Not sure how I feel yet.

How sad, I cannot imagine anything so sad as a mother cutting off relationship with her child. Does you own son not know the reason, he seems to have complied with her wishes to keep you estranged by not letting you know she was in and out of hospital. Surely he would have questioned her.

Phoenix, I am so sorry for the pain you are going through. I can't offer anything that hasn't already been said above other than that I feel very sorry for your mother - she missed out on a relationship with a very special person - you. Be kind to yourself. Big hugs

sorry to hear your news phoenix - i haven't got anything else to add that others haven't said but just remember the good times you and your mother had.
don't, please, be angry with your mum although it's part of grieving - just remember that now she's out of pain and is at rest.

So sorry to hear your sad news Phoenix my thoughts are with you, don't blame your self you did all you could.

That is so sad - both your loss and the prior estrangement. I had this with a close friend but never with a family member. Go easy on yourself. It doesn't sound as if you any anything to reproach yourself with.

So sorry for your loss .

I am truly sorry that you have lost your mother without reconciliation or answers to questions. You must feel confused and frustrated as well as grieving.
As other posters have said, remember the good relationship you once had and how courageous she was to keep you. I remember that time. When you are ready, concentrate on hopes for the future, try to shed regrets for the past.
I hope your son and daughter in law are able to comfort you and you them.
All good wishes ?

My husband has just died. I do not have the complex grieving issues that you have Phoenix. But during his last illness there was a big falling out with his daughters and one of them still will not speak to me. I really don't know why though I have my theories. In the past we got on really well. One thing I have learned is that you can't account for the behaviour of others and that to try to understand them can be a real waste of emotional energy. But it doesn't stop us trying to work it out. I have two friends who were pary or wholly estranged when their mothers died. They have worked through their issues and now accept that they did what they could but were not responsible for their mothers' behaviour.

Phoenix

So sorry Pheonix You say you will write it down one day. That will be a very helpful way of coming to terms with the situation, as studies have shown. I have found it very useful myself, even just 3 sentences a day written in a diary. Wishing you peace.

Phoenix, please don't torture yourself and try to remember the better times rather than mourn what might've been. My family is fractured and I can relate to the mixed emotions - my mum and [maternal] grandmother didn't speak for years then nanny got dementia - hours before nanny died she squeezed my hand tightly for the first time to the (previously unacknowledged) question of whether she wished to see my mum - mum visited and I think they made their peace and it's a shame you weren't given a similar opportunity. Your mum may have known you were proud of her and may have been just as proud of you even if she didn't have direct contact with you. Families aren't always great at communicating (I discovered I was a gran again last night by a Facebook post from June 2016 - picture of baby - upsetting but nothing I can do and for all I know there may be more grandkids). Be kind to yourself and recognise guilt is something we might naturally feel but that doesn't mean it belongs.

I am very sorry to hear about your sad situation and send sincere sympathy. I hope that in time things will feel better though that is a bit much to hope for now.

Do not waste time wondering 'what if...' You tried, it didn't work, so do not blame yourself for something you could not fix.

Your Mother may have had problems you could not do anything about so stop agonising and just remember the good days. She must have loved you to have refused to give you up. People do not completely die if you talk about them often.

so sorry for your loss

? ? ?. It sounds as if your mother had problems that were not your fault. You have nothing to blame yourself for. Of course you will have these mixed feelings. She brought you into this world and was very brave to keep you. Her problems were hers alone, not yours. In time, try to focus on any good memories. I've had to with my mother.

I'm sorry for your loss, phoenix

Heartfelt condolences from me too.

Sending sincere condolences

Oh phoenix - have only just read this and want to add my good wishes/condolences.

You may find this article helpful:
www.econdolence.com/learn/articles/loss-estranged-parent/

Sorry for your loss.

I haven't had the chance to read through all the posts so don't want to duplicate what others have said. I'm a relative newbie so don't know you as well as many others will. It's hard to have unanswered questions and unresolved issues when someone dies, especially a mum. It makes a hard thing even harder. I hope you've got kind and patient folk around you as you try to unpick the tangled emotions, be kind to yourself x

Just to say I am thinking about you Phoenix. You must be feeling all sorts of mixed emotions. The early days of bereavement is such a strange time when the relationship has been straightforward. How much more difficult when you have had a situation like yours to contend with. No advice from me as you have to find your own way forward. Perhaps your DS will in time be able to help you unravel what was going on with your mother. But here is a gentle ((hug)). We'll all be here to listen.

Sending love and phoenix.