Helping son's GF pay for my DD's hen

First of all are you sure you wants to go?

If so, does she have a birthday before the hen night? If so, I'd giver her money and tell her you hope it will help her enjoy the hen night. Or even give her the birthday present in advance.

I did that for my young friends daughter. I just gave her the money and told her there will be no arguing about it 😊

IMHO Hen and stag do’s have got totally out of proportion and involve the participants in (often unnecessary or unwanted) extra expense.
It can cost a few hundred £££ just to GO to the wedding for heavens sake - outfit, present, accommodation it goes on. Even worse if the wedding is somewhere exotic.
Add in a weekend away - possibly abroad-for hen and stag do’s and there will be those for whom it could be a pinch.
Whatever happened to a night out - or an afternoons yoga or chocolate making (!) followed by a meal ?
Just thinking.

RosieandherMaw

IMHO Hen and stag do’s have got totally out of proportion and involve the participants in (often unnecessary or unwanted) extra expense.
It can cost a few hundred £££ just to GO to the wedding for heavens sake - outfit, present, accommodation it goes on. Even worse if the wedding is somewhere exotic.
Add in a weekend away - possibly abroad-for hen and stag do’s and there will be those for whom it could be a pinch.
Whatever happened to a night out - or an afternoons yoga or chocolate making (!) followed by a meal ?
Just thinking.

I completely agree. The world’s gawn mad!

RosieandherMaw

IMHO Hen and stag do’s have got totally out of proportion and involve the participants in (often unnecessary or unwanted) extra expense.
It can cost a few hundred £££ just to GO to the wedding for heavens sake - outfit, present, accommodation it goes on. Even worse if the wedding is somewhere exotic.
Add in a weekend away - possibly abroad-for hen and stag do’s and there will be those for whom it could be a pinch.
Whatever happened to a night out - or an afternoons yoga or chocolate making (!) followed by a meal ?
Just thinking.

In full agreement. Read any thread over on MN and the sheer anxiety and annoyance these events cause is really palpable.

On a slightly lighter note, when reading the heading as in "helping son pay for GF's daughter's hen", my thoughts were, I hope daughter will like her feathered friend and she proves to be a good layer then I got the context

I also agree. The costs involved nowadays are beyond ridiculous. Is everyone trying to outdo each other? Whatever happened to a few drinks and a nice meal?

I went to a wine bar with a few girlfriends!
My daughter didn’t bother, a hen would be her worst nightmare.
I would be happy to contribute to a wedding but not a hen.

It is as it is, so I’d be like you petra.

I fully agree with those saying it’s a way over the top unnecessary happening
Thank goodness none of my children suggested it and hen nights weren’t around when I got married
I d much rather see the wasted money go on something for the new home or new life together

Hen nights - baby showers - gender reveals - prom nights...

I don't think hen nights were even a thing when I got married and the stag night was a few beers down the pub with some mates.

Once you've gone on the hen night to Ibiza for 5 days and then to the wedding in Cyprus you could have bought a small house

The hen im going on is over 250 the wedding will be over 1000 because were paying for accommodation for all our family so they will be able to attend . I must admit I did say to DH I hope they arent expecting much of a present ! If you just paynit and say thst you want her to be able to afford to go to the wedding that will be nice .

It’s a new world and one I can’t understand. It seems more about competing or keeping up with friends than any need. There seems to be no thought about the expense incurred for those who have other financial commitments. All so unnecessary and such a waste when the cost of young people setting up a home is so difficult. At one time weddings may have taken place abroad and any celebration would be nearer home. Agree it’s just like the prom/American business which is lucrative to a ridiculous degree.

When I saw your title I initially thought you were referring to a bird !!!!.
But as MOB I think giving money to your dd for the hen do is a good idea . Your son’s gf might be a bit embarrassed if you try and give her money .

I thought this was about chickens. Sooo dissapointed.

Why does your sons GF need to attend if she cant afford it? Let her work it out or decline on her own.

I think the opposite to some but I would not be colluding or encouraging this
I really don’t think it’s your business to be ‘financially’ helping girlfriends She might be offended or sensitive and she and your son need to work out for themselves what they can or can’t afford Of course it would be different if she came to you and asked you to help or lend her money but you shouldn’t just presume
There may be much more serious things they need help with at some point in the future I would help with things to do with their careers, houses, babies etc if asked, but over the top weekends No ooo definitely not

Does she want to go?

pinkboot5 I think that’s really nice of you, it’s the sort of thing that I would do! I have the money to treat my son and his gf, and it brings me joy, so why not? Decide on an amount that you would like to give them both, then when you are together with son & gf, nearer the time, just tell them them you are giving them x amount of money to spoil themselves, half each, and maybe they could use it towards the stag and hen dos.

To those saying that these things are now way over the top and too expensive, they are, and hopefully they will soon run their course, but people are put under pressure to join in these things and can’t always say no as they become socially ostracised.

When my children where getting married they had local hen and stag does only the amount each person would spend on a normal night out.

Both couples paid for their own weddings . My daughter and son in law went for a 3 week honeymoon as they could afford it. My son and daughter in law didn't as they choose to save the money towards buying their own home.

My daughter and son in law have always earned more than my son and daughter in law but both couples set themselves a budget for their weddings and stuck to it. They both saved for their own homes while renting .

I am proud of all they have achieved by themselves. With no financial help from me or other parents .

Both couples knew what they could afford . Neither saw the point of expensive hen and stag does and took into consideration what there friends could afford.

My brother's daughter and fiancé did the same thing hen and stag does local and paid for their own wedding and brought their own home.

Pinkboot it's kind you want to help your sons girlfriend but where will it end ? Will you pay for her to go too the wedding ? What will her parents think about your kind offer? They may have brought her up with the value if you can't afford it them save until you can or don't have it .

I wouldn’t get involved in younger peoples social activities.

So whiff you didn’t treat any of your children? No presents, no gift vouchers, no money for birthdays or Christmas?

When my son married he was pressured by his friends to organise a week abroad, as all his friends were married with children and wanted an escape. He refused because he didn't want to waste the money or his holiday allowance, and ultimately they did nothing because covid intervened. Same with the bride's hen do.
Instead they had a large party the following year for all who were unable to attend the wedding when guests were restricted to 30.

I think Spaghetti makes an excellent point. Everyone is different and this is just my opinion but the hen do sounds pretty grim to me. OP mentions “drink” and “themed costumes”. Lots of people don’t drink for various reasons and it’s their business if they don’t. The idea of “themed outfits” is one that fills me with dread and would have never attended anything like that when I was young. Nothing wrong with it just not everyone’s cup of tea.
OP says she has known this girl four years, she is nice and OP thinks a lot of her. I believe that this girl will know OP thinks a lot of her and that will mean something to her whether she attends the hen do or not.
I’m wondering if DD has considered whether everyone will be able to afford to go to the hen do? Is DD as close to her brothers GF and does she want her to go as much as OP does?

I asked as I have chosen not to go to hen dos in the past.

You could ask if she really wants to go before you assume.