So tired but don’t want to lose him

What I cannot understand is that I was born during the war as was my late husband, we had nothing, outside toilet, tin bath, no central heating, we collectedcoal from the road after the coal men had dropped their sacks so we could have a fire. We lived near a refuse tip and when the refuse bins had dropped off their waste we used to go with our dad to find old wood and things we could burn on the fire. My mum had a ringer machine, a posser to do her washing.

We did not have mental problems we just got oin with it,

I know you are going to say I am being very insensitive but it is about time that everything was not put down to mental health problems, If they had lost their husbands, sons or members of family in the war, they would know what mental problems were but we just got on with it.

Even murderers on the streets are now diagnosed with mental problems. It is ridiculous.

Does the grandson go to nursery during the week? Is his mother capable of caring for him at all?
Get on to Social Services and persist; they are very good at dumping provision on family members and closing their ears to cries for support.

Mammals are still evolving bigbopper

I am sorry you had a tough life BigBopper - like so many.

I suppose now that we are more alert to mental health issues we can't just turn the clocks back and simply expect everyone to just get by.

NotSpaghetti

I am sorry you had a tough life BigBopper - like so many.

I suppose now that we are more alert to mental health issues we can't just turn the clocks back and simply expect everyone to just get by.

This is the problem, if something does not go the way some people want they put it down to mental problems.

My late husband's parents died when he was 18, just a few weeks after I met him. Even though I had only known him a few weeks we knew we were in love. Three years after we met we got married and then a few months later my dad died. My younger sister died of cancer and then my mum died.

Our second baby was still born and I was in hospital for three months with our third baby who luckily survived.

We didn't have mental health problems, we got through it all together.

I honestly think that if some people cannot cope they put it down to mental health when in most cases they should grow a backbone.

I have lost patience with them all, I think many of them are too idle to sort their problems out and are happy to let someone else do it for them.

People did have mental health problems though.

It was just kept quiet.

MissAdventure you are absolutely right. Pre and post war asylums were full of people suffering from mental illnesses.

I am so sorry that you are having to go through so much. Also sorry but I do not have any answers for you other than to seek help from Social Care. You are exhausted and drained and it is no wonder. Sending you love, hugs and strength.

We should not be lumping all problems together I think and it is both unkind and disrespectful of the challenges people face to say "grow a backbone".

My mum's friend, a gregarious, vibrant and joyful man before the war was a POW in Burma with all the depravation, deaths, starvation and abuses on the railway. PTSD was of course not recognised then and was belittled by many for his mental struggles.
We must not return to those days of "just get on with it".

It was just kept quiet - yes.

People as a rule, were obsessively private about what went on at home, and the idea that nobody else needed to know. Even if there was nothing much going on!

NotSpaghetti

Caleo the OP said
My daughter has mental health problems and can be very abusive. She has social services involved and I was brought into the plan to help her due to her mental health

This is the situation with her daughter.

I think it's interesting that she has social services involvement and not Mental Health services.. I really hope for the posters'
sake that she doesn't have EUPD..

We don't know ow if she does or doesn't have mental health services involved pascal30 - I suppose I rather assumed she did.

People with mental health problems can be helped to "grow a backbone".

With the right input, there should be no need for things to escalate to this extent.

They can be given coping skills and strategies.

Are you in the UK ?

BigBopper

What I cannot understand is that I was born during the war as was my late husband, we had nothing, outside toilet, tin bath, no central heating, we collectedcoal from the road after the coal men had dropped their sacks so we could have a fire. We lived near a refuse tip and when the refuse bins had dropped off their waste we used to go with our dad to find old wood and things we could burn on the fire. My mum had a ringer machine, a posser to do her washing.

We did not have mental problems we just got oin with it,

I know you are going to say I am being very insensitive but it is about time that everything was not put down to mental health problems, If they had lost their husbands, sons or members of family in the war, they would know what mental problems were but we just got on with it.

Even murderers on the streets are now diagnosed with mental problems. It is ridiculous.

Oh my goodness! I think you are me! I have moaned for so long about everything being blamed on mental health that I am now becoming boring!
I feel so sad for people with real mental health problems, I really do, but when I hear some pathetic backbone-less person on tv saying ‘ ‘it’s affecting my mental health’ (several times a day) I could scream! Perhaps if these people had real devastating issues like some of us do, they would understand what mental health is all about!
Sorry! I have ranted, but it really does make me furious!

Mental health issues aren't dependent on being deprived, or going without.

If I step out of my door safely, does that mean the person I know who broke her femur doing the same is putting it on, or should be more like me?

Aldom

MissAdventure you are absolutely right. Pre and post war asylums were full of people suffering from mental illnesses.

Women were put into asylums by their families because they had had an illegitimate child.
They were then forgotten and spent their lives locked away from society.

Crossstitchfan

BigBopper

What I cannot understand is that I was born during the war as was my late husband, we had nothing, outside toilet, tin bath, no central heating, we collectedcoal from the road after the coal men had dropped their sacks so we could have a fire. We lived near a refuse tip and when the refuse bins had dropped off their waste we used to go with our dad to find old wood and things we could burn on the fire. My mum had a ringer machine, a posser to do her washing.

We did not have mental problems we just got oin with it,

I know you are going to say I am being very insensitive but it is about time that everything was not put down to mental health problems, If they had lost their husbands, sons or members of family in the war, they would know what mental problems were but we just got on with it.

Even murderers on the streets are now diagnosed with mental problems. It is ridiculous.

Oh my goodness! I think you are me! I have moaned for so long about everything being blamed on mental health that I am now becoming boring!
I feel so sad for people with real mental health problems, I really do, but when I hear some pathetic backbone-less person on tv saying ‘ ‘it’s affecting my mental health’ (several times a day) I could scream! Perhaps if these people had real devastating issues like some of us do, they would understand what mental health is all about!
Sorry! I have ranted, but it really does make me furious!

Thank goodness there are like minded people. I am sick to death of everyone saying they are depressed, some of them have no idea what some people have been through or are going through, they don't have time to be depressed, they are too busy caring for disabled children, children with cancer, like myself, caring 24/7 for my late husband for eight years before he died 10 years ago.

What some of these people need is something to be really depressed about.

The O.P.sounds at the end of her tether; she is working full time,has chronic health problems, financial problems, two children to support, and been pressured into having her grandson for one whole day a week to give her abusive daughter, who does not work, a break. She is scared of tackling her about it in case she loses all access to the grandchild.
It is the daughter who has mental health problems, of which we know nothing, but it is grandmother who is left trying to cope. She really does need support; ideally SS should provide a cleaner at the very least so she can have some free time and to relieve the pressure, but the help won't be aimed at her.
It sounds as though the daughter cannot cope and I think the OP is terrified that the grandson will be taken into care.

What some of these people need is something to be really depressed about.

Clinical depression is different from feeling depressed.

If anyone has reason to be stressed/feel depressed it is TiredHelper who is just overwhelmed with everything that is being demanded 9f her.

There are some good suggestions on the thread and I hope a solution can be found so that you can start to enjoy your own children and also continue to see your grandson, TiredHelper.
I'm not surprised you feel exhausted.

Social services do need to know as you are included in their plans. Is your DD's GP involved too and perhaps MH services?

You do not deserve the abuse she gives you and she herself needs help to see that.

I hope you aren’t feeling worse after reading some comments here tiredhelper

I was trying to be kind but the situation is unfair and something needs to be done for the sake of TiredHelper, her children and her grandchild.

I know what it felt like to be a piece of elastic, pulled in all directions but I had a DH for support, although that too brought difficulties with his redundancy.

I am not saying that the mum (tiredhelper) is depressed I am saying that her daughter is the problem and she is making her mum (tiredhelper) ill by having her looking after her, her own two children and now her grandson.

Why do people have children when they cannot take care of them themselves then expect their parents to take over but still be abusive to them when they are trying to help.

This poor lady (tiredhelper) needs to hand her daughter over to Social Services and let them sort her out.

Not only is her daughter ill she is also abusive and she should be kept away from her son until she gets herself sorted out and leave her mum (tiredhelper) to get her life back without the problems of an abusive daughter. She (tiredhelper) will never, ever get any thanks for what she is doing for her daughter and it will only make her ill, then who will take care of her grandson and two young children.

This is the problem with many families, their adult children think they have the right to always fall back on their parents for money and help when things get tough instead of trying to sort their problems out themselves.

Sometimes it is about cutting ties until the adult children get their act together and seek the help they need.

Baggs

I also wonder where the fathers of all these children are and what they are doing to help.

Yes, I was wondering too.

BigBopper ' has it occured to you that when children are conceived we don't know what is round the corner.
Too often sickness, (of all sorts) can change a person.
You sound rather harsh here without knowledge of the true situation.

Tiredhelper when you have always been strong it is hard to admit to anyone how hard life has become - and hard for those who depend on you to see they are taking your strength for granted.
Sometimes we just have to accept we can't do it all.You have reached this point now and must ask for help.