her lovely clothes smells of urine. Its so easy to miss these things unless somebody alerts us."