A widow keeps threatening suicide

Hmm - I do not think this lady is your responsibility and it sounds as though the right services have been alerted to help her..

Run. She's a user. She'll make you miserable. She has very poor boundaries-thumping on your door when you asked her not to come round?!!! Next time she does it call the police and have her arrested for stalking. Not really, but you could legally.
You've been a good neighbour when you needed to be, let her go and thump on someone else's door.

That sounds most unpleasant. When you say your neighbour was a refugee, I wonder if her constant criticism is a cultural thing? I know someone from a N African country who, after decades here, still thinks her younger friends should visit her every day, because that is what happens 'at home'. She gets very offended and dramatic when they say they don't have time to come every day due to work/family commitments.

I'd certainly back off as much as possible, she isn't your responsibility.

If she does not stop door thumping, the next time she does it put your coat on and go out, telling her you have to be somewhere and just go.

She is nothing to do with you and it is so rude to be criticising your house etc. She is making you feel miserable and that is not right.

I agree with others, this person is not your responsibility but she does sound ill. If you ever believe she is about to end her life then you could phone your local mental health crisis team, her GP if you know who that is or dial 999. The responsibility lies with the mental health services, not with you. She sounds very difficult to be with, minimising exposure to her can only be helpful for you.

Thank you.I don't feel so bad as I did about her.I have never
asked someone to stay away before

Thanks.I shall do though my instinct is she is a drama queen.

I know!I've seen her every week since he died and she is better than she was but obviously wants to spend her day here and it would make me ill.That is what I must remember.I can't allow it

That is a good way to describe her.I once had a friend on the Internet until I realised he was a taker and never gave back.
I am too soft hearted

Good job you came on here and that has strengthened your resolve! You knew you were right just needed a bit of back up. Thank goodness for Gransnet!

I can only agree with others, this woman is not your responsibility. You have tried to help her and she now appears to be getting help from professionals. Avoid her - you don't need someone like that in your life.

I agree with everyone. Run for the hills.

Thanks ,everybody

Why would you invite negativity into your life?

If she feels suicidal she has the right contacts to help her with that, you are not her support worker.

Don't open the door to her, let her sort herself out. The crisis intervention team will be aware, if she has spoken to her psychiatrist so no point ringing them, I suspect she has been assessed and they have decided she is not an urgent case. There are so few places in mental hospitals now.

If you get involved you will be bringing future problems to yourself.

There are Happy people in this world who we love to swim alongside, they make us feel good and we make them feel good. Sometimes people are out of their depth and we help to keep their head above water until they can swim for themselves or help arrives. However their are those that cry out for our help but when we try to keep them afloat they kick and pull and rail against us eventually taking us down with them. Sometimes we have to let go for our own survival.

I agree with other posters....she is ill and needs proper professional help. She is not your responsibility but you need to alert social services to take this situation over for her good and yours. Easier said than done, but you need to do it, otherwise she will make your life a misery. You are already feeling guilty about her threats to commit suicide. I feel for you, having been a similar situation myself with my aunt, who behaved in a similar way and was eventually diagnosed with a form of dementia due to the loss of her husband.

Phew! Keep your resolve! I wouldn't even answer the door after the last few episodes. But I get where you're coming from as it can be so difficult to keep some people at arms length.
Good Luck

Irrational and illogical behaviour, don’t let your kind heart be swayed into thinking that you can help this woman, you can’t. We should only help others who also help themselves.
You need to break free before it drags you down and it sounds like Mental Health Services are obviously in place already, so you have done all that you can.

This is far too much for you to take on - it is a matter for the professionals. I think you must do your best to avoid speaking to this lady (which I know will be difficult). I think you have to contact social services and ask for their advice. It isn't doing you or the lady any good for you to get involved any further.

Stay away. Some people are just too heavy and you have to be very strong yourself to be able to carry them (which is what it is).
I made the mistake of trying to help my neighbour and she started banging on my door at 3.30am. She is finally getting the help she needs now and will soon be going from hospital to a supported living facility for a while and she is then hoping to be rehoused - but I really don't know how I would have coped if that hadn't happened as we were literally getting no sleep and night and were all (the other neighbours in the block) sleeping when we could during the day.
These things can escalate. Your neighbour is difficult now but if you become her only port of call it will reach a point where it is too much and then it will be harder to end.
I think both parties have to benefit from a relationship even if unequally and I cannot see what you gain.

In my experience the ones who threaten suicide just say it for effect to get their own way or get sympathy, it's the ones you think never have any problems who actually carry it out. This woman is not your responsibility or doing you any good to have her in your life.

An ex boyfriend of my daughter's used to say it all the time to manipulate her whenever she threatened to finish with him because of trust issues. I told him to get on with it then as he wouldn't be missed by our family. He went off and got someone's daughter pregnant instead!!!

If you can support this needy person and firmly impose boundaries that she is not permitted to overstep, then you are doing an admirable thing - but it must never be at the expense of your health and your other relationships.

Telling you that she wants to put her head in an oven is of course a "cry for help" and there's no harm in asking her to tell you what help she wants from you. Incidentally, you can't actually do yourself any harm (in the UK) if you put your head in an oven. The gas is no longer poisonous.

You could try to involve The Samaritans. Ring them, explain the situation, give them this lady's phone number and ask them to call her. They will almost certainly agree, and they'll call her at intervals and try to support her, provided she doesn't just hang up every time or tell them to stop calling.

Send her a nice notecard, say you are unwell and not able for her visits. Give her Samaritans number. Find out the address or number for local mental health team and tell them she isn’t well. Then stay clear, u have to have time out to recover urself from ur own loss.

You sound like a very caring, kind person. But it sounds like your neighbour has some fairly deep-seated problems, and needs professional help because she's continually threatening suicide.

You can't be responsible because you happen to live next door to her. I know the bible says 'Love your neighbour' but the most loving thing you could do for her is try and get her the help she needs.

You also need to look after yourself. Grief is a very long journey.