A widow keeps threatening suicide

I agree with what everybody has said. You cannot make yourself ill and anxious over somebody else who clearly needs more than a neighbour's ear and friendship.
Who needs constant criticism? Stop answering the door or go out and help her to break the habit of leaning on you constantly. If you are not available, she will be more likely to follow through on specialist appointments.

I know how hard it is to feel that you cannot be your usual neighbourly self but there comes a point when you have to put your own well-being first, especially when you are still grieving yourself.
You have done your best but negative people grind us down.
With all good wishes.?

What everyone else said about the need to take care of yourself. Your neighbour needs professional help, it's up to her to take this up.
Quizqueen, I sympathise with your anger towards your daughter's ex but it simply isn't true that people who threaten suicide never actually do it. There are GN posters with direct experience to contradict that view point. The research evidence also confirms that having made threats but not yet attempted suicide, doesn't mean the individual won't eventually take action to kill themselves.

Katewrites
I would imagine Social Services /Adult Social Care must be involved with this person as she has had psychiatric treatment. Contact your local Social Services as the police would not get involved unless any crime had been committed. DON'T delay. She is not your responsibility.

I agree that this lady is not your responsibility. It's a shame that she's so unhappy and unable to cope with life but it is up to her how she decides to cope with things.
The authorities know about her. We could of course ask why her daughter is estranged? Maybe she also got an earful whenever she visited and has decided to back off for her own good. You've done more than enough so please don't feel guilty. You are not to blame for her actions.

Some people drain your energy, the doctor obviously is aware of her state so let the professionals give her the care she needs. You have been a very caring person and done your best however she is going to make you feel miserable if you continue to have contact with her. Be gentle with yourself.

As she only threatens and makes no attempt to do so, I don't think she will. This is only to keep you tied to her.

I think lock your door do not speak to her if she continues to harass you go to the police . You need to concentrate on you look after you not her please do that maybe do some volunteer work or something to get you out of the house and meeting people good luck and bolt that door X

She obviously has mental health problems. She is not your responsibility. IMO you should not open the door to her.

I too had a neighbour who was a nuisance to us all in our cul de sac. In the end we had to keep our doors locked as she would just come in unannounced. She eventually moved into warden accommodation. Phew !

So sorry you're going through this while you feel vulnerable. Be armed for her next session with Samaritans free phone number 116 123 in UK, or their email, [email protected]. people don't have to be suicidal to contact them. They won't preach, but will listen and help people to think things though for themselves. Good luck.

How awful for you ! When I worked in Mental Health services before I retired, people would phone up in terrible distress saying their son, daughter, husband, friend, etc etc was threatening suicide and could we help ? Very very sadly, MH units do not have an A & E and the only access is via the Police ....the person has to present as 'being a danger to themselves or others' in which case the Police, along with the Duty psychiatrist and a Social worker, must attend ....this is the only direct access route to emergency mental health care, and can result in the person being Sectioned under the Mental Health Act ....may seem like a drastic step, and to be honest many people were reluctant to have their family member going down this route BUT it is the only way .....if they attend A & E if they have attempted suicide, they will then be admitted (there being a bed available !) and assessed once out of danger, by the duty psychiatrist who then decided if in patient treatment in the MH Unit is needed or supervision by a Community Psychiatric Nurse at home .....if she starts to threaten you (and hammering on your door is not something you want ....this may put you under mental strain as well, especially if she does this after dark ....you do not have to put up with this ! If (and \i don't know ! MIND still exists, you could call them for advice or perhaps the CAB if MIND has long gone (been retired now for 10 years so things may have changed in that time !) ...it does sound as if she is ill and needs a proper assessment by professionals and medication may help calm her down ...so hard on you,If you feel telling her directly to stop bothering you may cause her to carry out her threats to commit suicide then please call someone for advice ...you do not want this on your conscience and should not have to tolerate this behaviour. Do you know where her family are ...and could you have a word with anyone > You say she is a refugee ....does her ethnic community have a representative in the area (i,e, mosque, immam, or whatever > If so, you could express your concerns to them .....please do not make yourself ill ...very difficult I know since you feel involved already ....take care and look after yourself !

I usually give most people the benefit of the doubt... but I would run a mile from this one. She needs serious professional help, you really don't need to shoulder her problems. Don't feel guilty, feel relieved. Good luck.

Sometimes I think we are often too polite. If someone comes into one's house and criticises it, or our appearance, why don't we simply say, 'That is extremely rude'. and let the person know straightaway, that comments like that are unacceptable? I wish I had done this myself on occasions...

Thank you, everyone, for the different options you have explained.For the last week, she has not called round and I have given her some phone numbers like Cruse and the Samaritans.I have blocked her on my phone
She came here after WW2 from Yugoslavia as a maid to a rich family.
I have fragile health so my own life has to come first.
It's great to be able to get your views.Thanks again

Give the neighbour a wide berth. You won't be able to sort out her problems but she's creating misery for you.

Look after yourself Katewrites, that is your priority. Your neighbour sounds like she is very ill and needs help and although you feel sorry for her it isn't helping you. You've been kind and helpful, take a big step back now. Hope it goes well x

Some people are unwilling or unable to be helped OP.

I got myself into a similar situation with someone who was an alcoholic. I thought that all I had to do was to be there for her and be kind. She kept on with her downward spiral and almost took me with her.

Take care of yourself and let her be.

Sound advice DJClench. Some may see it as harsh but your "almost took me with her" will resonate for many of us.

Iam64 - you've had some very good advice from other gransnetters. Don't be dragged down by this lady. You can worry yourself and work yourself into a state of exhaustion, but you probably won't be able to help her. I think you should say to her that she should return to her GP and other professionals and that it is beyond your capability to help her other than a kindly word.