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Not invited to wedding

(111 Posts)
Doran Thu 08-Apr-21 18:16:04

I am feeling very hurt that I've been excluded from the wedding of my partners granddaughter. My partner and I have been together for 5 years and have attended family parties, Christmases together.My partner is invited to the wedding however I am not. I do understand that with covid guests are limited how ever all other grandparents have received their invites. My partner got his addressed just to him. Am I being unreasonable to feel very hurt by this

Doran Thu 08-Apr-21 18:17:05

Long post sorry

Doodle Thu 08-Apr-21 18:20:03

Could your partner perhaps ask his GD why you weren’t invited? Is his ex going, is there a problem between them?

Blossoming Thu 08-Apr-21 18:21:46

I can understand your hurt feelings but as you say numbers are limited so choices have to be made. Are the other grandfather and grandmother her biological grandparents? She will have known them a lot longer, it’s natural to feel more attached. I think you just have to accept it, and look forward to future family gatherings when life is easier again.

grannypiper Thu 08-Apr-21 18:22:02

That is awful. I wouldn't make a fuss but the GD would never be welcome in my home again.

Casdon Thu 08-Apr-21 18:29:56

With only 30 guests maximum I can completely see it from your husband’s grand daughter’s perspective. With the couple, two sets of parents, brothers and sisters and their partners, and bridesmaids, best man etc., as well as grandparents, places are very limited indeed. It doesn’t mean she doesn’t like you, just that she’s only known you for five years and she has to make hard choices. If the COVID restrictions are lifted before the wedding things may change.

silverlining48 Thu 08-Apr-21 18:33:55

The bride and groom are counted in the guest numbers so understandable they have to the 30 so obviously have to be missed out. Dont take offence, these are difficult times.

Kim19 Thu 08-Apr-21 18:35:11

Something similar happened to me a year ago. I was indeed disappointed by no one knew that. Covid certainly has a lot to answer for.

H1954 Thu 08-Apr-21 18:37:50

Isn't it restricted to 15 attendees for a wedding?

rosie1959 Thu 08-Apr-21 18:38:18


That is awful. I wouldn't make a fuss but the GD would never be welcome in my home again.

I wouldn't think that would be acceptable to the OPs partner

Doran Thu 08-Apr-21 18:38:18

Yes the ex is invited. There is no animosity between them, they get on very well as do we all. I would never make a fuss about it and have insisted he go to the wedding and the reception. He wanted to just attend the service he said he wanted to be able to share the day with me. I'm honestly just sad we won't spend this wonderful day together

Doodledog Thu 08-Apr-21 18:41:43


That is awful. I wouldn't make a fuss but the GD would never be welcome in my home again.

If that's you not making a fuss, I wouldn't like to see you with your hackles up grin.

That's the sort of attitude that splits families, and is likely to leave you hosting events with no guests, as if the granddaughter is banned, when her own children come along they won't be visiting either, and at family occasions it is probable that her parents will boycott too, out of solidarity.

OP, I can understand your feeling hurt, but if spaces are limited it could be that the couple are in an impossible position. Also, as others have said, would your partner's ex be there, and if so, would that be an awkward situation?

Can you make the most of having the house to yourself, or arrange to go somewhere nice with a friend for the day? You will be saving money on an outfit and hat, so you could smash out on a spa day or whatever is your idea of a good day out.

BrightandBreezy Thu 08-Apr-21 18:45:45

It is hurtful and disappointing Doran. However I wouldn't be making an issue at this time. Who knows how many others from your partner's granddaughter's life have not been invited because of Covid. Even if it doesn't turn out to be totally about Covid I would keep my own council and not say too much to the granddaughter or your dp. I am sure he is also disappointed but wouldn't have had a say and probably loves his dgd and would not want to fall out with her. These things either blow over or they escalate. If they escalate there can be disasterous consequences, which go on for years. flowers

Doran Thu 08-Apr-21 19:09:43

I won't be making an issue I will continue to just smile and get on with it. I'll just make sure I do something brilliant the day with family or friends. Thanks everyone

M0nica Thu 08-Apr-21 19:13:16

Couples are caught between a rock and a hard place at the moment. There is a clear cut off and trying to juggle those who should be there with who they want there, really must be an almost impossible choice.

I can imagine them sitting with their core list of 'must be present'. All 32 of them, and trying to decide which two to exclude. An impossible choice.

My only quibble, is that I do think they should have appended a little note apologising for not including you, but perhaps they felt that might to draw them into an argument about why you and not X.

I think your best course of action, is to be generous and kind about this and find something else nice to do on the day. Lunch out with a friend or something similar

grannypiper your reply shocks me. It shows a complete lack of understanding of the real problems facing couples getting married today.

Callistemon Thu 08-Apr-21 19:36:15


I won't be making an issue I will continue to just smile and get on with it. I'll just make sure I do something brilliant the day with family or friends. Thanks everyone

Well done - that's probably best for long-term harmony.

When is the wedding, Doran?

From next week, 12th April, 15 people are allowed to gather for a wedding and no earlier than 17th May 30 people will be allowed - if all continues as it is at the moment.
From 21st June restrictions may be lifted subject to the research being positive.

It is very difficult for young couples at the moment and it's inevitable that someone will feel left out and hurt.
It would have been nice if they could have said "we'd love to have invited you but we are restricted to ..." but perhaps they feel embarrassed at having to make this decision.

BlueBelle Thu 08-Apr-21 19:43:01

It ll be about numbers Doran I can understand you feeling left out but she’s probably had to be really restrictive as to who she can invite and you’re not a blood relative It would have been nicer to have a little note but maybe she just didn’t know how to say it
You are wise to not make a fuss it’s the right thing to do
It’s not the same at all but my eldest granddaughter has just got married in NZ and of course I couldn’t go and as it was in the middle of our nighttime there wasn’t even a zoom option
But it is what it is

Sheepandcattle Thu 08-Apr-21 19:49:37

I can understand why you feel hurt but I’m sure it is most likely only due to the numbers in these Covid times. How would you feel about being really kind to the bride and groom and sending them a note saying that, whilst you understand how difficult it is for them organising a small wedding, you’d love to take them out for a meal with your partner either before or after their wedding as a little celebration in its own right? Far better to turn things into a positive rather than a negative.

Hithere Thu 08-Apr-21 19:52:03

How is your relationship with the bride?
Close friends, acquaintances, hi/bye small talk, cross paths once or twice in 5 years?

Sorry you are in the situation. Unfortunately, we live in uncertain times with restrictions.

Harris27 Thu 08-Apr-21 19:52:30

Well this is tricky. Just take it on the chin and never speak to her again!

CanadianGran Thu 08-Apr-21 19:55:10

Doran, I would be hurt as well, as I'm sure your partner is. I'm sure he will get many "Where is Doran?" questions on the day, since it is unusual for a partner not to be invited. Best you can do is chin up and carry on, send a nice gift and card with your blessing.

These are difficult times in so many ways.

Jaxjacky Thu 08-Apr-21 19:56:26

Whilst I understand numbers are limited, I think a little note in with the invite to explain that would have been thoughtful.

Aldom Thu 08-Apr-21 20:01:00

Excellent advice from Sheepandcattle. Build bridges to take you into the future with your partner and his/your family. All the best. flowers

Eloethan Thu 08-Apr-21 20:02:19

I can understand you feeling hurt. I expect it might have been less hurtful if your step granddaughter had said she was sorry not to be able to invite you but numbers were limited.

I would try to put my hurt and disappointment behind me and carry on as normal.

I hope you have a nice day despite this.

geekesse Thu 08-Apr-21 20:10:05

OP - yes, YABU.

She’s his granddaughter, not daughter, and you’ve only known him for five years. They have a limit to the numbers of people they could invite. With the brides parents and the grooms parents, plus grandparents, that’s twelve people already. They had to make choices. Why should you displace people who have been in her life for years?