So tired but don’t want to lose him

BigBopper

I am not saying that the mum (tiredhelper) is depressed I am saying that her daughter is the problem and she is making her mum (tiredhelper) ill by having her looking after her, her own two children and now her grandson.

Why do people have children when they cannot take care of them themselves then expect their parents to take over but still be abusive to them when they are trying to help.

This poor lady (tiredhelper) needs to hand her daughter over to Social Services and let them sort her out.

Not only is her daughter ill she is also abusive and she should be kept away from her son until she gets herself sorted out and leave her mum (tiredhelper) to get her life back without the problems of an abusive daughter. She (tiredhelper) will never, ever get any thanks for what she is doing for her daughter and it will only make her ill, then who will take care of her grandson and two young children.

This is the problem with many families, their adult children think they have the right to always fall back on their parents for money and help when things get tough instead of trying to sort their problems out themselves.

Sometimes it is about cutting ties until the adult children get their act together and seek the help they need.

This poster is only 39, so her daughter must be pretty young as well. I don't think is unusual that she probably needs help and falls back, as you say BigBopper, on her mum.. I really don't think that cutting ties is an answer to this problem..

I agree with previous posters that finding a nursery place during the week, or getting some of the fathers/ grandfathers involved in the care would relieve some of the pressure on this poor poster..

So sorry you are in this dilemma, and doesn’t matter how young you are you have an enormous amount of responsibility resting on your shoulders, too much, and coupled with your health issues this is just not doable without you breaking apart.
First make a list of who can help with this situation, you say you have no friends but what about other relatives. You mention your MiL but what about the father of your children - can he help out by taking the kids at the weekend sometimes? The father of your daughters baby and his family, can they not take the baby every other weekend?
If social services are involved and drew up this plan were they aware that other caregivers could ease the burden or were they just happy you accepted the role? Am pretty sure the plan could accommodate other responsible care givers.
My worry is that you are in fact doing all this because you are scared your daughter will refuse you access to your grandson but if social services have you down as a caregiver I doubt she can do this without social services becoming involved.
Your fear could be drawing the boundaries of the box you have put yourself in.
Speak out to others who can and must help with this, say how utterly exhausted you are and go to your GP to get his help with this.
You really can’t carry on like this and I am sure you know it.

pascal30

BigBopper

I am not saying that the mum (tiredhelper) is depressed I am saying that her daughter is the problem and she is making her mum (tiredhelper) ill by having her looking after her, her own two children and now her grandson.

Why do people have children when they cannot take care of them themselves then expect their parents to take over but still be abusive to them when they are trying to help.

This poor lady (tiredhelper) needs to hand her daughter over to Social Services and let them sort her out.

Not only is her daughter ill she is also abusive and she should be kept away from her son until she gets herself sorted out and leave her mum (tiredhelper) to get her life back without the problems of an abusive daughter. She (tiredhelper) will never, ever get any thanks for what she is doing for her daughter and it will only make her ill, then who will take care of her grandson and two young children.

This is the problem with many families, their adult children think they have the right to always fall back on their parents for money and help when things get tough instead of trying to sort their problems out themselves.

Sometimes it is about cutting ties until the adult children get their act together and seek the help they need.

This poster is only 39, so her daughter must be pretty young as well. I don't think is unusual that she probably needs help and falls back, as you say BigBopper, on her mum.. I really don't think that cutting ties is an answer to this problem..

I agree with previous posters that finding a nursery place during the week, or getting some of the fathers/ grandfathers involved in the care would relieve some of the pressure on this poor poster..

Tiredhelper is at the end of her tether because of her abusive mentally ill daughter.

All the pity in the world will not make this better, the daughter needs help now and so does her mum (Tiredhelper) so it is best if the daughter, no matter how young she is gets the help she needs from Social services as she is a strain on the family.

Tiredhelper needs to step away now otherwise she will end up in hospital and the three children will be taken into care because there is no way they will give custody of her two sons and grandson to this mentally unstable daughter.

Tiredhelper needs to put the care of her two children and grandson first, her daughter is abusive and only cares about herself, time to cut the strings and let the professionals take over.

Tiredhelper. I think you deserve a medal for all that you are doing. Please, please ignore some of the harsh comments here.
I would have hoped understanding of mental health problems had moved on.
Anyway my suggestion is that you might try reduce your grandson’s stays to every second weekend. That way you are not withdrawing help. If you made it everyone second and fourth weekend, you might get an extra break on the five weekend months. Your other children might have activities on Saturday afternoons and you could ask your daughter to collect the little one at lunchtime.
I hope she is taking the toddler to playgroups etc where she can make friends. She might also qualify for the 15 hours of free childcare.
I really do wish you well.

Talking about tiredhelper in hospital and her children in care is real scaremongering
I see you haven’t returned tiredhelper, not surprised given some less than helpful comments