Helping son's GF pay for my DD's hen

Previous message was for PinkBoots5!

srn63

I thought this was about chickens. Sooo dissapointed.

DITTO! 🐓🐓🐓🐓

Sorry to sound dumb but what is DD ?

TBsNana nailed it - practical and diplomatic approach.
But as to everyone who thinks that hen nights are a new thing, I had one in 1973 - as did all my friends! Had another in 2015 - 8 of us away in a cottage for a weekend. Kept the costs down with self catering and minimal dressing up 😉.
Both of my DDs have politely declined invitations to hen parties - it has never been a problem.

I would speak to DS and his GF first. Giving money to help with expenses can be a nice gesture but no-one likes to feel like the poor relative. Can her parents offer financial help? I might offer to buy her outfit for the wedding if it didn’t offend her or her parents. Some people can be sensitive regarding financial situations.

Ok , could you as the Bride's Mother say to 'Jane'-' If I was going on the hen night I would have normally paid for meals and drinks but as I'm not, I want you to have x amount to enjoy and make it a good night for my daughter' This way it looks as though it's to benwfit your daughter's night rather than offering 'Jane' a direct hand out that might make her uncomfortable.

Benefit not benwfit

RosieandherMaw Totally agree. Like children's parties too.

Nandad. If adults can't say No to modern day social extravagant events in case they are ostracised how on earth can we expect the young to say no to eg all the pressure of drug use, knife crime, vandalism.

I am always amazed by the amount of money spent on all aspects of weddings these days. This leads to people who have been together for some years and have maybe two children together claiming that they can't afford to get married. What a strange state of affairs we are ended up in!

So many comments judging the cost of the hen do ! That’s not what is being asked . How lovely of you OP to think of helping . You have a lucky family to be such a thoughtful person and to not be judgmental about the costs ! Each to their own. It’s very nice of your DD to ask her brother’s girlfriend and whether ‘Jane’ really wants to go or not it would be very hard for her to say no without giving offence. You can’t give her a birthday present and then tell her what to spend it on but of course she could spend it on that. Is it worth having a word with your son about it ? I’d just try and be as open about this as possible with Jane and say you understand there are a lot of expenses with the wedding and as part of the family ( after 4 years ) you’d like to help out, as you do with your own children. Perhaps it would be easier if you offered to buy something like the outfit she wants for one of the occasions ?

Sorry, I thought OP was going into the poultry business. 🐔🐔

Its very over the top now for everything, even children's birthdays, the mother's outdo each other. I don't know if I would fit into the world as it is as it’s just not me, I would say no especially i really didn't want to go or couldn't afford it. However if your son’s girlfriend really wanted to go and was hesitating because of cost I would give her the money if i could afford it. I have done that myself in the past, paid for holidays etc.

Ps If I wasn't short I would donate to the hen so no-one had to bear the full cost as it is a one off, if you can’t afford, it do nothing.

I think spending lots of money on hen and stag dos is a bit ridiculous. Expecting attendees to pay big sums is IMHO, wrong. And is your son’s GF a friend of your daughter? If she isn’t, she shouldn’t be going.

Keep out of it. If people want to spend ridiculous amounts of money on "showing off" then that is their choice and they should pay for it. I would save the money that you are thinking of giving for when your son and Jane really need it themselves, i.e. a wedding, house deposit etc. Hens and Stags, baby showers, Gender reveal parties, the world has gone mad.

It sounds a very uncomfortable event to be attending. Is there no consideration for people's finances these days? Are these all very young brides organising these silly, extravagant and self-indulgent occasions? The country is in a mess. Most people are really struggling to get through each day financially. A bit of life experience goes a long way in understanding and empathy.

OP didn't ask how we think young people should spend their excess money. OP didn't say money should be saved for home deposit in preference to a hen do. OP said she'd like to contribute and asked how.

Perhaps money in a card, next you see GS girlfriend?

JamesandJon33

Sorry, I thought OP was going into the poultry business. 🐔🐔

I didn't have a 'hen do ' when I got married though my ex had a stag. I was very relieved that my DiL had a 'sensible' hen party in a church hall by the home of one of her bridesmaids whose dad was a vicar. As mother of the groom I was accomodated in the vicarage along with the mother of the bride. The youngsters slept in the church hall on lilos etc. We had lots of fun activities during both days, including sewing bunting for the wedding itself, and went out to a local indian restaurant for a curry. Much better than spending a fortune on an extravagant trip. My DiL is very sensible with money. Now she's a mum she gets most of the children's clothes on 'vinted' and I'm glad she was brought up with the same values I've tried to instill in my own offspring. Son had a stag weekend which included going to an escape room but no trips abroad.

Honestly, Pinkboot, I hope you have a bottomless well of money because you're nobody these says if your hen do isn't held in a rocket going up into space. 👩‍🚀👩‍🚀👩‍🚀👩‍🚀👩‍🚀👩‍🚀

Pinkboot it's been 10 days since your OP what did you decide to do? Did you find out how much the hen do was costing ?
I can't be the only one who is wondering what happened.

redhead01

Sorry to sound dumb but what is DD ?

DD - Darling Daughter.