Stuck

No, you are not being ridiculous.

It all sounds very difficult, and in the circumstances I don't think many people would be happy to make the journey.

Is there a train you could take? That seems to me a better idea than getting a chauffeur.

I agree with Doodledog; you are not being ridiculous at all.

Try ringing around the taxi firms in your area and see if any of them have women drivers. A lot do now as women feel safer especially if they're being picked up after a night out.

If you can afford to employ a chauffeur for the day and it's something you want to do then go for it .

Some areas have women only taxi services. Perhaps you could find one?

I fully understand why you feel as you do regarding motorway driving. A relative of ours was similarly affected before his aneurism was operated on. He was very afraid of the aneurism bursting whilst driving.
I must add that in time he had a successful outcome following surgery.
If you really want to visit your family and can afford the cost of a taxi that's what I suggest you do. I have a friend who does this. She too has a chronic health condition and has had to give up driving. You should be able to find a lady taxi driver. We have a few where I live.
Wishing you a gentle Christmas whatever you choose.

Crossed posts Sl.

You are being extremely sensible. Given your age and your health ,such a long drive alone would be utterly foolish. Could your son come and pick you up if you paid for the petrol and gave him a bit extra on top?

You are right to not drive there - that is common sense and shows how responsible you are. You are not being ridiculous. When it comes to driving you cannot be too careful.

Is there another means of transport to get you there and back? Could you research local taxi firms and find one that has female drivers? You could then develop a relationship with them if you use them regularly.

I am sorry that your family have such challenges to face and I am guessing that this does not leave them much head space for getting their heads around the challenges that you are facing.

When using the train I have used Passenger Assist - here is the link to the information about it: www.nationalrail.co.uk/help-and-assistance/passenger-assist/
It is brilliant - they carry your luggage - meet you at your carriage - put you in your seat - on one occasion they held a connection for me and were outside my carriage with a wheelchair and whisked me across to the connecting train!

You don’t say how far away your son and family are. If within a reasonable distance definitely get a taxi. Or a train midway where your son coukd pick you up perhaps. Taxis will cost more on Christmas Day so decide how much you are happy to pay.
Otherwise have a little practice driving nearby and if you do drive yourself keep to the inside lane so you aren’t involved with changing lanes all the time and choose a time when it’s less likely to be busy. If that’s possible!
I am also in my 70 s and feel the same about driving so do understand, but know I need to keep it going so I did a 2 hour mostly motorway drive to a friend recently, staying the night as didn’t want to drive home in the dark and drove back next morning. I was rather pleased with myself.

You are not ridiculous, you are being realistic. The M62 is a fast and difficult motorway! Either find a driver if it is within your budget or don't go. I am becoming increasingly worried about motorway driving - especially the M62!!
You have a lot to deal with , your own diognosis and a family with complex needs. My advice is follow your gut , but if you decide to stay at home then do that and do not feel guilty. Good luck.

All of you, thank you so much. I feel a lot better for that. The pressure this year is because of the new house which looks lovely. And I agree that going one way in a day is much more doable. I must practice going further afield.
I suppose my anxiety comes from the fact that I shouldn’t assume they will come to me. This has always been the way at Christmas time.
I think with video links and messenger contact I feel as though I know the new house! As the children’s condition worsens they increasingly don’t know who I am though they remember some things about my house. And Aldom thanks for your comment about a friend who felt the same with aneurysm. its not logical but somehow real. I was diagnosed in 2017 and lockdown didn’t help my tendency not to go far by myself.
I will look more into taxi-ing services. We’re talking about suburbs of Leeds and Manchester , across the Pennines a difficult route though not very far.
Just thank you so much for not telling me I was being ridiculous.

messaged you.

You are being very wise.
I wish I could find the anti anxiety poem thing that’s states run the dishwasher twice. It sort of explains why these things can be simplified and not to worry.

My, personal opinion, after you’ve explained your worries - A definite NO to driving from Leeds to Manchester on M62 in winter, especially.
There are trains and the “assist” service is very helpful (according to friends). There are also coaches.
You haven’t mentioned whether you would be staying overnight but do think of this, even if going by train or coach.
It would be best if you could discuss possibilities with your son and mention your fears.

You are being very sensible and realistic. I know what you mean about the M62 and its various junctions. Sticking in the inside lane can easily find you going off too soon where it divides, or hassled by traffic joining from a slip road. Given your health condition and anxiety, you are wise not to drive.
Could you go by train, book passenger assist, and get a taxi each end, if a taxi all the way is not possible?

Op

You are doing the right thing not driving

However - your dil - she has enough on her plate
You clearly do not like at all and want to spend Xmas with you? Unrealistic

Another case of making her the devil and your son an angel?

No Hithere I don’t dislike her I feel for her deeply. She doesn’t like me. Which does make things very difficult.
Jeanathome where is the message? Can’t see it🙁
And thanks to you all for removing my guilt a bit. Guilt about feeling useless. The gransnet hive-mind is very valuable to me.
I will be having Xmas with my daughter, they might come over, I know daughter doesn’t want to go there, it’s all about wanting everything to be alright nobody upset, no longer being able to act autonomously any more. We all do our best and sometimes it’s not good enough as a father in law of mine once touchingly said.

You say you do not want to use public transport because of carrying presents, but feel you do not want or need a driver. You do not mention cost as a problem.

This is where you are going wrong. You do need a driver, whether you want it or not, so compromise. Get a taxi or hire car there and return by public transport, unless you are givenso many prrsents you need a car on the way home as well.

Silly to spoil your Christmas because you have a pointless objection to the obvious answer to all your problems.

I can sympathise with you and quite understand that you don’t want to drive.

Another thing though, have you told your Car Insurance company that you have an Aneurysm? You might find they want you to amend your Insurance, just a thought that you might not have contacted them.

A taxi sounds a good idea.

Where on earth did that post come from Hithere?

I don’t know the M62 but my local motorway is the M25 which is a nightmare. Day and night, and it’s unavoidable wherever you need to go.

Seriously, do really want to go at all? This is a busy and stressful time of year for everyone and the family you'd be visiting doesn't sound very relaxing.
How about a quiet Christmas at home and they maybe drive over to visit you once the Christmas rush is over?

Quite honestly, I know how you fee about driving as I am reluctant to go on motorways now as the traffic has increased so much and some drivers seem to take risks which put others in danger.
The roads are going to be extra busy this coming weekend too.


Another thing though, have you told your Car Insurance company that you have an Aneurysm? You might find they want you to amend your Insurance, just a thought that you might not have contacted them.
Yes, they need to know.

A train and taxis after Christmas might be better.

As you say it isn’t far, is there a reason why your son can’t pick you up, and take you home after your visit?

I know the M62 a little and it’s certainly not my favourite road. It makes the M25 look like a golf buggy ride through a park!

I’d second the suggestion of a taxi at both ends with a train for the Leeds/Manchester part. My dd lives in Leeds and often goes to Manchester to see a friend. She almost always goes by train.

Having to tote presents can be solved by posting them or using a carrier service. Then you only need to carry your personal effects with you.