Bereavement is discovering who your true friends are!

I agree with most of tgexsentiments aboove and I do try to apeak to bereaved people appropriately although I find it very difficult. But I once had my head bitten off when I tried to offer sympathy!
When my mother dies unexpectantly (we were very close) a 'friend' asked me the following week if I had got over it yet! I was lost for words and mumbled not really or something!

I have been very lucky in my friends since my DH died two years ago. I have had, and still get, lots of support. I do know from other bereaved people that some people appear very unsympathetic. I do think, though, that some of that is because they do not know what to say. Also, they may have had a bereavement themselves and cannot cope with someone else’s emotions.

When my mother died a long time ago her death was in the local paper and I contacted everyone I could think of. Then I received a telephone call from someone my mother had known since I started school, they had got to know each other at the school gate and met up from time to time. She was absolutely furious that I hadn't let her know, said how hurt she was, how she had known my mother for 20+ years. Not one word of sympathy. I can't remember now if she came to the funeral. Perhaps she hadn't found out in time. Not informing her was a complete oversight on my part although to be honest I didn't see her as a bosom friend of my mother.

Oh the kindness of strangers. You certainly know who your true friends are after a bereavement. When our young beloved grandson died after a long severe illness, we found a void of support from "friends" we had known for many years. Perhaps they couldn't find the words but showing some empathy wouldn't have gone amiss. Such difficult times but happy memories are always there to brighten our days.

I don't think Shysal, a shy young teenager at the time, could have been expected to know what to say to the widow of a man who met with a tragic end on the railway line.

Yes, I have noticed people find it hard to know what to say. I usually send a letter or a card and, when I see the bereaved person, I just say "How nice to see you. I really was sorry". The bereaved person replies with "thank you" and proceeds to talk either about the death or other things.

Your neighbour is also recently bereaved perhaps she couldn't deal with your loss soon after her own . My condolences .

dragonfly45 I'm so sorry that you have lost your dad and I can quite understand why you were upset by this lady's response.

I think whether a person is religious or not probably doesn't have an awful lot to do with how kind and thoughtful they are. A lady who has been a good friend to my mum is a catholic and visits my mum regularly and sometimes takes her out. She is such a nice person. Another religious friend can't resist the opportunity of delivering a sermon to a captive audience when she visits mum.

Some religious people are lovely, some are not. Some atheists/agnostics are lovely, some are not. I do agree, though, that those who loudly profess to be Christian really should try and live up to that description.

I had a similar experience to Greebfran -my best friend and I were pregnant together. I had a heamthy child and hers was still born. I didnt know what to do as visiting bringing my baby seemed a crass thing to do so in the end i wrote a note and said how sorry i was and put it through her door. She came round to visit me a few days later and I kept my baby out of sight and tried not to refer to him much. We remained friends.

I think it's probably people who have never had a bereavement who don't know what to say. If you have been through it, you know that any offer of help or sympathy is welcome and you certainly don't want to be avoided. I am fortunate to have many widowed friends who were a great support when I lost my husband a year ago.