Daughters Separation Anxiety

Hello

New here but looking for some advise

Our 36yr old daughter (D) got married in May last year. She had been with her partner just over twelve months at the time, he’s a lovely guy and he drove through to ask our permission before he proposed. For ten years she has lived over an hours drive away from us.

She has polycystic ovaries and had sadly resigned herself to not having children, although they both wanted children.

In November 2024 they told us they she was pregnant, our first Grandchild!!

In July just before the baby was born they moved nearer to us, literally a ten minute walk away, we were really excited that we would be seeing much more of them and would be on-hand to support with the baby. Her MiL now lives about an hour away we have only met her twice but she recently setup a Telegram chat group for us grandparents, we are in regular communication and share photos etc.

Her pregnancy went well and the baby was born mid August two weeks over date he was big at 10lb 14oz, she had to have a C section and he has a cleft soft palette nothing visible but means she can’t breastfeed naturally and has to express and bottle feed she seems to have coped with this very well. He will also need an operation to repair this which is obviously worrying. Sadly I have only been allowed to give him a bottle once, obviously this is the same as if she was breastfeeding naturally, but I thought I could take some of the pressure.

It appears that her MiL has similar experience when she sees them. I find this very sad, D seems exhausted and I have suggested that she could possibly leave the baby with us, and go home to rest, however she has told me she can’t let him out of her sight! We only see them about once a fortnight which I’m finding difficult to understand, when my two were small I had no family close, and there were times when I really could have done with help.

I’m a firm believer in the adage ‘it takes a village to raise a child’

I have asked her if she is talking to anyone about her separation anxiety, she told me her Midwife said its ‘perfectly normal’

If I am allowed to hold him she watches me like a hawk and tells me where I’m doing things wrong, I know advise has changed but I did raise two children, she is obviously very protective of this much wanted precious bundle.

I would like to hear if other Grandparents have similar experiences and any advise on how to deal with this, I really thought we had a better relationship, but I’m on eggshells when I see them.

Thank you