Gransnet forums

Bereavement

Books for child whose father is dying

(40 Posts)
Granash Sat 14-Jan-17 08:27:22

I would like to hear your recommendations for books. My 50 year old nephew has pancreatic cancer and has been given three months to live. He has a 4 year old daughter. I don't live near enough to visit regularly so I would like to send her a book that will help to get through what she is/will be experiencing. Thanks for your help.

Anya Sun 15-Jan-17 12:42:54

Not a book Granash though it's a kind thought.

craftynan Sun 15-Jan-17 12:50:05

It is a lovely thought, but do you know for certain that the little one knows what is gong on? Some people prefer not to tell a child until later in the illness. I really feel for you all but, as others have said, I think you need to discuss it with your nephews wife before sending anything.

Jalima Sun 15-Jan-17 12:54:16

I really feel for you all but, as others have said, I think you need to discuss it with your nephews wife before sending anything.
I agree

It is up to her mummy how she explains things to the little girl.

I am so sorry for all of you.

Lewlew Sun 15-Jan-17 13:01:42

I would collect things, such as photos or mementos you have and assemble them for the future when she's older and asks about what he was like when younger. She may truly appreciate those some day. She is so young right now, her memories will only likely be of the immediate situation.

A real photo album/scrapbook is well worth collecting/assembling. I actually like to 'scrapbook digitally' and did one and printed it A3 size for my dad's 90th BD. We also displayed it at his funeral where so many got to see his life's story.

My heart does go out to you and your family at this sad time. flowers

Sheilasue Sun 15-Jan-17 13:28:36

So sad to hear your story I noticed that someone has already mentioned cruse. When my son died they were amazing and helped not just us but our gd. Go on line and look at the information.
Please accept my condolences.

grandMattie Sun 15-Jan-17 13:47:46

Any mention of Michael Rosen's "book of Sad"? He wrote it for small/young children after his own 17 year-old son died suddenly overnight of ASDS. It is beautifully illustrated, and in inimitable Rosen style, very apt.
But I do agree with other posters that you shouldn't just send the book - either send it to the parent/s or ask first.

Kim19 Sun 15-Jan-17 14:19:11

I'm totally with janetmaile. Offer them any support they might choose from you then butt out graciously if nothing particular is requested.

Pamish Sun 15-Jan-17 14:57:31

For all kinds of difficult 'issues', including bereavement, Letterbox Library has a very good list. They are a mail order company that's being going for 30 + years. Set up as a kitchen table venture by two mums who could not find the books they wanted. All books are tested on a range of readers including children.

Please don't use their list for research and then order from Ama*on, that's what is bankrupting so many small booksellers and so minimising choice.

MargaretX Sun 15-Jan-17 15:07:42

I feel you just have to remain patient until you see how the situation develops. Children accept death sometimes better than adults.

In days gone by there was often someone in the family dying and
although she will be upset she will get over it and forget him.
Its her mother who will need help. I think her little daughter needs space and no expectations on how she should show her grief.She might forget and play and sing and its hard for the others grieving but is natural reaction from someone so young

Morgana Sun 15-Jan-17 17:06:55

As someone up thread said a collection of memories is always recommended. Usually called a memory box
Good idea for anyone really.

leemw711 Sun 15-Jan-17 17:56:57

It is really painful helping a small child deal with the loss of a loved one. Following my husband's sudden death, my son told his little daughter, then not quite 3, that Grandad was not here any more but was now a star twinkling in the sky. She is now nearly 4 and each evening she spots the brightest star in the night sky and sings "twinkle, twinkle little star" for him. I sometimes hear her talking to him and I find it really comforting that she still remembers him so well and loves looking at photos of him.

shirleyhick Sun 15-Jan-17 19:00:38

My thoughts and prayer are with you at this very sad time.

Granash Mon 16-Jan-17 08:11:11

Many thanks to all of you for taking the time to reply, and for your kind thoughts. I will take it all on board. You have been very helpful.

hulahoop Mon 16-Jan-17 09:09:22

I was her age when I lost my dad I know children are more aware of things now my memory is I just accepted it I think I missed him more in later life eg when I married . 💐 To you all