Gransnet forums



(74 Posts)
AlgeswifeVal Sun 06-May-18 21:11:53

How do you cope financially when your husband passes? My husband is very ill and getting near the end. I am so worried that when he dies and his pension goes I will be so hard up, as well as the grief that I will have.

tanith Sun 06-May-18 21:26:41

I will be financially worse off if OH died although I will get a part of his pension for a while. I can manage on what income I will have but certainly will have to dip into savings for larger purchases or holidays. I consider myself very lucky.
Have you done calculations? It may not be as bad as you fear.

paddyann Sun 06-May-18 21:30:47

if its a private pension you should be entitled to 50% of it ..or thats what my OH's says .You should spend a morning checking things now so that when the time comes its not weighing on your mind.Better to be forearmed with the knowledge than sleepless nights worrying about it.This is a sad time for you and I hope you have support around you to help you through .

Eglantine21 Sun 06-May-18 21:55:57

State benefits are quite complex because the system has been undergoing a lot of change. Citizens advice or Age Concern can help you.

Private pensions vary too. You really need the documentation to see what you’ll be entitled too.

I’m afraid you will find that there is less than you are used too. I downsized to make income fit outgoings but everyone’s circumstances are different. flowers

Luckygirl Sun 06-May-18 22:55:34

I am so sorry to hear your OH is so unwell. flowers

You do not need financial worries as well. Are you able to find the papers that outline how much of your OH's pension will be paid to you? At least you would then know where you stand. There are also things like council tax which reduce if you are the sole occupant of a house. I do think that if you can you should get some advice from CAB. It may be difficult to do that at the moment I realise, but it is your best route at present.

kittylester Mon 07-May-18 06:59:12

Exactly what everyone else says. AgeUk are brilliant.

silverlining48 Mon 07-May-18 08:19:07

I think i recall your earlier posts and am sorry to hear that your dh is so ill. So hard for you both. Make enquiries if you can from age uk etc if that helps you, but try not to worry too much at this time of such sadness.

Marydoll Mon 07-May-18 08:37:26

I'm so sorry that your husband is so ill. Having financial worries is the last thing you need.
Have you anyone family who can help you to look at the paper work? Your DH will have paper work regarding his pension. Many pension details are accessible online now, which may make things a bit simpler.
As the other posters have said, CAB and Age Concern should be able to advise.
You must be exhausted and sad, try an look after yourself, easier said than done.A?

GrandmaMoira Mon 07-May-18 10:36:58

I'm a widow and obviously only have one income now. But when my DH died I got the mortgage paid off, a lump sum from his employer, tax refund, Government lump sum towards the funeral, sickness benefit which hadn't come through before he died and a few other bits. This allowed me to have some savings which I didn't have before. I use this money for holidays and big things for the house.

Panache Mon 07-May-18 11:28:07

So sorry that you`re DH is so deeply unwell.

Whilst I would be in much the same frame of mind with financial worries, should the inevitable happen now.
I can well understand these financial hardships are the last thing you need at this very sad point of time.However you have been pointed in the right direction by such knowledgeable GN`s....... many of whom have already experienced this loss and change of their circumstances.
It is all very helpful and I am certainly being helped by following their advice.
I hope you do too.

callgirl1 Mon 07-May-18 15:50:34

I`m so sorry to read about your husband, and hope that he isn`t suffering too much. When my husband died, 19 months ago, I was scare as to how I`d cope financially. However, his works pension paid me a lump sum from his pension, which was good, then I found that I was entitled to a state pension, that I thought I wasn`t entitled to, and should have been claiming it for 7 years, they offered me a higher pension or a lump sum as back pay, so I took the lump sum, which enabled me to get certain vitally necessary jobs and improvements done to the house, which we could never afford before. And I still have most of the lump sum from his pension left, so now have more money than I`ve ever had.
Hubby didn`t have life insurance, and didn`t leave very much, but it was just enough to pay for his funeral, before I found out about what I was entitled to.

AlgeswifeVal Mon 07-May-18 18:33:48

Thank you all for the kind words and advice. Most grateful.

Blue45Sapphire Tue 08-May-18 09:19:51

I too worried about how I would cope financially after DH died, but I found that I got half of his pensions, plus one of them gave me a lump sum. Luckily he also had insurance, which has paid out. I can remember when he took it out in 1972, the year we got married - it was £8 a month, a fortune in those days! Hoping to save a bit by cutting back on heating, he always felt so cold, so the heating and fire were on constantly. But I'd rather have him back.......

grannytotwins Tue 08-May-18 10:17:23

I’m so sorry for your husband’s situation. I won’t have enough to pay the monthly bills if my husband goes first. My pensions work out at £7000 a year and he has minimal private pensions through being self employed and a divorce about 25 years ago. I sincerely hope that you will have enough to live on. We have no savings. All we have is our house which is mortgage free. I’d have to sell and buy something cheaper which I would hate as I love my home or try for equity release. I hope he outlives me.

Wilma65 Tue 08-May-18 10:21:18

If you have a low income you can get pension credit. Also if you live alone you get a reduction in your council tax. Get some advice from CAB now to help reassure you what you will get. If you don’t get a full state pension it will be made up from your husbands contributions when he dies, that happened to a friend of mine recently

Hermia46 Tue 08-May-18 10:21:28

What an awful situation. Recent extremely serious illness with my OH has prompted us to establish a joint fund in the building society to which we both have individual access. In addition while he was in hospital he gave me all his log in details for his accounts so that I could pay bills etc. Very difficult at such a sensitive time to broach the subject of money but practically it is essential. flowers

DotMH1901 Tue 08-May-18 10:23:37

I would go and have a chat with an adviser from the Citizens Advice Bureau - they will be able to tell you what you will be entitled to claim. I was widowed when I was 42, I got a widows pension and a lump sum that paid off the mortgage and bills from my husband's workplace but did not qualify for anything else as I was too young for the then Widows Pension paid if you were 45 or over (now called Bereavement Allowance) and didn't have any children under 18 so couldn't claim the Widowed Mothers allowance either. I was told I would need to sign on at the Jobcentre and look for work. This page has a calculator that might help you work out what you are entitled to claim

Lindylou57 Tue 08-May-18 10:35:06

My brother in law passed away recently after a long illness. Before he died he wrote out everything, pension details and what my sister should be entitled to, all the savings accounts, premium bonds etc they had, their account numbers, value of each etc, what their outgoings were, when insurance etc had to be renewed and who it was with, who to call and a sheet about who to contact after his death,absolutely everything to do with finances and what he wanted for his funeral. including all passwords etc for social media and other on line accounts. That little booklet he made was invaluable to my sister who hasn't paid a bill or anything in over 20 years since they married. She has struggled with his loss but his thoughtfulness in doing this has eased her burden significantly. I would say everyone should spend a day doing this and informing children or other family members where it is so that they can find it in event you both die together. I cant stress how much it has helped at this awful time. My best wishes to you at this tough time AlgeswifeVal.

keffie Tue 08-May-18 10:39:41

I have just lost my husband too, 8 weeks ago so know all about this unfortunately. I have attached a link below to the bereavement support for financial help. It is simple to do and they will do the claim on the phone once you have the death certificate.

Bamm Tue 08-May-18 10:41:57

When my husband died three years ago I got half of his private pension and a full state pension from his contributions ( I didn't have enough contributions for a full pension in my own right ). I believe if your income consists of state pension only you can claim pension credit and other things too. Do get advice, it will help I am sure.

Carolpaint Tue 08-May-18 10:42:27

Sorry that you and many other women are in this situation, pre dreading often more frightening than having concrete things to deal with. Many years ago Shirley Conrad wrote a book, do not rely on your man to provide, unfortunately he can leave by death or choice. Please make sure all our daughters understand this MAKE YOUR OWN PROVISION.
There is much good advice here. I was widowed suddenly at 48, honestly reality works out better than the horrors of imagination, especially as you are going through a very sad time.

Legs55 Tue 08-May-18 10:42:54

When DH died I lost over half of our household income as his (very good) State Pension died with him as did his (miniscule) Company Pension. As he was 14 years older than me we had discussed what I would do if (whenhmm) I was left on my own. I decided I would move to be closer to DD & DGS.

I waited 12 months after his death before I put my property on the market & a further 14 months to sell, during this time my debts were mounting. I moved (downsized), cleared my debts, did a few jobs in my garden. I no longer have any savings but my outgoings are reasonable & I manage to socialise although I do have to budget carefully.

Whether you feel you want to put your mind at rest now or later take the advice given by others, ensure that you do claim everything you are entitled to, many Pensioners are not aware of the available help/

Batey Tue 08-May-18 10:43:22

Sorry to hear of your distress. Never easy. Personally I've never had a husband so perhaps be aware and grateful for all the love and support he has provided. I was too busy earning a living to do any living. Took any job to survive. So I'm not a gran or mother or wife. Still working at 65. No family to help. No children. Perhaps we should focus on the truth that there is always someone worse off somewhere. You will get through. All will become clear.

ReadyMeals Tue 08-May-18 10:48:07

According to our understanding, my husband's pension would continue at half the full rate for my lifetime. However I am expected to die first since he is 14 years younger than me. He already treats me like a doddery old fool smile

grandadoscar Tue 08-May-18 10:58:43

even though very difficult at this time. Check out whats in your husbands name solely to make it easier for you later on. he could possibly add you in or make things just in your name ie BT. such people were very difficult with my father in law I'm sorry to say. echoing Lindylou57 advice really on getting all password etc written down and any accounts.

best wishes.