I’m itching to just ask why?

What is your husband's reaction to the fact that his mother does not acknowledge your birthday in any way?
Does he make a fuss of you on Mothering Sunday or is Mother-in-law the prime focus of attention?
It seems she doesn't understand 'Your son's your son 'til he gets him a wife'.

As it really bothers you, you either have to speak to her and ask her why, which will probably cause bad feelings, or let it drop. I would say it is not that important surely; your husband and children are what matter not a mother-in-law who can't let go.

My DIL gets smaller gifts at Xmas and on her birthday than the son or DGC. We get on OK now, but in the past she made it clear that she's the DIL and not the daughter so that's how it is.

BlueBelle

*On Father’s Day my MIL gets my husband a nice Father’s Day gift and I get nothing*

Why on earth would you expect a gift on Father’s Day !!
Never sent any of my in laws mothersday cards or fatherday cards surely it’s for their children to send them They are not my mother
I always remember my daughter in laws birthday but I don’t send her anything huge a small present and a card ! We get on extremely well but she’s not my daughter
I get a joint present from them both
Same with my son in laws ( one now dead and the other divorced)but I used to give a small gift and card for birthdays
Christmas and nothing for Father’s Day they’re werent my father 🤣🤣🤣

I can’t imagine what you are expecting Lilac very very strange expectations

Sorry I worded that strange. I meant I get nothing on Mother’s Day but he gets something on Father’s Day. So that means what then? My husband is deserving of a gift for everything he does as a father? However me as a mother am not deserving of being recognized when Mother’s Day rolls around? Strange double standard it seems to me. Women are already overlooked, undervalued, and under appreciated why contribute to that. And you still get your in laws something for their birthday. I don’t need anything but just a card with a note would be nice but yes it’s hurtful the huge discrlenabdy when I get a birthday text and my kids and husbands get cards, money, gifts etc. Last year in fact my older child asked me what grandma (my MIL) got me for my birthday and when I told her nothing my child asked why? What am I supposed to say to that when even my own child is noticing how I’m treated differently than everyone else. I’m part of the family as well. I’m the woman her son chose to marry and spend his life with and the mother of the GC she loves so much. Why wouldn’t you want to include the woman who is the most important to your son?

sazz1

My DIL gets smaller gifts at Xmas and on her birthday than the son or DGC. We get on OK now, but in the past she made it clear that she's the DIL and not the daughter so that's how it is.

The difference is SHE made it clear that’s how she wanted to be treated. So apples and oranges there. My MIL and I have always gotten on extremely well so that’s why this discrepancy is confusing to me

Here we go...

eazybee

What is your husband's reaction to the fact that his mother does not acknowledge your birthday in any way?
Does he make a fuss of you on Mothering Sunday or is Mother-in-law the prime focus of attention?
It seems she doesn't understand 'Your son's your son 'til he gets him a wife'.

As it really bothers you, you either have to speak to her and ask her why, which will probably cause bad feelings, or let it drop. I would say it is not that important surely; your husband and children are what matter not a mother-in-law who can't let go.

How does your son is your son until he gets a wife apply here? He still sees his mom

I don't understand why you appear to be so upset by this lilacs when you say in your OP you have what you consider to be a very good and positive relationship with your m.i.l.

It's as if you're looking for a reason to fall out with her.

He should still see his mum, you're his wife not his mother. If you think that a son should stop being a son once he gets a wife, I suspect that the problem here isn't your m.i.l. but might be you.

Also that son is a son till he gets a wife I have that quote bc it’s used by bitter MIL’s who think they own their sons and should still be just as important as his wife. It’s said in a bitter way of, “hmph well my son has the audacity to put his wife first therefore I guess that makes him not my son.” When that’s not what it means at all . You can still be a son to your mother whilst creating your own family and recognize that your immediate family which is your wife and children now come first. Although some men never got that memo when they married.

Not to mention it’s very sexist. You don’t hear them say a daughter is a daughter until she gets married. Maybe bc women put their husbands first and their mothers don’t put themselves in completions with their daughter’s husbands

And.... we're off!

Smileless2012

He should still see his mum, you're his wife not his mother. If you think that a son should stop being a son once he gets a wife, I suspect that the problem here isn't your m.i.l. but might be you.

Where did I say he shouldn’t still see his mom? In fact I argued the opposite saying that saying is dumb bc putting your wife first doesn’t mean you are not a son anymore it just means that you are entering a new phase of your life where you put your spouse and kids first. He still sees his mom and I encourage that. We usually go as a family bc our family time is already limited so it’s just doesn’t happen as often but we still go to see her and if anything I arrange that

Yes MissA Here we go....

Yep And.... we're off! MissA.

Yet another progressive post.. YAWN

A mother doesn’t send her daughter in law a card on Mother’s Day FGS you’re not her mother
I wouldn’t send my son a Father’s Day card he’s not my father that’s up to his kids to do !!!

Of course she’s not expected to in your words ‘shower you with love and appreciation on Mother’s Day’ what are you expecting !
I ve never sent any daughter or son in-laws Mothers of Father’s Day gifts or cards and nor did my mother in law, although we had a beautiful relationship
As for your birthday yes I d expect a small gift and card but is it worth worrying about… if you get on ok with her hang on to that and stop needing confirmation of your abilities as a mother or a wife Just get on with your life and forget it, its all nonsense

The only people who should be showering you their thanks is your husband and your kids
Get over it storm in a tea cup Life’s just too short

pascal30

Yet another progressive post.. YAWN

We’re off for what? What am I missing? What type of progressive post are you referring to?

But my husband who also isn’t her father ir the father of her child gets a Father’s Day card from my MIL. So he is worthy of love and appreciation for his role as a father but I’m not worthy when Mother’s Day rolls around of love and appreciation as the mother of her GC? We are married we should be treated the same

To add: if you do for your son when her time rolls around you should do for your DIL

Smileless2012

Yep And.... we're off! MissA.

Jees-oh! Think I will go and count sheep.

I wouldn't talk directly to her to "have to out". Its gone on so very very long.

I think I agree with Esmay
"
If your MIL ignores you on your special days then she's probably jealous of you and regards you as competition -only she isn't going to say so directly. Observing other people's days is part of her game plan . If you challenge her -you've played right into her hands and she'll try to turn the family against you .

But I would want my husband to talk to her at the right time to try and get recognition of your birthday, entirely reasonable given all the other occasions she gifts.

Oh get over yourself lilac

BlueBelle

Oh get over yourself lilac

For not wanting to be the only one excluded? Guess that’s so weird to not want to be excluded

Also I didn’t mention this as first because I didn’t think it was relevant. But st times my MIL has been very intrusive in our marital finances asking questions such as how much does my husband make, who makes more in the marriage, who pays for what? I shut it down by politely saying, “Marge we are married therefore everything from finances to household arrangements are shared as we operate as a team therefore the rest such as who makes more is completely irrelevant.” Then on the phone she tried to be sneaky and ask my husband the same questions behind my back which was her trying to be sneaky and manipulative. My husband said the same thing just a litle more direct by telling her our family arrangements are none of her business. Not even sure how it’s relevant or matters to her. We don’t ask to borrow money from her and we never would. She is in great health so it’s not like she has to rely on us financially or for housing so our financial set up would affect her AT ALL. So it has zero effect on her. It’s just her being nosy and trying to cause trouble bc she sees we are in a very happy marriage. Other then that though she is wonderful

Lilacs Do you also expect your own mother, assuming you still have a mother, to send you a Mother's Day card in acknowledgement of how you care for her grandchildren?

Aldom

Lilacs Do you also expect your own mother, assuming you still have a mother, to send you a Mother's Day card in acknowledgement of how you care for her grandchildren?

It’s the fact that my husband gets treatment on Father’s Day and I don’t get any appreciation on Mother’s Day from my MIL. My mom gets my husband a card and gift on Father’s Day and me a card and gift on Mother’s Day. My husband should ask his mom why he gets something on Father’s Day but I get nothing on Mother’s Day especially when my mom gets for both of us.