Being excluded from Hen do!

I think until relatively recently hen does were a modest gathering of the Bride's friends. To enjoy being together before the big day.

They have now mushroomed into huge, costly affairs and judging by some comments, an opportunity for bickering.

Some nasty people around in the world. Your dil doesn't sound a very nice person. I doubt she will change.

I feel very hurt for you. We all have lots of suggestions , but of course it is you that has to deal with this horrible situation, not us.

Would you have wanted to go?
Or would you have gone because you thought you should do?

I'm sure my daughters in law know I wouldn't have wanted to go... and I know they love me now but did they really do this at the time of their weddings? Probably not. I would have mattered to them only in that I was the mother of their husbands-to-be.

Try to put this aside.
It almost certainly means nothing at all.

I was relieved not to be asked by one (in America) and to be given an immediate "get out" by the other. I don't think this is your thing but I'm having a "hen do" on ....
Thank you! 🙏

I would have been peed off too.

When my son got married last year, my DIL had her big Hen do in London, with her sister, Bridesmaids and friends.

The following week her sister organised another Hen do for us older ladies, younger ones were included too if they wanted to join in. She organised a lovely afternoon tea at a gorgeous little tea room.

MrsMatt

I would have been peed off too.

When my son got married last year, my DIL had her big Hen do in London, with her sister, Bridesmaids and friends.

The following week her sister organised another Hen do for us older ladies, younger ones were included too if they wanted to join in. She organised a lovely afternoon tea at a gorgeous little tea room.

Your son has clearly made a wise choice of spouse. She sounds lovely

I know this is petty but I’d ask her why she’d let her daughter stay with someone she herself doesn’t care about.

Crass or clumsy behaviour - but take it as a 'warning shot' of behaviour that might happen again. Be less available for the less attractive demands on your time and attention.

Lucky escape in my opinion, most hen do’s are painful.
( hate any ‘organized fun’ )
But I get why you’re upset.

My DD has just returned from a hen do abroad. The only people invited were brides close friends and 2 of her SILs. No mums invited. If they invite one mum they should invite both imo. The comment wasn't very nice either. Do you have a gd relationship with her?

crazyH

How upsetting for you and such disregard for you, by your future DIL. I wonder what your son thinks about that 🤔 - is it because she thought you were not well enough to go abroad ?
I’m not wanting to upset you, but if it was me, the hurt would have lasted ages. But then, I am one of those who just overthinks and somehow find it hard to forget.
But as others, who are much better people than I am, have said to not let it get to you. Do that and maintain your relationship with your D.I.L for the sake of the GC

Did Roxynounou say the hen party was abroad?
So many different opinions, but I could agree with Geordiegirl that maybe she saw it as being for ‘bride’s side’ only. It could be that her own mum was very keen to go, so Auntie was taken along to keep her company. Brother’s girlfriend could also be a logical invitation, who knows?
Anyway, a bit of me thinks it would be best to say you’ve seen the pictures, and would love to have gone, rather than making barbed remarks or being ‘unavailable’ for childcare. Letting these things fester and escalate can lead to estrangement, especially when you don’t know the full picture.
I remember hearing Cher saying that her mother used to tell her to ask herself if it will matter in five years’ time, and if not, let it go, it’s not worth it.

I got asked to my subsequently Ex DiL’s hen do the night before it happened, so I’m convinced it was a push from my DS that I got invited at all, I went so as not to make it awkward for my DS
To be honest from what you say it probably wouldn’t have been that much fun for you anyway, I’d say nothing, it would not achieve anything and might cause an argument between your DS & DDiL which you would not wish to instigate

Very thoughtless.

Rise above. However, I strongly recommend that you UNfollow her on social media. Thoughtless people can and do hurt people in their lives in this manner. Over & over. I let my kids know years ago that I do NOT look at their socials. If they want me to know something, call or text. It has saved me several heartaches.