Gran rivalry

I think the competition is in danger of coming from both sides. Just opt out of buying anything else for the child unless discussed first with parents and then better to give them the money and let them buy or else as others have said treat your daughter and husband to some little gifts for themselves or offer to visit to help out only if they want this.
I'd be interested to know what is happening with the 2 prams, bouncy chairs etc. Were you asked to buy a pram or did you just decide to get one? Did you ask them first if anyone else had said they planned on getting a pram? Did you get the model they wanted? Do they prefer the inlaw's choice? So many questions and as the inlaws live locally you're fighting a losing battle so opt out of the buying for baby. This pettiness is not making life easy for your daughter and I'm sure she would be better off without it especially at the moment.

I have found that not making a fuss about these things and letting the parents sort it out is a much better way of bringing harmony which in turn brings respect and love from parents and children alike. One of my DGC's other grandma is very bitter about me because she thinks I'm rich and she can't compete. I'm not but she got it into her head that as I am the maternal grandmother she will be pushed aside. Actually it is her demands and sour face that annoys my daughter and SIL rather than me being the better gran. I just let her get on with it and reap the long term benefits.

When my first GC was born my son and daughter in law were living with her parents as they were preparing to move to Germany for 2 years. It was the pandemic so visiting was complex but my daughter and I were able to visit when my GS was about a week old. Shortly after that my son travelled to Germany to start work and his father in law drove him with a small truck load of furniture and helped him set up their rented flat and buy further furniture to get ready for the arrival of his wife and baby. I was due to retire at October half term, so on the Monday after leaving work on the Friday I accompanied my DiL to Heathrow and flew with her to Hannover with the baby. I'd planned to stay for a fortnight but Germany's lockdown followed so I had to return home after 6 days. I'm sure my DiL would have preferred to travel with her own mum but her mum still worked and I felt honoured to be asked to go. As a family they have always been very even handed with visiting and having often spent time with them along with DiL's parents I know them well and feel in some ways more part of her family than my own. There is no competition! I know I'm lucky and feel sorry for those who feel they are competing with the other grandparents. I live 200 miles away from my son and his family but so do my DiL's parents, though in a different place altogether. They now have 3 GC from their son too so they are sometime less available for visits. When help is needed such as when the second GC arrived, they were avaiable to look afte GS etc but other times I've been asked to go and take care of the GC when both parents had to work and nursery was closed.
When the family arrived in Germany I gave them money for a pram, which they chose and we built together while I was still there. I think if you want to support financially, offer money so the parents choose what they want. The pram is still going strong and is about to be used by my 3rd GC due in March! I've no idea what the other GP's have paid for - none of my business - but there is no competition going on! I am very grateful!
I hope things settle down and you get to spend plenty time with your family as time goes on and that the rivalry will fizzle out. Good luck!

It’s very hard and when some people say don’t engage with the rivalry, they are right but some of the ‘premier grannies’ around are so VERY competitive!

The other granny in our case has done some truly selfish and manipulative things and I thought at one point that my heart would break.

I’ve now got used to her behaviour , and hope that when our grandchildren grow up that they will see through her behaviour.

Hope it all goes well with your family.

🌷🌷🌷

Use this one-upmanship to baby's advantage. Get a copy of their birth certificate and open a Junior ISA. Explain that other gran seems to have all of the equipment sorted. No doubt she will then want to either open one herself or put funds into it.

But yes, you are mum's mum, so you have the inside straight, as you will be the go-to for your daughter. So have a little sympathy
Perhaps make better friends; then, anything you think they need still, check with her so you do not overlap and sit back and let her pay for it.

BlueBelle

My son had his second child out in NZ where they live, a baby boy, (now 24 but I still remember this like yesterday ) His other Nan and grandad lived a road away and obviously I m a million miles away so never expected much.
When he was about 6 months old I went out for a visit and stayed with my son, daughter in law and two children, the other grandma who could see the children every day, didn’t give me a look in.
One particular day, I ll never erase, my son was getting ready for work and said there ll be a half hour between me going to work and his mum getting back, you ll me ok won’t you ? I said of course I will love to have him, we ll have fun , He left and within a minute, grandma 2 came bursting in ‘hello I ve come to look after X ‘ I said ‘no worries we re getting on fine’ she waltz up to him, scooped him up and said let’s go and find some toys, went into the bedroom and shut the door. I ve met her since and been polite but I m afraid I ll never forgive her, I was only there for three weeks.

I would have opened the bedroom door and marched in. “Hello, I’ve come to play too” I would never have tolerated being shut out in such a rude fashion.

That is really,really awful Bluebelle. Especially as you live oceans apart and your chances of seeing your grandchild were limited. I suppose we are lucky because we had all daughters and were able to help because the other parents were either not around or had died. All a long time ago now and I have found being great grandparents we don’t get much of a look in. C’est la vie I suppose.

Ive got 4 DC with partners and families and the “other grandparents” ( why doesn’t English have a word to describe your children's in laws?) are all lovely - we even go on holiday with one couple and have stayed with another. I can’t imagine “ grandchild rivalry”. Surely the more people who love a child the better?

Just back off...
Certainly put money aside for the Grandchild .
It will be greatly appreciated when money for driving lessons , a car or studies are needed

Some Grandparents regard it as a competition .

I went through this about a decade ago .
The other Grandma took a violent dislike to me.
She told the family that she hadn't realised how attractive and intelligent I am !
I frankly think that she is a jealous control freak -that's the opinion of her immediate family ,but they accept it .They need her as a babysitter .
She goes to great lengths to exclude me from parties - Christmas,Easter ,birthdays , christenings (I'm the only practising Christian in the family)and even a funeral.
She even moved house without letting me know the new address .
When my son in law took me to the new one - she couldn't get me out of the house quickly enough.
It's so embarrassing and vindictive.

vegansrock

Ive got 4 DC with partners and families and the “other grandparents” ( why doesn’t English have a word to describe your children's in laws?) are all lovely - we even go on holiday with one couple and have stayed with another. I can’t imagine “ grandchild rivalry”. Surely the more people who love a child the better?

Exactly. I don’t understand the competitiveness at all. My youngest lives two hours from me and two minutes from her lovely MIL, of course she sees DGC much more than I do and I’m delighted that they’ve wrapped my DD and DGC in love. My middle one lives overseas and visits here every year or so, at least we have video calls and don’t have to wait for air mail.

Buying the baby’s pram is silly, any new parents would want to choose their own so surely just offer to cover the cost of whatever they’ve selected. I bought a preloved buggy from a charity shop that had served the donor’s DGC and has been well used by all mine when they’ve been here, partly because the modern ones are too complicated for me to fold, and I don’t have to worry about muddy dog walks with my £30 superbuy!

O don't consider a two hour drive excessive. How long does a parent spend going to and fro and shopping.
I had to walk 25 mins to a store with twins then do shopping. Took nearly two hours and a lot more physical than driving a car. Babies do sleep. Instead of buying stuff, why not try opening a savings account for GC. Other GP wouldn't be able to compete as she wouldn't the value of what you are saving. Bit of one up manship possibly then

Tell her that her knitting is shit.