Correspondence

I sort of turned the tables on one of these companies a while ago. It is a firm dealing in personalized gifts and they wrote to me just before Fathers’ Day saying ‘Nona, describe your dad in one word.’ I wrote back, ‘Dead.’
To be fair they wrote a very nice letter back, apologizing for their insensitivity and saying they would speak to their marketing department to ensure things like this were avoided.

It is so insensitive, inefficient and distressing for relatives. My sympathies to you MawBroon. My MIL died over 10 years ago and we still regularly get mail for her regarding shares she held which were long since transferred to DH. We have told them countless times to change the mailing details to no avail. We've given up now.

My sympathies to Maw Broon and everyone else who has been saddened, as we all are, by receiving mail addressed to a loved one who is no longer with us.

It is always inexcusable, and difficult to deal with, as we have all, as most of you say, had to phone or write numerous times before the matter was sorted out. I think what happens is that the person who answers the phone probably makes the change in Word or whatever program they use for the actually labels and letters, but doesn't think to alter the Database!

The letter that gave me the most eerie feeling ever, was one addressed to Mr. James grandtante. You see, James was the brother I never met, as he died 7 hours old, two and a half years prior to my arrival. When the gooseflesh had subsided, I realised the company had misread my Christian name, but it wasn't a nice feeling.

I am currently trying to find out why the cemetery, although notified of my sister's death and asked to send the account for the annual upkeep of our parents' graves to me, haven't done so. As my sister's ashes are at the other end of the same cemetery, I had expected they realised there was little point in sending the invoice to her address!

On a lighter note, the same cemetery has or had a notice up at the entrance that definitely belonged in the category of things that could have been better put.

It asked: " Are you satisfied with your grave?" My sister, when visiting our mother's grave, was reduced to helpless giggles, and I caught them too, when upon reading that notice DS remarked, "I don't know, not having lain there yet." (We nearly wet ourselves laughing.) Presumably, the cemetery office was enquiring whether relatives were satisfied with the state of family graves, but honestly, not everyone who read that notice will have found it as amusing as we did.

It is upsetting. After my DH died I kept getting a survey from the ambulance service asking how he rated their service.
I threw them away until the third arrived. I wrote on it in big letters, "I cannot answer your survey because I am dead" and sent it back.
Not a sniff from them since, nor an apology.

My sympathies to all of you upset by these unthinking unfeeling companies. My brother is dealing with some of this as he is executor of my Fathers estate and has POA for my Mother. He has had letters addressed to Father with Deceased after the name, it doesnt help that he has the same name!
Just before Fathers day this year I received an email from a courier company I use saying "not going to see Dad for Fathers Day? Why not send him a present with us"! I wrote back saying I didnt know they delivered to the afterlife. To give them their due I did get an abject apology and the promise their marketing team would change the wording in future.

Sorry mawbroon about yet another sting in the pain of grief. I count myself lucky that this has not happened to me and I have in fact met with some very thoughtful remarks when dealing with bereavement business, in particular from very young sounding people. In fact I have been more tearful in the face of kindness than abruptness. What I really struggle with is if the phone goes at a certain time of day and just for a minute ...... well I expect you all know what I mean. ?

Re MissAdventure's post on page one, that sounds like a scam. So glad you didn't fall for it but many people do.

Oh Maw , how upsetting. When DD had her first miscarriage she had no less than 3 letters and 2 phone calls berating her for missing ante natal appts, despite us keep informing the midwives of the sad outcome. Yes, mistakes do occur but sometimes, in some cases, it can cause a lot of pain. Hugs to you.

A week ago I suffered my second retinal tear in 18 months. I’ve now had one in each eye. Why?? I’m a fit & healthy 60 year old. The ophthalmologist says it’s probably from being short sighted and picking up something heavy. Ok, last year I think it was from picking up a heavy garden tub. This year we’ve moved and, yes, I’ve been getting stuck in to shifting stuff around! Has anyone else any experience of this? I’d love to know I’m not alone. The resulting laser treatment is very unpleasant!!

Sorry. I think I’ve posted this in the wrong place.....?!

Nannymags, I hope your eye improves, but oh Lord you did make me laugh!??

Maw,
Nothing can be more irritating or insensitive than an untimely 'form' letter. They are often crafted with standardized company language to cover any number of circumstances and save them time.

I know this won't soothe your feelings in any way, but the letter was addressed to you, not the deceased, which indicates awareness. So, it may help to consider that the wording wasn't meant to indicate a change of address, but rather a change in status (letter was very poorly worded).

They once had your husbands address and information for doing business, but based on the information you gave them, they have amended that information (i.e. his records) accordingly.

So sorry you got that stupid letter. Mourning is a process......It's good that you enjoyed spending time with your family.

Hugs, Willa

Sorry...amended (i.e. THEIR records.....

OK......scratch everything except the last two lines. I just realized the letter was addressed to Mr. Broom. Sorry Maw....my bad.

I have found that if you put "Deceased. Return to sender." on these publicity items and magazines which keep coming, it does work in the end. You may have to send it back several times. I had one letter addressed to "Dear Mr.................. Deceased" and wondered if they had a stairway to heaven. Perhaps they thought that was his name!

So sorry you had this happen
My DH died Boxing Day 2017, dreading that coming around this year. My bank has refused to accept the death certificate,it is the official copy you receive when registering the death but am told the want the original one,got onto the register office to ask about this but was told the original stays with them and the copy I sent out should have been excepted, it was by everyone else so consequently I am receiving a bank statement every month for him,asked if it can go paperless,at least wouldn’t keep coming through the door but told my DH would need to contact them to confirm it

Condolences madmum
I was advised to get several copies of paws death certificate when I registered his death as subsequent copies would be more expensive. I got six which made things so much easier.
If they are certified copies they should be accepted. Also in my experience whenever I sent a copy of the death certificate e.g. to the bank, for probate, life insurance, ISA’s etc, it was returned within a couple of days often by registered post or recorded delivery.
Our bank’s Bereavement Team were very understanding and kind when I spoke to them on the phone and then at the branch. Your DH’s account should have been closed and /or transferred to you when he died as everything is “frozen” at that point so that Probate can be applied for.
I think you need to talk to them again, but of course this is distressing for you.

Try putting the correspondence in another envelope and re-addressing it back to the person or firm who sent it to you. Don't put a stamp on it. Having to pay to receive it back will hurt them in their pocket and may be a deterrent.

I suppose you would have to exercise some discretion.

Dear Maw, I'm happy to see you can remember some of Paw's wise words and I hope remembering them didn't result in you becoming even sadder. I do hope he and Daddy grandtante meet up in the corridors of heaven, because "Engage brain before opening mouth" is a sentiment my late father would heartily endorse, as would most of the Jesuit fathers I have had the good fortune to meet in the course of my teaching career. Suspect Ignatius of Loyola heartily approves of it too.

Some months after my grandfather died (a long time ago) a letter came for him to check his contact details because for his last few months he had been in a retirement home. For his current address I wrote 'In Heaven'. Never heard from them again.

Thank you Maw x

My father always supported a particular charity so at his funeral we asked for donations to the charity in lieu of flowers.
Some weeks later a letter arrived from the charity addressed to him asking if he would like to increase his annual donation. We returned the letter to them stating that not only had they been informed of his death but that the charity had received quite a generous donation collected at his funeral.
We eventually got a somewhat belated thankyou for the donation and an apology for the begging letter.

We still get letters addressed to the dead wife of the previous owner. She died about 4 years ago.
It's a dilemma , should we forward these or not?
He can't cancel them , if he doesn't know about them and the information may be relevant to him. I understand that it's illegal to just throw the letters away.

My DM died 11 years ago this year. Largely all letters and magazines finally stopped after a couple of years, but in January I received a letter addressed to her from National Premium bonds saying she had won £25 I contacted them to be told she didn’t have any premium bonds (which I already knew?) and that it was an error! I was still upset that they had written to her as I knew for a fact that the solicitor had contacted them 11 years ago to cash in her bonds as part of probate!

Here's hoping you could just put not known at this address and put them back in the post at least then you are not holding on to them