I’m itching to just ask why?

Are you American? (the use of Mom). Is this card business more important in the states than it is here?
Fathers Day cards and gifts from mothers to their sons is unheard of here in the U.K. I consider it rather strange..

I had a difficult MIL and she really didn’t want DILs at all, so I knew where I stood and wasn’t bothered.
Try and rise above it.

Lilacs Thank you for explaining about your mother. I'm another who thinks perhaps you are in the USA?
Here in the UK it's only the children who give to their parents on Mothering Sunday and on Father's Day. We don't give to the parents of our grandchildren on these occasions. I can see you feel left out in your family as your mother gives to your husband. But that's all alien to us in the UK I'm afraid.

I was thinking must be USA
This doesn’t happen in UK unheard of Lilac
Children give the cards or gifts
Just get on with enjoying your life with your child and husband and don’t make your mother in law, who you say is nice, the whole centre of your worry You say you have a happy marriage why do you need confirmation from your mil just get on with your happy marriage

Sorry to be blunt but it all sounds so childish

This is one of those posts where no-one can give you the answer you’re looking for. Unfortunately it’s difficult to empathise with you as this is an unheard of issue in the UK. Sorry, as it’s obviously an upset for you, but most of us are in the same boat and never receive Mother’s or Father’s Day cards or gifts from our parents or parents-in-law, and don’t expect to do so.

I can see that the real problem is that you feel your MIL doesn’t value you - well it does sound as though there are some tensions between you, so maybe work on those if you possibly can.

Delila

This is one of those posts where no-one can give you the answer you’re looking for. Unfortunately it’s difficult to empathise with you as this is an unheard of issue in the UK. Sorry, as it’s obviously an upset for you, but most of us are in the same boat and never receive Mother’s or Father’s Day cards or gifts from our parents or parents-in-law, and don’t expect to do so.

I can see that the real problem is that you feel your MIL doesn’t value you - well it does sound as though there are some tensions between you, so maybe work on those if you possibly can.

I guess looking deeper the gifts are just a symptom of a larger issue which is the fact that my MIL feels it’s her right to ask my husband invasive questions about our marriage such as how much money he makes who makes more how we handle our finances how we split up money and household responsibilities. We don’t support MIL financially and she is in great health so it’s not like these questions affect her in anyway in terms of her living with us or us borrowing money from her. Her son isn’t a little boy whose mummy needs to keep track of his allowance or paper route money to make sure he isn’t blowing it all on the latest video game. He is a married man and an adult and to put it quite bluntly it’s none of her freaking business how he or we handle our marital affairs such as our finances. I would never even ask my best friend of 30 years these questions yet my MIL asks my husband these questions with no shame. The worst part is she asks him these questions behind his wife’s back even after I politely told her that how we handle our marriage and finances and split things up is no one else’s business besides each others. My parents would never dream of asking me or my husband these types of questions.

He needs to tell her, then, to mind her own business.

Your husband has to stand up to his mum and you need to ask it of him.

MissAdventure

He needs to tell her, then, to mind her own business.

He has. However it royally pisses me off they I already set a boundary how these things are none of her business and these boundaries were disregarded bc she couldn’t respect her DIL’s boundaries that she went above me and behind my back to try and weasel the information out of my husband. As if my own husband is going to sell me out or give his mom this information and betray me. We are a team of course he won’t answer these invasive questions anymore than I would.

If she starts in again I am so tempted to turn it right around on her, “well how much do you and FIL make, who contributes more, how much money do you each have in your accounts, who makes more money” and so on and so forth. Then when she looks at me crazy it acts horrified I can say , “yeah see don’t those questions feel terribly invasive and nosy” I just hate hate hate how it’s ok for the older generation to ask the younger generation these questions and it’s labeled as them just not realizing they are crossing boundaries or we laugh it off but if the younger generation were to dare to ask the older generation they would be labeled as terribly rude.

Wyllow3

Your husband has to stand up to his mum and you need to ask it of him.

He has told her to mind her own business and that these questions are in no way her business. She just responds but your my son and he tells her but your son is a grown married man and someone else’s marriage and how it operates is not your business. Would you ask your friends about their private marital business? No so then you shouldn’t ask me either.

I was always left in NO DOUBT if I overstepped the mark with my daughter.
No arguments, no bad feelings, but I was clearly told to butt out, so I did.

Yes, I love you mother/mother-in-law, but in the nicest possible way, please butt out!🙂

MissAdventure

I was always left in NO DOUBT if I overstepped the mark with my daughter.
No arguments, no bad feelings, but I was clearly told to butt out, so I did.

My biggest annoyance is when my husband”feels bad” about setting boundaries with his mom. I always remind him I’m his wife and should always come first he chose me when he made those vows. And that by “being afraid to hurt mummy’s feelings” he is saying without realizing it that he cares more and worries more about hurting his mom than his wife and that doesn’t sit right with me. He has since learned though and seen my point on that part.

For me men that are afraid to stand up to their mothers are stuck in little boy mode and it’s not a cute or attractive trait at all. I had to train him out of that. Other than that everything is wonderful in our marriage. He has come such a long way because before he would gladly answer any question his mother would throw at him. Since he stopped doing that and set strong boundaries with her my relationship with his mom improved a thousand times bc I wasn’t constantly feeling like our marriage was being judged by her or I was walking on eggshells.

Delila

Yes, I love you mother/mother-in-law, but in the nicest possible way, please butt out!🙂

I’m pretty much told her that before, “Linda I value our relationship but with all due respect these questions your asking are none of your business. You wouldn’t ask your married friends these questions so it’s highly inappropriate to ask us and I really don’t appreciate you going behind my back after I already set my boundary to ask my husband these questions bc his answer will be the same as mine we operate as a team.”

The very positive and good relationship with the MIL that was claimed in the very first post seems to have broken down very quickly!

Oldnproud

The very positive and good relationship with the MIL that was claimed in the very first post seems to have broken down very quickly!

Well i said that once my husband set boundaries and stopped gladly answering all her nosy questions are relationship vastly improved.

Lilacs45,

I dated someone for 14 years whose mum was the main woman in his life, so I know how that works.

MissAdventure

Lilacs45,

I dated someone for 14 years whose mum was the main woman in his life, so I know how that works.

Red flag alert

lilacs45 you've tried your best, your husband has tried his best.

You could try totally ignoring her intrusive questions and simply reply with a complete change of subject.

Or you could have a bit of fun and answer her intrusive questions with totally outrageous, exaggerated answers.
(That worked in our family).

Either way do try and stop taking the silly woman so seriously!!

The card and gift issues for Mother's Day that you're complaining about are just irrelevant here in the UK; as has been explained to you already, we leave that to only their children to arrange. Therefore you're unlikely to get any advice about how to change that. Like other posters, I'm a bit taken aback that your OP clearly stated what a good relationship you enjoyed with your MIL and now, 24 hours later, you're flagging up some serious concerns with her overstepping boundaries. From reading those, I'd say that you don't have a MIL problem at all; you have a husband problem. He needs to grow a pair, tell his mother to stop interfering and mind her own business. This is something only he can do. If he refuses for any reason, you'll have your answer as to what your future will look like and that's your cue to either leave or suck it up and accept that your husband and his mother are closer than you'd like and you'll never get a card or gift telling you how wonderful you are.

It does seem very odd that someone who originally claimed to have had a good relationship with their m.i.l., is now finding so much fault with her .

Smileless2012

It does seem very odd that someone who originally claimed to have had a good relationship with their m.i.l., is now finding so much fault with her .

To be fair once my haha bf set boundaries around her not asking so many intrusive questions about how we handle our marriage our relationship drastically improved

Maybe be thankful for that lilacs, that your relationship has drastically improved.

Smileless2012

Maybe be thankful for that lilacs, that your relationship has drastically improved.

That’s very true!

Well it’s changing as we go along now it’s not anything about cards and presents but intrusive questions and this is someone you have such a good relationship with 🤣🤣Just live your life and stop stirring the pot