Friends and family

My and DH oldest friend has just died very shortly after being admitted to hospital. We were out with her and her DH on the Friday before she was taken ill the next day and admitted to CCU with sepsis. Luckily everybody who knows us well knows how close we were and has given us their condolences. When visiting, somebody asked if I was a relative of J and I said no, just a friend. J's sister said you're not just a friend you're a close and long time friend, which I thought was lovely.

Personally andI know full well that a hail of bullets will be likely but that's fine, I think that condolences are useless, likewise sympathy. My parents died decades ago and all the sympathy in the world would not have made me feel any better. No-one would have felt my pain, it's just the correct thing to say.
As it was, I went in to work the next day and didn't tell anyone, after all, what could they say or do which would have comforted me? I would have likely put them in the uncomfortable position of offering sympathy, hugs and back patting which would have just prolonged the hurt.
I have wonderful memories of parents who gave me a magical childhood and a tough spirit so there is nothing to be sad about. They wouldn't have liked the way the world has changed anyway.

Sorry for your loss *Granny Activist*.

People can be insensitive, when my Step-Father died I applied for 1 week compassionate leave to be with DM & for the Funeral (250 miles from our home). My Boss said "oh but it's only your S-F", my response was I had known him all my life & he had been married to my DM for over 20 years (I was 44)

A dear friend of mine died and I sobbed for ages. My husband just sat nearby and didn't say a word let alone offer a hug. Made me feel even more upset.

GrannyA I read about your friendship on another thread. I was touched by your and other stories of great closeness and kindness. Sincere condolences

Also Minerva so sorry to hear of your loss. You will always treasure your friendship

In response to Juliet27, perhaps he didn't know what to say.

GrannyA - Very sorry that your family have lost so dear a friend.

Kathsue - Current rules about, and responses to, absences in some schools are verging on batshit. Years ago the heart came before the tickbox and the automatic response communication.

I lost an amazing lady a few months ago. She was a wonderful friend. I know exactly what you mean. But I was lucky enough to have some people around who loved her like I did. We gave each other comfort.
I'm sending you a hug and best wishes ?

I’m sorry you’ve had a such a sad loss grannyA. Many folk have never experienced close relationships outside of their own family circle and just don’t realise how important these relationships can be and then aren’t able to understand the huge sense of loss. Others of us have formed friendships with folk who over the years have become “as family” to us.

I have a very good friend of over 45 years standing, she is 30 years and more older than I am. I can’t imagine life without her there and will have a great sense of loss when that happens, as will my husband and children too. I’m glad you had people to share in your sadness purplepoppies.

Condolences Granny A. We have lost a very close friend suddenly just a few days ago - we are struggling to imagine what life will be like for us without him in it, whilst trying to offer support to his wife and ACs (all also very good friends of our whole family). We have holidayed together for many years, celebrated Christmases and New Years and special birthdays and anniversaries. Luckily we have several friends who have been kind enough to recognise our loss and our ACs have been sending us little caring messages frequently.

I'm so sorry to read that the experience of others has mirrored my own. to all who are mourning the loss of friends and family.

The English language probably has a richer vocabulary and more synonyms than any other language so it's disappointing that we don't have a word to describe a particularly close friend.

Yes a good friend of ours died suddenly in a traffic accident along with other members of her family. It isn’t a competition-if you lose someone you love its natural to feel bereaved whether they are family or friend.

Sorry I meant to add so sorry for your loss-as others have said words do not convey the empathy for the loss of your dear friend ?

I am so sorry to hear that your dear friend has died. What's the saying...you can't chose your family, but you can chose your friends, and we are often closer to our dear friends than family. Please talk, share memories with people, and explain how dear he was to you to people.