Rude or not!

I think you could accommodate your mum's habits.
It's just for a short while. Ask her what she'd prefer, and go along with it.

I am 91and can't think of anything worse than regimented mealtimes!! Once my late husband had left the Fleet Air Arm and we bought our own home, we ate only when we were hungry - can remember spending a holiday with friends where the husband demanded his meals 'on the dot', regardless of what we were all doing!! Perfect hell!! But I guess that's life and 'live and let live'!!

TBH I’d just give her something simple/easy - M&S ready meals come to mind - when she wants to eat, and get ours ready at our usual time.

TanaMa, my FiL had to have his meals dead on time. His sister was the same - I swear their mother had told them that if you didn’t have absolutely regular meals, you’d sicken and die.

After he developed dementia, his lunch being three minutes later than 12.30 was enough to trigger an absolutely violent rage.

My mum's sister followed a strict timetable for meals.
All the grown up children came from their workplaces in time for a cooked lunch, at a specific time, and there were a lot of them.
Meanwhile, aunty Pam had her pinny on, slaving over a hot oven, it seemed.

She used to eat standing at the kitchen counter, because tjerewas nowhere for her to sit.

Well said!!

MissAdventure

My mum's sister followed a strict timetable for meals.
All the grown up children came from their workplaces in time for a cooked lunch, at a specific time, and there were a lot of them.
Meanwhile, aunty Pam had her pinny on, slaving over a hot oven, it seemed.

She used to eat standing at the kitchen counter, because tjerewas nowhere for her to sit.

This sounds very 19th century!
I think while most elderly -or indeed very old- people like a routine, it horrifies me when that rules their life to the extent some posts upthread describe.
As you do yourself ( we have never been 5pm people )- there is a well known disease of later life called hardening of the attitudes and I would hope to put my mothers comfort first and work round this.
It all sounds a bit regimented and as if this is something with which you feel you have (unwillingly) to put.
I hope I am never in that situation.

Oh me too!
Aunty Pam's husband dictated the house "rules", I think, and it was a shame, because Pam was a fun person, really.
All she asked for was one day a year at the seaside, but nope.
Not "allowed".

Women had a much harder time than I think any of us can imagine.

I'm one who would eat my dinner with her at the early time. We should be flexible to suit our guests and I wouldn't mind eating at a different time. As someone said, have brunch or an early snack so you are ready for something to eat. Sit at a table if you have one so you can converse at least a little, after all it's just an occasional event, make it a family friendly one.

I agree with Chestnut. Sitting at the table and eating together will make her feel valued and included. It shows real generosity of spirit that you are putting her needs before your own.

knspol

It's your mum and it's only on 2/3 occasions. Her normal routine is being disrupted anyway so surely you could put up with eating earlier on theses occasions? Why can't you have a late breakfast, no lunch and then eat with your mum at 4.30, it's not asking a lot.

What a lot of fuzz for 3 Sundays, I can't believe so many people eat by the clock, I eat when I am hungry or when am with people whenever it has been arranged. I think you should fit in with your mother and eat with her, particularly as your brother can manage this all the other weeks. Surely your mother comes first on these occasions. I am quite surprised at some of these replies.

She's your mum, I find it odd that you have to ask the internet this question. Don't you know if she thinks it will be rude?

My DH started eating earlier and earlier . I was used to not eating at work until at least 1:30 and not getting home until 7, so we mismatched. I have gradually got hm to eat at 5:30 by shifting a few minutes at a time, and making meals that will keep until I am hungry. I have moved from 7:30 to 6:30 now. It can be done even at her age, but I guess not by far.

Have you tried giving her a cuppa and cake around 3:30, so she is not urgently hungry at 4:30?

Is “rude” the word?
To not be willing to adapt to suit an elderly parent for just a few Sundays- selfish and inconsiderate.
To contemplate giving her a solitary ready meal or a sandwich to eat alone just because you prefer to eat later- yes, selfish and inconsiderate and not very loving.
OP makes it sound as if the whole business of having Mum on these Sundays is a massive inconvenience and nuisance.
You say she never offers you a drink - do you offer to make one for her? What a lonely life it sounds like,
All I can think is Poor Mum- she deserves better

Give her a nosebag. Cuts out all the faff.

It's only 3 Sundays just go with the flow and mix up your routine for a change

I fall in with whatever my children’s plans are - last Sunday one of them wanted to lunch at 12 , because kiddos had activities. I am a late riser, so 12 is far too early. I said nothing. Their home, their lunch, their time. I have never been, nor have I expected to be a priority, in any family plans.

I usually eat early around 5.30 but would never expect others to fall in with my timetable if I am visiting them. It seems very self centred to me. I am nearly eighty and would hate to become so inflexible.

Thanks all

MawsRosie

Is “rude” the word?
To not be willing to adapt to suit an elderly parent for just a few Sundays- selfish and inconsiderate.
To contemplate giving her a solitary ready meal or a sandwich to eat alone just because you prefer to eat later- yes, selfish and inconsiderate and not very loving.
OP makes it sound as if the whole business of having Mum on these Sundays is a massive inconvenience and nuisance.
You say she never offers you a drink - do you offer to make one for her? What a lonely life it sounds like,
All I can think is Poor Mum- she deserves better

You don’t get a by for being selfish because you’re old though, it cuts both ways. I don’t think I’ve met anybody who routinely eats a meal at 4 in the afternoon, it’s probably the oddest time to eat, halfway between usual mealtimes. I think most people, whatever their age, would understand that, and be willing to compromise, particularly when offered the choice of eating alone but at their usual time, surely?

I think our neighbours do, main meal around 4.30, the other meal is a brunch. The say it's better to eat earlier and two meals a day rather than three.
They're not elderly.

Agree with Maws 100%

Just wondering what you are thinking, Narnia with the weekend nearly upon us?

On the day you go to see her why don't you have a late breakfast and then a late lunch so you can eat with her?

She's 86, have a bit of compassion.