Paying family to clean

Exhausted01

She has been cleaning for my Mum for about 4 years now and it has worked well. My Mum insisted that she pays her and my daughter has never let her down. Like I say it's a very informal arrangement she has a set day she goes but if for some reason it doesn't suit one of them then they just reschedule and it gets done another time.
My daughter had a very valid reason for not going this time so i'm just disappointed that my mum didn't pay her anyway.
She knows the reason behind her not going this time . I just wish she was a bit more thoughtful. X

This sheds a little more light. I hope it is one-off but maybe there are other cleaning jobs available if it causes problems in the family.

I would just wait and see...

Yes absolutely

Yep....I've not got grandchildren....but, if it was indeed a very valid reason (eg too ill to go perhaps? or important exam to sit?) then I'd go with the "holiday pay" idea and pay anyway.

Imo she's being very mean - given that she herself admits she's got more money than she knows what to do with.

Though I'm someone who tends to err on the side of generous paying anyway (assuming a reasonable job done) and, if I think someone is charging too little (a very rare occurrence as it is!!) then I will pay them what I think is fair - and make the money up.

Partly there's method in my madness - ie I want them putting me first for coming back again when I need them.

I wouldn’t pay family to clean. I’d hire a cleaner.
Such arrangements, most often, end in tears

Yes.

And unless the rich are mean and unkind of course they'd pay.

I would but I would make it conditional that she did an extra hour the following week to make up for it. That may sound a bit harsh. I would quite happily give my GD anything as a gift, but if we make an arrangement I expect her to keep it, no matter how much we love each other.

When she goes out to work I want her to understand that she gets paid for what she does, not for what she says she's going to do.

My DD3 has a cleaner every week she is very happy to pay even when they are on holiday!

Good cleaners are hard to find and can easily be lured away to better paying jobs.

So as a Grandmother she should pay to support her own family.

Why couldn't she reschedule this time?

I am very much in the minority here. It wouldn't even cross my mind to pay someone for the day they couldn't come to do a job of that frequency, family or not.

That said, as a one-off, I might give my grandchild a similar amount and call it a gift, rather than payment for a job that hasn't been done.

I pay my cleaner (not a relation) if she is ill or on holiday, so of course I would do the same if she were a granddaughter. If I felt exploited I wouldn't do it, but I don't - the cleaner is rarely ill and has a couple of holidays a year, plus Christmas and Easter, so it's usually 4 weeks (depending on how Christmas falls - sometimes there are 2 weeks off then) plus an occasional illness. If she needs to cancel because of an appointment or similar we reschedule the clean. If I am away or don't want her for some reason, I pay her then, too. She is a one-woman outfit, and needs to rely on a regular income.

It's no more than any employee would get. I tend to look on it more as weeks I do my own cleaning (if I do it) than as losing money. The fact that the house is kept going with a weekly clean (stairs vacuumed etc) means that skipping a week doesn't mean it necessarily needs more than a quick going over.

In your shoes, I would have a word with my mother, but much depends on the relationship you have with yours - it may be better to keep out of it.

Yes

Usually if they can't reschedule for some reason then my daughter does 2 weeks on the trot ( as she does the cleaning fortnightly)
This time because of reasons I can't go into this wasn't possible.
Over the years it's very apparent that my parents were extremely careful with money even though they didn't need to be. I have sooooooo many examples
I am so unlike her. If my children need a helping hand if we've got it they can have it.
I have so much going on in my life at the moment that is c* this has just really really hurt me.
You can't take money with you so if you can help family out why wouldn't you ?

Why has this upset you so much Exhausted, you say your parents are extremely careful with money so are you really surprised that as your D couldn't reschedule, your mum didn't pay her?

I think this is a case for 'least said soonest mended'. Maybe your mum was worried about setting a precedent and this not being a one off.

Yes

I'm not surprised to be honest it's exactly what I now expect.
It hurts because I know other parents / Grandparents are nothing like that.
I have lived my whole adult life knowing they're tight and i'm just fed up being told most weeks ' I've got so much money i don't know what to do with it ' then she can't even find £30 to pay my daughter anyway. Knowing full well that this is a one off and a very good reason for it.

But it's their money and their choice Exhausted and TBH I wouldn't have expected my mum to pay our sons if they hadn't done what had been agreed upon.

Exhausted - I don't blame you for being upset - even though I'm not a "child person" myself. Think I recall you said your daughter has been doing the cleaning for some time (4 years if my memory is correct?) - so it's obvious she's basically being a reliable person then.

She's really rubbing it in too if she's making the comment about how much money she's got on most weeks. Rather tactless imo.

I guess you've put up enough of a mental protective barrier by now to protect yourself from her comments - as you've been brought up by her and I expect she was rather mean with you and you handled that - but seeing it going on down to your daughter really rubs it in rather.

Thinking ahead to the future - and I guess you've figured out not to have any expectations much ever for any of the family from her direction. It would be as well to be prepared for her treating you and your own family this way throughout - so you know not to rely on anything ever from her direction for any of you.

Do you have any brothers/sisters and, on from there, does your daughter have cousins? Is it just you (and your daughter) that she treats this way and she's more normal to any other offspring she has?

I have a sister who she treats exactly the same.
And my sister doesn't agree with the way she is financially either x

In that case, I think you should try to detach from it as much as you can. Your mother is not going to change now, and in her head she will be right, and there's nothing to be gained by falling out with her. If she is treating everyone alike, it's better than if one grandchild is being singled out.

It's horrible when we see our children hurt, so you have my sympathy though.

My daughter in law does cleaning for me fortnightly. I pay her if she doesn't come as I would know if she had a reason..holidays, appointment or poorly.

Yes as she's your family and you say it's a good reason

No I wouldn't. She has to learn if you don't work you don't get paid.

No. I wouldn't pay anyone for not doing a job I was paying them for.

No. Pay for a job NOT done? No.

Yes. She is paid for her time, and that includes for her to keep that time free for cleaning for her client.