Feeling pressurised by male friend

Find someone else who values and respects you to be friends with. You’re not desperate.

No, that remark would make me feel uncomfortable. I would feel he is too needy.

Exactly 25Avalon and that’s what I thought it could be. A really nice friendship. Hey ho.

LaCrepescule

Exactly 25Avalon and that’s what I thought it could be. A really nice friendship. Hey ho.

Not even a nice friendship from the sounds of it, LaCrepescule

You and he want entirely different things.
As for not allowing someone to bring her sister with her on an outing to the cinema - he's not 17, sitting in the back row of the movies!!

Very few men want just friendship from a woman they like.
If you don’t want sex and you don’t want a relationship then tell him so now, only fair really.
Have you asked him if he’s willing to just be a friend for days out?

LaCrepescule

Should I be clear with him and say I can’t give him what he’s looking for? I’d maybe keep him as a friend.
Also, he told me he has a female friend (he seems to have a lot) who he’d arranged to go to the cinema with. She asked if her sister could come along and he said no (he doesn’t know the sister) but it struck me as odd and not very nice.

Oh for goodness sake!

Run.

You are only 68, time to find someone else for the companionship you want. 🙂

Back away! I think you know the answer, you now have it confirmed. You don't need this nan in your life in any form of relationship. You feel uncomfortable, follow your instincts. He will soon move on to someone else.

I would walk away now.

Send him a letter

"Dear Bob,

I felt somewhat uncomfortable during our conversation about relationships but couldn't think what to say. I would like to clear the air.

I treasure my single independence and have no wish, now or in the future, for a partner, or any kind of physical relationship or personal commitment.

I enjoy our relaxed friendship and hope it can continue with out any awkwardness or misunderstandings"

Kind regards Dawn. "

Then see how the next few meetings go

Well, it’s clear he doesn’t want just friendship and it’s clear that you don’t want any more than that…..all those red flags ☹️ already.

You’ve a home, friends, interests, a routine. Surely allowing a pushy old guy to call the shots regarding hope for coupledom and life-sharing doesn’t appeal, cos you wouldn’t be asking on this thread! You’d know. You could go to the cinema, theatre, Pub, out for supper now and again with any nice guy with better manners and more respect. A day out, maybe, some fun, a nice easy friendship, no demands - then home to your own space, without extra future complications, responsibilities or pressure.

He’s put you off and IF you still have any interest at all, it’d be better to say directly that friendship and the odd outing is a possibility - but no more than that. Sorry! Unless he’s risking more trauma (and there’s no fool like an old fool), he probably needs to listen now, act his age and not his shoe size and focus on sorting out his own life - not try to take over yours.

Good luck, but I think you’ve got this covered!

M0nica

If he is pressurising you now. Think what he might be doing if you were in a relationship.

I would also wanting to know much more about his 'traumatic' previous relationship. I am sorry but this relationship has coercive abuse written all over it.

I'd take the opposite view and shut down any talk about his trauma.

" Stop right there. I don't want to hear any more about your past affair. Lets talk about the film/ book/ anything else

He’s crammed a lot into 6 months. He’s emerged from a relationship with a woman in her 30’s which left him traumatised, recovered with the help of counselling and tried to embark on a new relationship. I’m exhausted just thinking about it.

Sorry LaCrepescule but to quote one of my mum’s sayings he sounds like a right piece of work 🚩

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

I just posted on the wrong thread, sorry! how does this even occur?

The blinkers are off - he’s an actual nightmare. He felt the need to also tell me that his ex keeps calling to tell him she still loves him but it’s ok because he’s over her! And that was before we even started eating.
I feel like an idiot for having troubled you all with this nonsense but have very much enjoyed reading all your replies.
He wants his ego stroked and I’m not the woman for the job.
My single life is glorious^ and the only male creature I want in my bed is my dog. Ever.

Lovely word SORES. The other thread sounds interesting!

He's after a carer/nurse/housekeeper.

Run!

I’m running! Actually I’ve stopped and am far far away from him.
I feel a bit sad actually because maybe, just maybe it would have been nice to have a friendship with a man who was worthy of me and if it had developed into something more, it could have been quite lovely.
He wasn’t that man.
And that’s ok.

LaCrepescule

I’m running! Actually I’ve stopped and am far far away from him.
I feel a bit sad actually because maybe, just maybe it would have been nice to have a friendship with a man who was worthy of me and if it had developed into something more, it could have been quite lovely.
He wasn’t that man.
And that’s ok.

Good move. A wise strategy.

Applause👏👏👏

He's just needing a caring person to look after him until he flies off . Don't let it be you. He'll spoil your life. Thank him for his up until now ' friendship ' and say you do not wish to continue . No more contact. You sound a lovely lady x

Ah bless you and so do you ❤️

I've just read your final post La Crepescule !
I'm.delighted and relieved at your decision to dump this old weirdo !

Haha tiredoldwoman! Old weirdo indeed. I’ll let him toddle off to bother someone else. He likes ‘em young.

Remember "Play For Today"?

Well, YouTube have one episode entitled "A Follower For Emily."

From 1974, it's about an elderly man and woman in a care home whose so-so friendship is toddling along OK when, one fine day, they decide to marry. Largely for companionship, having both been previously married and feeling lonely.

So, they marry and go off to Bournemouth - only to return to the home pronto.

Too late they realise it was a bad move: he's a moaner and she cries at the drop of a hat - they are NOT suited after all

But they feel they have to maintain a facade to the rest of the world.

It's gentle, predictable and so sad.

Sounds like he has never grown up!
All the mind games!