Sibling loss

Sorry to hear that, hulahoop. Thinking of you.

My sincere condolences Hulahoop.

Heartfelt sympathy Hulahoop it is so hard to lose a person with whom you have shared the earliest experiences of your life and all the memories.

Sincere sympathies to you

Condolences from me too. X

Sincere condolences hulahoop, I understand your loss.

So sorry hoolahoop. My DB is still in this world but with final stage Alzheimer's he has not known me for a long time

Thank you for all your kind words I have felt like you have all been giving me a hug today and it's helped ?To you all

So sorry I can't imagine losing one of my lovely sisters.

First time posting on here - just need to get these constant thoughts out of my head. Do you think it will get better once the funeral is over? My younger brother died abroad, where he lived and worked, on 10th January, first I knew was when police came to my door to give me the news on 19th January. Complicated family issues that would take too long to go into, but briefly his 2 teenage children had gone to live with him just over a year ago so the life they were to have will never materialise. He was repatriated more than 3 weeks ago, cause of death is still ongoing with a Coroner in the UK so we have still not had a funeral. Not had much of a relationship with sister-in-law for years and am only communicating by email - she is still abroad with the children finalising everything. She had been living in the UK for years with the children while my brother worked abroad so it was not much of a family life for all concerned. I just feel so sad that they went out to be with their dad but it was so brief.
Strange thing is, I was never really part of his life, he was always very independent - he was abroad for probably the last 25 years - with all the family at one point - but then he stayed on while his wife and children settled in the UK but I never saw them and only saw my brother intermittently when he came back to visit them. So why is it now that I keep thinking about him when I never really had to give him a second thought - tried to keep in contact by text and email but he didn't always respond, didn't think anything of it - he wasn't one to chat or gossip - I just thought he was busy with work so didn't pester him. Just wish things could have been different, but have to keep telling myself that they wouldn't have been - he was so independent, 12 years younger than me and had a totally different life.
Just dreading the funeral, I know it has to happen and I will be involved in arrangements, but can't bear the thought. It's a strange feeling that all the years I tried to keep contact, he will be 'home in the UK' and I can only visit him in a cemetery. Any thoughts on how I can move on please?

Catwoman Firstly I’m very sorry you heard of your brother’s death in this way and also that you’re feeling so bleak.
I’m afraid it’s an aspect of modern life, that so many of us live our adult lives very far away from the siblings we grew up with. But even though the immediacy of the relationship isn’t there, the undefinable bond still is. But it’s only at times of crisis it becomes apparent. Did you feel protective towards him, when you were young?
You don’t say much about your sister in law but you could be a support to her and to your brother’s children.
I hope you don’t have to wait too long to have the funeral, and that when the time comes, you find it uplifting and it helps you to grieve and heal

I’m so sorry for your loss hula hoop.
Catwoman, I’m still trying to come to terms with my brothers death 4 years ago, we were estranged and after my mother’s death, he went away and I didn’t know where he lived.
Long story short, I thought that he would suddenly appear, we would have a chat/row and we would sort it all out and be friends again.
However, after a phone call from the Police that obviously wasn’t going to happen.
After knowing how he died, I assumed that he felt guilty and that’s why he wouldn’t speak to me, after reading some of his paperwork it turns out that he hated me for preventing our mother from giving him all her money.
Not an easy read.
But, I am choosing to remember him as my little brother, who went over into the woods with me when we were young, looking for slowworms and lizards, rather than the adult he became.

Thank you both for reading and responding to my post. Yes, all the memories come flooding back - still remember when mum brought him home from hospital when I was 12 and when our dad died when he was 3 , he was certainly spoilt rotten. I hadn't seen or spoken to sister in law for 8 years - only briefly when the police gave me her number. I hope to have some sort of relationship going forward, if only to help with the funeral, and hope that my nephews will keep in touch but they don't really know me - I was never given the opportunity to get to know them. Anyway, I know I will feel better in time - need to stop thinking about myself and how I feel - so much worse for my nephews.

I don't think you should be thinking about moving on, it is all so new and you have a lot to think about. What you are feeling sounds perfectly normal, lots of what ifs and so on. Just take it all as it comes and if you develop a relationship with your SIL or nephews that will be good but just let it happen naturally, don't try to force anything.

I think you should let you SiL make all the funeral arrangements while telling her you are happy to help if she lets you know what she wants you to do. Otherwise it could all be a minefield.

I lost my son suddenly last year and we have only just had the inquest. No reason for his death was found so please be prepared that you may not know any more than you do now.

They tell me it gets easier, I hope it does for you.

Thank you for your kind words and I'm very sorry for your loss

condolences, catwoman.

Siblings are a close and integral part of our growing up. However loose the relationship became over the years, he is a solid part of what made you as a child - so inevitably it is a life-changing moment when a sibling dies. I am sorry that you are having to deal with this sadness.