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Bereavement

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Bereavement

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Vivab Wed 27-Jul-16 13:01:35

My Dear husband of 44 yrs took his own life 20 months ago.
It came totally out of the blue, and even now I am still in shock, as he left a note saying his disability was getting worse and he did not want to be a burden.
He was my sole mate, and even tho I have a great family and friends each day is a struggle.
My dear brother dropped dead age 28 of a rare heart defect 34 years ago, I had just completed a bereavement course ( i was a carer )
I recognise all the feelings from the posts I have read.
Yes people mean well but unless they too have experienced the same they do not understand.
My advice is take ALL and ANY help that comes your way ( in my case I contacted SOBS-survivors of suicide ) as well as cruse etc.
I keep busy, and have taken on volunteer work.( you can draw strength from people in the same boat or even worse than you. ( we all need a reason to get out of bed in the morning )
Nothing will ever be the same, but life goes on.
I even felt guilty the first time I laughed.
You just have to think how lucky you are to have had them in your life and try to remember the good times.
I met people all the time that have nothing and no one.
It makes me think...is it better to have loved and lost or not loved at all.
Good luck to us all.
remember you are not alone, and life was never fair.

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PamSJ1 Mon 24-Oct-16 07:52:58

My wonderful husband died suddenly on 28 September at 51. We were married for almost 30 years. It has been such a shock as although he had heart failure he had been stable with his meds. The funeral was only last Thursday because it went to a post mortem. I just feel lost without him. I am so used to having to look after him, sorting out meds etc and juggling everything with work. I've been working as a temp at the same company since May last year and been fortunate that they have kept my contract open but I am dreading going back.
My daughter also found out the week before her Dad's funeral that she is having a baby. That is happy news but sad that he won't be here.

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annsixty Mon 24-Oct-16 08:42:25

So sad for you Pam and how distressing to have to wait so long to hold his funeral. it is happy news about your grandchild but bittersweet as he/she will not know his/her GF but you will get such pleasure so hold on to that thought.

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PamSJ1 Mon 24-Oct-16 08:51:26

Thank you Annsixty. My husband was so happy that he got to meet his first grandchild, our son's daughter. He fulfilled his dream of a family holiday with her in Wales 2 weeks before he died. My daughter and her partner live with me so I will be very involved. My son and his family live on the same Avenue so I see them every day. They are all so important in trying to keep going.

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annsixty Mon 24-Oct-16 08:57:30

Those children will be so good for you Pam, we all need reasons to keep going and GC are the best, they bring such joy into our lives.

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PamSJ1 Mon 24-Oct-16 09:24:38
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Such happy memories. DH was so proud of her

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bikergran Mon 24-Oct-16 09:31:00

Welcome to any new Gnetters.........Such painful times for so many....hope that Gransnet will give you all a place to talk, express your feelings without holding back.

The saying "Oh the first 12 months is the worst" wrong! it doesn't suddenly dissapear after 12 months.' I once read
"Grief has no sell by date"

keep posting, keep talking and take care all.

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bikergran Mon 24-Oct-16 09:31:49

Lovely photo Pam

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PamSJ1 Mon 24-Oct-16 09:39:34

Thank you bikergran. It's good to be able to talk. My family have enough to deal with without having to cope with my grief.

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Mary59nana Mon 24-Oct-16 11:48:38

Pam my heart goes out to you .
You are with friends on here and it gives comfort in just knowing you can say what you feel and someone is always ready to give that warm response
GC are a blessing in so many ways they bring so much love and happiness that you do want to make the effort to get out of bed and face the day ahead.

Sending you warmest hugs Pam

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