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Estranged from DD can I contact DGD?

(43 Posts)
Gr8dame Fri 27-Jun-25 04:51:05

My granddaughter is 22 this year and I’ve learned that she is attending university in the town where she lives. I have lost contact with my DD and would love to be able to email my GD but don’t know how to find out an email address for her. Can anyone advise me please?

Madmeg Fri 27-Jun-25 23:27:42

I would try the Uni email as has been suggested. Even though we are approaching the holidays students will still be getting emails on that address for all sorts of reasons.

I know of several people previously estranged from family members who have rekindled relationships with other family members. Give it a whirl. Good luck.

NotSpaghetti Sat 28-Jun-25 07:31:57

Shortbreadandkilts

I don’t like the idea of trying to contact her on a uni email address. It’s something that feels more professional than a personal one and to me a bit invasive. Ultimately it’s your decision of course.

This was my thought to be honest. It's too impersonal. I would send a letter if I needed to but not at this juncture.

And so much happens at the beginning of a year that I think anything stands a high chance of disappearing anyway.

I think your brain is way away from family when you go to university.
Not sure it's a good time ...

Others may know better.

NotSpaghetti Sat 28-Jun-25 07:34:01

As she's 22 is she a research student?

argymargy Sat 28-Jun-25 07:50:34

NotSpaghetti

As she's 22 is she a research student?

Not so unusual nowadays to be 22. Many students do extended courses including an MA or MSc, or longer degrees including a time spent in work placements.

NotSpaghetti Sat 28-Jun-25 14:29:59

I suppose she may also be at the end of the course...
I had stupidly thought she was just starting- but I see from a more careful reading that she is attending where in my head I'd thought "going to attend"

Yes. Lots of 4 year and longer courses but some postgraduate researchers appear on the website itself.

Grams2five Sat 28-Jun-25 14:56:00

I think if you really want you can send one email/postcard whatever. One. And then let it sit. And I’d make sure that I was prepared for any response before doing so. Presumably she loves her parents and will be on their side. I know that when my own kids reached adulthood my long estranged mil tried several times to reach out and every single one of our kids ignored her. Until our youngest , who had no memory of her whatsoever only the stories of her theyd gotten from their siblings who sadly did remember her - the youngest - I’m told by her sisters - told her in no uncertain terms to never reach out again. I didn’t hear about this until long after the fact . So I’d make sure you were prepared for a solid “go away” as much as anything else to guard one’s own feelings.

Hilltop Sat 28-Jun-25 15:19:18

Contact her if you can. She may not reply now, but it might give her something to think about. If you don't get a response try again in a few months when she has had time.
After about fifteen years, I'm recently happily in touch with a grandchild but not with its father who estranged me.

Smileless2012 Sat 28-Jun-25 16:38:40

Oh that's lovely Hilltop and just shows that we never know what the future may hold smile.

Hilltop Sat 28-Jun-25 17:52:19

It is lovely, Smileless, it took time and a no rush campaign from me over a few years. Carefully chosen birthday cards but not too pushy with contacting. Actually have met up and that idea came from grandchild. I wasn't too hopeful at the start but it has been such joy.
You don't know what will happen OP, it's certainly worth a try

NotSpaghetti Sat 28-Jun-25 19:31:53

What a lovely outcome Hilltop
flowers

BlueBelle Sat 28-Jun-25 19:38:14

Beautiful Hilltop
Never ever give up

Gr8dame Sat 05-Jul-25 06:02:55

So much help and support - thank you all for your invaluable input.
I decided to reach out to my DD and am very happy to have received a conciliatory reply from her suggesting that we all meet briefly during the summer holidays before the September term starts 😊.

Doodledog Sat 05-Jul-25 06:21:49

Oh that’s excellent news😎. You must be delighted. Have a great time.

Allsorts Sat 05-Jul-25 07:24:08

If it is the only way of contacting her, I would do it. Expect nothing. She is an adult and can make her own decisions. Her mother will have had to justify why she was out of contact however, so you won’t be in a good light. I would say how proud of her you feel and that you have always thought of her. I think the truth always comes out eventually. However much I thought of my mother I would have to find out for myself. Good luck.

Smileless2012 Sat 05-Jul-25 08:55:54

Great news Gr8dame I hope it goes well smile.

Norah Sat 05-Jul-25 14:02:25

Gr8dame

So much help and support - thank you all for your invaluable input.
I decided to reach out to my DD and am very happy to have received a conciliatory reply from her suggesting that we all meet briefly during the summer holidays before the September term starts 😊.

Nice result.

Lovetopaint037 Sat 05-Jul-25 20:22:21

If you contact her you will always know you tried. Now she is an adult and away from home she may now decide to meet or correspond with you. If not you tried.