Not invited to wedding

I wouldn't make a fuss but the GD would never be welcome in my home again Not really sorting anything out then!

He wanted to just attend the service he said he wanted to be able to share the day with me. I'm honestly just sad we won't spend this wonderful day together

It is a pity that he/you weren't given an explanation for you not being invited. Could he not have a quiet chat with your granddaughter just to ask why you were not invited and was it because of numbers? At least then you and he would know the reason. (I think Covid numbers is a very likely and understandable explanation)

Maybe once the air is gently cleared you and your partner could suggest a special meal together post wedding, just the four of you, perhaps to enjoy the photos together and to give a special wedding gift?

If it’s 15, there probably isn’t room for you with the birth family, I would try if you can to be generous of spirit, send a present and good wishes, they won’t forget it. It’s difficult for young couples having their wedding plans thwarted, they don’t need any more grief, it’s their day.

It is sad, but really not worth getting too upset about. A certain amount of reasoning with yourself is needed here. Times are unusual. The happy couple will have to have made many very difficult and sad choices. There are probably many people who are very dear to them who they have been unable to invite. You say that all the other grandparents are invited, but, though it may sound harsh, you are NOT her grandmother. You aren't even a step granny. You are her grandad's partner. Hopefully , when this is all over there will be an opportunity to have a full family celebration, or you and your OH can take the couple out for a slap up meal. The impact of your not being invited is entirely in your hands. You, and you alone, have the power to make this wedding a joyous occasion for your OH and his granddaughter or make it full of guilt, misery and blame. Iron his shirt, straighten his tie and send your OH off with instructions to have a wonderful time and take lots of photos. Then get yourself a lovely ready meal, a box of chocolates and a bottle of wine and enjoy the peace. It is up to you!!

I'm sure it's because of the limited numbers. However like someone said it would have been nice to have that mentioned and not completely ignored. I love the suggestion that we take the happy couple out for dinner after all this covid malarkey is over.

I agree with Jaxjacky.
And to be honest,i would be glad,at least you know where you stand with them.
with their opinion of you.

I am sure it is to do with covid; my son is marrying next month and the guests are limited to 30, so they had to do a great deal of shuffling, and not asking some partners, which people accepted.

If Covid didn't exist, I'd understand your feelings, Doran.

In current circumstances, I understand your partner's granddaughter but I think she ought to have explained the reason.

I think you're wise not to make too much fuss and I hope the granddaughter will be welcome in your home as, otherwise, our partner could become very unhappy and that may impact on you.

*your.

I agree with Jaxjacky. A note of explanation would have been a good idea.

A note would have been nice. With such restricted numbers, maybe she made the assumption you would understand why you weren't invited. Do you think you'd have been invited in more regular times? This is one I'd either let go, under the circumstances, or maybe your husband can gently ask for clarification. This might make you feel better.

Who to invite is always problematic. Numbers in our family were severely restricted by space in the tiny but beautiful church. The happy couple would rather have had close friends with them in the church than family they didn’t see much. . So good for you for being the bigger person. Enjoy the day - hopefully they will have a link to the service.

I’m sure they didn’t mean to cause offence though I can see why you felt hurt. Covid has not improved anyone’s social graces.

I can understand your hurt.

I'd be hurt too.

The worst fights come at weddings and funerals.

This is a celebration for the couple getting married.
Please do not cloud their day

I bet that if they had included a note why a partner was not invited, there would be still complaints about it

If it's not the invite list, it is how the tables were organized, the food was not up to somebody's standard....
It is impossible to make everybody happy

I would think it was Covid and I wouldn’t worry about it. Just think, it is saving you the cost of a fancy outfit,i to be positive !

I'm sure there have been many people in the same situation, and of course it is very upsetting to feel left out, but I'm sure it's equally as upsetting for the the bride and groom to have to make the decisions about who they can/can't invite to their special day. If I were you, I'd still buy a nice dress, book a special lunch, or afternoon tea, with a couple of good friends, and have a bottle of bubbly (or two!) to celebrate.

if you've only known him for five years anyway then you are not part of the close family. You know but for covid you would have been going I'm sure.

This is probably more to do with covid restrictions on numbers and nothing else. With wonderful technology these days sure you will see and excellent video of the wedding and, hopefully, in the future will be able to share photos with them.

My brother and his wife broke up, back in the early 1970's. Totally my brother fault and he behaved dreadfully. His wife and their three children then had to go to live with her parents as they would, otherwise, have been homeless. Those g.parents forbade any contact with any member of my brothers family.

This was really horrible for my parents, who were totally blameless. A few years later, we saw a notice of the eldest girls wedding and I drove my parents to sit in the public gallery to see the marriage of their eldest g.child. She was in her teens when the split had occured and, prior to that, had a close relationship with my parents.

As soon as she returned from her honeymoon, she contacted my parents and the young couple came to visit. She said that whilst she lived in her (other) g.parents home, she had obeyed their wishes - but now she was setting up her own home she wished to re-start a proper relationship.

So great - and as time went on, my parents were able to be there and cuddle their first two great grandchildren.

One occasion is never more important than an on-going relationship

As others have posted, a hand written note explaining why you haven't been invited would have been a good idea Doran and IMO your partner's GD is remiss for not sending one. Not just because it would have avoided your upset, but her GF's too.

Also, the groom might have several siblings and aunts who have sent him Christmas and birthday presents since he was a baby. And maybe great aunts as well and so on.

I was once asked to be an usher at a female cousin's wedding and the groom's family at the church were about four times as many as the bride's family. So much so that my opposite number usher from the groom's family was asking many of his family to sit "bride's side".

And bride and groom might have friends that they want to be there, including the best man, and maybe the best man has a wife who is being invited too. Maybe bridesmaids too, not necessarily all blood relatives and maybe some from the groom's family too, it has been known for a groom's young niece to be a bridesmaid to his future wife if that is about the only chance she is likely to get to be a bridesmaid.

Harris- you would not talk to her again! I cannot understand these extreme reactions at all!

I cannot understand these extreme reactions at all!

Neither can I!

I love the suggestion that we take the happy couple out for dinner after all this covid malarkey is over.

Oh good, I hope that you have a lovely time!

If your partner is not your husband I can understand why, with restricted numbers, you have not been included. If, however, you are married then for me it would be wrong not to include you.

Five years is quite a long time to be together, even if the people in question aren't married. Some marriages don't last that long - I know of a few!