Stuck

You could try passenger assist to help you travelling by rail. I had a look & it doesn't seem to be exclusively for disabled people. They will help disabled, older or less mobile passengers with their luggage & help you navigate the station in circumstances where you've not had to use public transport much & aren't very confident.
Then give your son a ring once you're sure when you'll get there & he could pick you up .

I'm with Aveline here: do you actually want or need to go? Their health situation sounds very stressful and they may be relieved not to have to make the necessary effort to have other family members over. You could invite them after New Year perhaps, that period when it all seems a bit boring and it would be nice to have something to look forward to. You really shouldn't make yourself drive in conditions that stress you our, that is when you are likely to have an accident. We all have to accept that we can't do some things that we used to do, it's part of getting older and best to accept it gracefully and work round the problem. I hope you manage to sort things out.

My sympathies, We are the same age, I see , and I dislike motorways, especially if there are circular bits. I think that many of we older folk lose confidence without at first realising that it is disappearing.

Would love to add something really helpful but cannot. Maybe you can be guided by other posts and travel by coach;

I, too, live alone and I send you my very Best Wishes for Christmas and the New Year.

I have decided not to drive at night. Over the past few years, day or night, I always drive to the children’s houses, to save them the trouble of packing kids, nappies, bottles, change of clothes etc. Now that they are all older, 6+ , they should cone to me, if they want to see me. That’s my NY Resolution..

I refuse to drive after dark and use public transport whenever possible.
I don't travel far at Christmas. Been there, done that and it's horrible.
The roads are packed and there are often delays.
Save driving for the better weather.
Stay at home. Post the gifts and talk to everyone on facetime/WhatsApp
Or if you must go, go by train.

Sorry to hear of the health problems in your family. That must be very hard.

I would send the presents by courier and facetime your family over Christmas.. Then when the weather improves in April I would have a trip over there by train and stay in an air bnb nearby.. Your poor DIL sounds like she needs masses of help.. perhaps you could give her a break for a couple of hours when you go..
I would not risk driving and wonder if you should at all..

Thanks again all, I laughed at the walk in park of m25 cos it’s true (I am a Londoner) the M62 is a main lorry thoroughfare, thundering through and because the only transpennine route linking big cities with turn offs that would take you to Wales, Cheshire or Liverpool at a flash no turning back. The fuss over relatively poor transport in the north is not exaggerated and the junctions are ever changing their numbers and constant road works and accidents) it’s stressful, which I used to just accept but now can’t.
Physically there apoears nothing wrong with me I am tall strong and fast ( all that dog walking) it’s a mental thing. The physical risk of rupture of aorta is very low, yearly checks show no growth for seven years when it was seen, blood pressure kept low, not notifiable at this size, it’s psychological and perhaps a bit of an excuse. Genetic testing showed no signs of any familial condition. I had a gran who had agoraphobia it feels a bit like a form of that. I don’t have any desire to travel except to the parks and woods everyday with my dog. Which I love and is essential. People think I’m normal and want to travel, as I used to, but I’m not. So I think that is the heart of the matter. Which many of your your replies have made me see.
I think it’s the fear of confusion and speed in unfamiliar places that has hit me hardest. I think that is where age comes in, in the same way as youth is careless and speedy and they don’t think anything will happen to them, as you get older with a backlog of medical conditions, cancer, broken bones, it is the opposite, slow down, I can see lots of danger, mortality is a reality. Staring in our face.
As someone here wisely said my son has more than enough to cope with. The effects of myotonic dystrophy are are deep, the very last thing he needs is a mother showing any weakness. Dil sadly has always seen me as a threat for his attention which is why I step back . She is an exceptional mother and the girls are all happy. Life is strange. She declines any help from me. Never acknowledges gifts, doesn’t want them I don’t think she wants me to visit it’s very complicated and perhaps I have to accept it’s one day at a time because I can’t see the future getting easier. So I’ll just be grateful for the present and, thanks to you lot, forgive myself for not being braver.

Firstly, you are normal! It's quite sensible to be apprehensive at your age and with your various conditions. Secondly, it's great that you understand your son's situation so well. Give yourself credit for crystal clear self awareness. As I said in my previous post, maybe you don't have to put yourself through this. Stay at home and let them come to you when life has calmed down a bit.

Thanks Aveline 🤗

At age 79 I think it is perfectly reasonable you don't want to do that drive! My sister has moved to Wales and no longer drives. We have another sister with a Learning disability who wants to visit for Christmas. A young nephew will be taking her down and she will be getting a taxi back with my other sister as her escort. This costs £300 but comes out of her benefits and is well worth it. I am awaiting a knee op and there is no way I'd want to do the drive either!

I live near you and in your position I would take the train or coach from leeds to Manchester if you want to visit. You can use your railcard / bus pass . All very doable to be honest and not too stressful. Message me if you want more advice? Then get tram or bus or get your son to pick you up.
Good luck

Haven't read all posts but if could explain your fears to your son maybe meet half way in a family friendly environment and exchange gifts have a little lunch would that satisfy everyone's needs at all xx good luck

I think you are wise to want to avoid the M62. It is, as you say, a very busy motorway.

If you do want to go, then, as others suggest, look into using the train and perhaps a taxi to and from the stations. You say you have gifts to take, but unless they are big and bulky would you be able to pack them into a wheeled suitcase - this would make transporting them easier.

Perhaps, though, arrange an after Christmas get together when it’s not as busy and when the weather begins to improve - the M62/Pennine run can be horrific in poor weather conditions, as you will know.

Whatever you decide, make sure it’s the decision that is right for you. 💐

I understand your reluctance to drive I am the same. Why can your son not pick you up, or at least visit before Christmas even without the others he could take presents back with him. Adult children just don't think nowadays too busy in their own lives. I do hope you get to see him. I hope you have some lovely neighbours to rely on. Maybe try and get an appointment with your GP about you depression there is a lot to deal with in this modern world. Take care spoil yourself with some nice chocolates.x

Perhaps train and taxi? A stressful journey is the last thing you need. How about bus or coach? It sounds as if you need to be in a warm environment with someone else taking the strain. I do hope you can sort travel and have a peaceful journey.

My local council has a list of volunteer drivers registered for a Community Car Scheme. They assist people on grounds of age/disability/other. They just charge mileage. Not necessarily cheaper than a taxi but a good option from the perspective of peace of mind.

You are being vety sensible, not feeling competent when driving can eadily make you incompetent. Have yoh thought of having a few driving lessons concentrating on motorway driving. Driving schools aren't just for those trying to obtain a licence, they help with tutoring too.

You are not being ridiculous...Could your son not come and pick you up? Train/bus. Given your health and age I don't think that is being unreasonable. Driving on motorway can be stressful and I really would have thought your son would offer to pick you up.

I am a bit confused because I think you don't actually say you have been invited to go there? It seems you are having Christmas at home with your daughter.

If there is an invitation and you want to go, then take one of the suggestions above. Don't dream of driving on the motorway when you are anxious about your aneurysm.

www.uber.com/en-AU/blog/women-rider-preference/

I hope this helps.

From what you say, you are quite right not to drive, so the obvious thing is to look into public transport, either by bus or by train,

I know nothing about uber as it is banned in Denmark, where I live. Here you would qualify for handicap transport due to your medical condition. Perhaps that is also possible in the UK.

If not, explain to your son (not your DIL) that you no longer can or should attempt to drive on motorways, and ask if he will come and fetch you if you are to visit, which you would like to do, or can help you organize transport.

You're at an age when the stresses of driving can become overwhelming, so you're not alone and you're not being over anxious. I'm getting to that point myself (I'm 76) and DH has gone past it (he's 82). We, and most of our friends, have decided that long-distance travel just isn't worth the hassle any more. Your feelings are normal, me duck, so don't worry. The other problem is a bit more complex - could your son or d-i-l come and pick you up? If not, could you cope with a taxi to the railway station, then a train, with another taxi to your son's house? There's no shame in staying away if you really can't get there comfortably and they can't come to fetch you. Install one of those conferencing thingies on the computer, maybe, so you can talk to each other on the day? Just a thought.

You are right not to drive.
Don't even think of it.
Also why do you have to go at all?
Either have the presents sent by courier or wait until your son can come pick them up in the new year.
I can quite see why your DIL has enough to cope with caring for 3 children with severe disabilities.
She would probably be relieved not to have another visitor.
It's not personal it's just more hassle.
I have cared for family members but only one at a time and that was hard enough.
It takes all one's energy and emotional effort too.
So stay at home. Relax. Enjoy your woods and parks and dogs.
All the best for a calm and peaceful Christmas.

buffyfly9

I'm with Aveline here: do you actually want or need to go? Their health situation sounds very stressful and they may be relieved not to have to make the necessary effort to have other family members over. You could invite them after New Year perhaps, that period when it all seems a bit boring and it would be nice to have something to look forward to. You really shouldn't make yourself drive in conditions that stress you our, that is when you are likely to have an accident. We all have to accept that we can't do some things that we used to do, it's part of getting older and best to accept it gracefully and work round the problem. I hope you manage to sort things out.

Absolutely agree!

oh it is so hard adjusting to getting older! so many of us try to stay as mobile etc as possible... that is my view here, and my few friends in the same age group,, we all try to stay as active etc as possible.. just prayers and good wishes to you.