Mothering Sunday and a lost child ...

My son died in Dec 1984 five weeks before his 5th birthday. Although I will enjoy a happy Mothers Day on Sunday with my two daughters and grandchildren you always wonder what it would have been like to have 3 adult children.

It's not just adults who grieve. My job is counselling adolescents and I have met many many teenagers who find Mothers Day incredibly hard because their own mother has died just at the time in their lives when they need her the most. Some have nursed their mother or watched them die accidentally which just compounds the grief.

For all ages who grieve this Sunday my heart goes out to you.

Imperfect thank you for reminding us how difficult this Sunday will be for those who have lost children - whether it's recently or in years gone by. I have two friends who have lost a daughter and a son and know the day will be very hard for them and their families. I have no idea how they and the rest of you cope with such a heartbreaking time. Mothers Day is just another in what must be a year of painful memories. It's sad for those of us who have lost their own mothers but nothing can ever prepare you for the unfairness of losing a child no matter how old they are

GN at it's supportive, understanding and kind best.

I never had children and often get by upset and sometimes angry around Mother's Day. However I found this post both kind and sensitive.

Nelly I feel your pain (((hugs)))

My first daughter lived just 4 days ,she would be 40 in May ,there isn't a day that I dont think of her .In our day we were told put it behind you and try again....I'm so glad that families who lose babies nowadays get support and help from groups such as SANDS .We'll have a balloon release for our girl on her birthday and likely shed a teat about what might have been .My heart goes out to you who are just starting dealing with this loss ,you will learn to live with it .

Amidst all the hype around Mothering Sunday we can lose sight of those people for whom it will bring only sadness. So many on GN are in this situation my heart goes out to all of you, may time bring you peace of mind

Welcome to Gransnet, Nelly, how dreadful to lose a grandson! . A year on these same members will still be grieving. My heart goes out to you all, especially on Mothering Sunday.(((hugs)))

Hello I'm a new member .My heart goes out to all those who have lost a child .We lost our youngest Grandson in October 2015 aged just one year and one week old .The pain was and still is immeasurable.Mother's Day must be so very hard for so many .

I think you are all wonderful couping with losing a child. The nearest to me was my grandmother, who lost her first child through illness.
I am buying a house off someone who said she lost her daughter last year. She seems to be getting through the loss for the sake of her other daughter, who she is going to live near.
So keep strong, as I am sure your children would like you to feel.

I haven't had the huge losses that many have experienced but am so glad the bereavement forum is here for anyone who wants to use it. Our society doesn't deal well with death and its aftermath, there are such expectations on people to just get better and stay better. I can't presume to know how anyone else feels but as I do in real life, I try to understand, be sensitive to others and be supportive when I can. I hope it's ok for me to pop in now and then x
[flowers

'Or' not of!

That's beautiful Granny, my heart goes out to you all. I can't begin to imagine the horror of losing a child of grandchild.

A sculpture someone put on Facebook for all those who have lost a child. My thoughts go out to all of you.

I have held back from posting on this thread ,as I have been put off by the "dont rain on my parade" attitude,I find it hurtful on top of an already difficult time this time of year,I hold back and smile genuinely for all in real life,I can understand their joy at being a mum can bring,fortunately for them they cannot know the feeling of loss.On this thread I know that each and every one of you know the depth of pain and longing,that the loss of a child/ren bring.

Anya, it's not healthy for anyone to bottle up these feelings, they'll always come back and catch us out when we are least expecting it so we really do need somewhere to say 'it really hurts today'. We aren't talking wallowing day after day for months, or years, on end (that's inappropriate and needs professional help) but those unexpected moments when we thought we'd dealt with the worst of it. So please don't let those who have no understanding or compassion dictate how you should feel - let them walk in our shoes and then tell us how to grieve.

Just ignore them for you all.
It will stay with you in some form for a lifetime.

That 'it's come back and hit me again, out of the blue' feeling is why a thread like this is absolutely essential for those who can use it.

Sadly I can't allow myself to express just how much it hurts, any more, because of people who, in the past, have had that 'you should br over it by now' or 'don't rain on my parade' attitude.

I was shocked to see that sentiment expressed on GN recently.

mollie
I find the build up to things is often the worse part. Someone else posted here to say they understand why we say we are 'broken-hearted', because the pain is very physical at times. A couple of days before Mothering Sunday, I had the return of the old sensation that someone had stomped on my chest. It happens for me around anniversaries and special days - as you say, 'out of the blue' - and then I think to myself, I am grieving again. Quite often, when the day itself arrives, or very soon after, the pain disappears again.

I am very glad that there is a Bereavement forum for so many of us to say what's on our mind in a supporting, understanding space. GN is a good place generally but having our own little corner makes it easier to say 'it's hit me out of the blue' and know that others will understand. Some have questioned the need in the last day or two but I am thankful for it's existence. I never understand why people attack - rather than ignore - something they don't like!

As for yesterday, it wasn't as bad as I feared. I'm glad to say that's often the case but every year I approach the day with dread...

THANK YOU for all the brave, beautiful and supportive posts here - Gransnet at its best!

My heartfelt sympathy for all who have shared your losses here.

xxx

I cannot think of any thing worse than losing a child .my thoughts are with you .I hope the happy memories eventually overtake the sadness.xxx❤️❤️❤️

Special hugs to everyone who has lost a child of any age I spent a lovely day with my dd sil and GC, but the pain of losing my son is always in the background and looking at one card today where there should be two is so sad.

Taking of their own life seems to me the cruellest way of losing a child no matter how old.
It smacks of us not doing enough to make things right for them and when they leave children one wonders just how desperate they must have been.
I speak as someone whose child has tried on several occasions to do this. Things are much better now for us for some it is too late.

Special hugs to you Janbattlle. My daughter took her own life 6 years ago ,aged 33,leaving 2 daughters then aged 4 and 2. She would have been 40 next month. A day I am dreading but hope to share with her sister here. My DH died suddenly in 2008- 16 months before I lost my DD.Life can be very cruel at times!