Conundrum concerning my aunt. Advice please

Definitely get the keys back and change the locks. Tell the ""friend" that its for her own safety too as things have gone missing and as she says she didn't take them then if she doesn't have access that will prove that she didn't. Its a bit of a white lie but better than upsetting someone who maybe hasn't done anything. Your aunt could have forgotten she had given things away either to that friend or someone else.

Does your aunt have full capacity to do as she wishes?

If you have POA then you are answerable to the Office of the Public Guardian should they choose to check that you are doing right by your aunt and acting in her best interest. I would talk to the bank about your concerns and get yourself a Rep card for yourself and may be they can implement some sort of password or PIN for transactions? Use insurance company as reason to get keys back as the house is unoccupied and only certain people are approved as keyholders and this woman, as a non-family member, isn't one of them. If anything should happen and the insurance company find out she has keys then insurance policy won't be valid. Nothing wrong with a little white lie.

Btw do you have Lasting POA or Enduring? If it's Lasting then you can help with finances if they still have capacity

Have you thought of installing a Ring doorbell or similar?

Exiles we have L P A and already help with finances. I have her bank account on line and can access it.
No point in a ring doorbell as no one lives there

Change the locks on the house.

Exiles I have had two long conversations with my aunt re Insurance and the keys. I think. I will go with your suggestion and say family only .

JamesandJon33

Exiles we have L P A and already help with finances. I have her bank account on line and can access it.
No point in a ring doorbell as no one lives there

The ring bell would be to catch the woman entering and exiting.

JamesandJon33

Exiles we have L P A and already help with finances. I have her bank account on line and can access it.
No point in a ring doorbell as no one lives there

Huge point, you can see who comes and goes around the house, she might even phone the door bell to make sure no one is there before she enters to do her stealing which she obviously is doling.

Do everything you can to stop this. It is your duty as you are the one AT PRESENT WHO HAS LPA

ring the door bell

JamesandJon33 I am so sorry that you have this problem to deal with. I note that you witnessed the woman stealing an item from the house that "was destined for a child". On reading the replies in response to your post, I see 12 wise Gransnetters have advised you to change the locks.
The woman has possibly COPIED THE KEYS already.
Registering the house with the Land Registry, as others have said, is another precaution to take too.
Good luck.

In a similar position I got a trusted independent person to have an official style meeting with me and my aunt (in my case the care home manager, but I did consider a solicitor and mutual friend who is a bank manager) I had explained my concerns clearly to them and got them to organise the meeting. We didn’t specifically ask the “friend” but did expect her and wanted her there (although we stated it was private, which we knew would attract her). She was allowed to attend as a friend and observer but had to listen and not interrupt.
The care manager took the position of a concerned official who had a responsibility to safeguard my aunt. She said she needed to have clarity about my aunt’s affairs.
She outlined the official police and bank advice and asked me detailed questions about my legal authority. She then asked my aunt what she had asked me to do about the house (clear it and dispose of things like yours) it was all very official. The manager reminded me several times of my legal responsibility to secure the house and bank accounts, expressed deep concern about things that had gone missing and strongly suggested security cameras (she was well briefed) which my aunt agreed to and the manager noted in the minutes.
The aunt was then asked specifics about what she had already allowed to be taken out of the house or gifted to friends (plural 🙂) -specifically citing a couple of things she had “heard had gone missing “. My aunt held her position that she’d not allowed anything to be taken.
I was given a turn to explain what I had sorted with the manager checking with my aunt. The manager stressed her satisfaction that I had done everything legally and above board.
Then “friend” was allowed her turn to explain what the aunt had asked her to do and about the items she’d taken with the manager checking with the aunt and stressing the legality (and otherwise) of what she was doing (noting how “friend” could be prosecuted for using the bank card even with aunts permission and that manager would be required to report it)
We all had to explain thing through the manager - (in a friendly but official way) not via the aunt. This kept it neutral and avoided blaming the friend and prevented either of us from “persuading” the aunt differently (no chance of “don’t you remember saying I could have x y and z that time….” Friend tried it and was firmly told that she had to speak through the manager as it was a formal meeting)
My aunt didn’t change her feelings towards the friend, she just thought the friend had been confused. We didn’t get everything back but the friend did get the message that we were on to her and things did get better.
I also had witnessed permission to change locks, put up security cameras etc and the bank card was surrendered (by my aunt) to the care home safe “to protect everyone” so aunt had to request it when needed and I was given a different card by the bank to operate the account under power of Attorney.

I would not trust the new "friend" as far as I could throw her. Don't let her have your aunt's debit card she'll spend every penny.

I don’t want her to have the card and I have stressed to my aunt why. However, as they say, my aunt is of ‘sound mind’. She is entitled to have a card, and always gives it back to this woman, with ‘I trust her’. I am just thinking of asking the bank to send her a stern letter.

Are you able to check your aunt’s bank statements to see what’s being spent or withdrawn?

However, as they say, my aunt is of ‘sound mind’.

Is she though, if she persists in not acting in her own best interests against all good advice?

People don’t have to be of unsound mind to be susceptible to grooming, which is what I believe is happening here having seen it before.

Yes Barleyfields, it’s sounds a little lie coercion in an elderly abuse way.
Poor old aunty thinks she has a friend…..

I think Dizzyribs' approach in a very similar situation sounds workable. Carehomes also have a duty to safeguard your aunt. Maybe the new keys and the bank card could be kept in the safe and your aunt can have them on request on the understanding that they need to be kept in the safe so she can't give them to anyone.
I don't know how your aunt's going to get things from her home or cash to spend if there's no family locally to get them for her when she wants them. The carehome must have some mechanism for residents to get cash safely, maybe you could find a way that works for your aunt & then she won't be so likely to give her card to someone even for an hour. & if she's lived in the village all her life, isn't there someone trusted who could pop in & get non-valuables for her if she really couldn't wait? The local headteacher, postmistress, organiser of elderly lunch club?

We do have close family living near, who had previously helped a lot. Rather pushed out by this woman , I think.

Put up cameras to record people coming to the house. They can send messages and videos to your phones.
Also hide some inside the house, perhaps in teddy bears or ornaments.
This friend could be sending relatives around to your aunts place to steal. Taking things bit by bit so it doesn't look suspicious to neighbours who may call the police if bigger stuff were to be removed!
Can you afford to put your aunts things in storage?
Also, could you pop down WITHOUT WARNING to stay in the house so this woman wouldn't know?
I've heard of this sort of thing happening. She has zeroed in on your aunt and I'd bet she's done it before, possibly to other people in the same home!
As you have POA it might be a good thing to tell your aunts solicitor that you feel she's been groomed by this other woman, that she normally wouldn't do anything like this!!
You could have keypad locks put on the house doors so the person needs a password to get in!
Alert neighbours to be on the lookout for people going to the house, leave your photos with neighbours so they know who should be coming and going!
And alert the home staff to this 'friend'!!
Also, speak to local police, tell them what's going on. Tell them your worries and that you suspect this woman has something to do with items going missing, she may already have been suspected by them for other crimes!!!

I find the thought of your Aunt being slowly taken advantage of by her 'friend' so awful, I'm becoming cross at the situation, and definitely feeling your frustration

I would have many conversations stating over and over that you or her friend could be held culpable for anything that goes missing, or leaving the house vulnerable to being burgled, open to arson, or squatters.

Point out you know she wouldn't want her 'friend' or yourself to be accused of taking poor care of her property.
Explain you feel especially stressed as you love her and want the best for her.
Try to get her to see that you need her support and approval or problems will ensue.

Walk around the home taking a video of each room with your phone. Paying attention to the items you know are important.

You must have the only access to the keys to the property, and your Aunt must be persuaded in the strongest way, that this is the only way forward, for the safety of her 'friend'.

If she is likely to be influenced by an authority figure, have a word with the police, who may send someone around to give weight to your position, by pointing out that to safeguard both you, her 'friend' and the property, she (your aunt) must do things differently from now on.

If she thinks she is helping the people she likes stay safe and not putting them in harms way, she may be more likely to go along with the changes you wish to make.

Good Luck

I think I’ve got through to my aunt and the wonderful carers at the home will help. Keep an eye on things there. House is now mega secure and nearly empty.
Thank you everyone

👍👍