Advice please; I am really torn.

I would send flowers for the funeral and a suitable card. Go to your aunt’s party as she is family and it is probably the last chance you will have to see her.

Aunt’s 99th takes precedence, I feel.

Don’t feel bad.

Goodness surely a ten hour journey there and back for someone you are not close with is out of the question
I m not a funeral goer myself so dont really understand the need to go to peoples I haven’t seen for years or aren’t close to
If you haven’t seen the need to visit or see her during life why would you feel guilty in death
Send flowers or donate to charity in her name

Send a card to the next of kin and go to your aunt's party. No need for any guilt.

Definitely go to your aunt's party, if for no other reason than you had already accepted the invitation before you were told about the funeral. You can't let her down now.

Send a card to the friend's family, ask if there is a collection to her favourite charity if you wish, but don't feel guilty at all.

Send a card with your regrets and a donation to charity, your aunt is much more important.

I don’t “do” funerals either.

Go to your aunties party and have a wonderful time with your family . The best present for your auntie will be having everyone who loves and cares about her all together.

Just send a sympathy card and as you don't know the deceased that well. No flowers as they will only rot.

You have explained to your old neighbours family, no need to feel any guilt. A card with condolences and perhaps a few words about your previous friendship with her is ok.

Hope your aunt enjoys her party. 🎉

Definitely go to your Aunt's party.

To be honest I wouldn't have gone to the funeral even if it hadn't clashed with anything

Go with the living.

Your Aunt. She is family so definitely go for that one. You may not even know the people at your friend’s funeral and it is a long way. Just send a card.

Totally agree that you should go to your aunts party

Thank you ladies. I will with no guilt go to my aunt’s party.

Whiff wrote: and made me laugh:

"no flowers as they will only rot"
So very true.

Well quite honestly I agree with Whiff I have visited this friend every time I have been to see family who live in that area. Recently I learned that this friend had been on holiday just 30mins away from us. If I had known I would have gone to see her…but she didn’t tell me. …so flowers

Stop your unnecessary guilt trip now. You have an aunt you are close to and she is having a big party to celebrate a big date.

I am sorry, but very distant (literally) friends who you haven't seen for 10 years do not get a look in. Card/letter of condolence, donation to a charity and that's you duty done. the chances are that although your friends family remember you as a friend of their relativee, they wouldn't recognise you, or possible notice you even if you did turn up.

Well, I think the advice is overwhelming (advice I agree with), so I’m pleased to see that you are going to your aunts party.
Enjoy it 😁.

I agree with silverlining who said to write some memory and happy thoughts about earlier friendship in the card.
These are so nice to read over later - even if very small, almost insignificant memories.

I hope your aunt thoroughly enjoys her celebration.

BlueBelle

Goodness surely a ten hour journey there and back for someone you are not close with is out of the question
I m not a funeral goer myself so dont really understand the need to go to peoples I haven’t seen for years or aren’t close to
If you haven’t seen the need to visit or see her during life why would you feel guilty in death
Send flowers or donate to charity in her name

This.

I only attend family funerals. Not family, send a card.

❤️

Send a sympathy card or preferably write a letter (as I do).

If the family of the deceased friend are asking for donations to a charity you could contribute to that. Guilt is not helping and you have no need to feel it. It is a long way to go and your aunt is alive and hoping to see you - probably she is your priority.

Cadenza123

Send a card to the next of kin and go to your aunt's party. No need for any guilt.

Agree with this.
Family first……..always.