Green/Eco Burial

I had a direct cremation for my father as my mother has dementia and could not attend a funeral and my AC who would have come, live some distance away. He was nearly 98 and had no living friends. When my mum passes we are planning to take their ashes to Tenerife and sprinkle them there as they were happiest there in their later years. We will have a celebration of their lives then.

Granny3rose

I have talked about having a woodland burial for a long time. However, the woodland burial site nearest to me is not at all what I had always envisaged, and my daughter really doesn't like it. More and more, I like the idea of donating my body to my local university for medical students. My family are fine with this idea. none of us are believers in any religion. I would hope to leave enough money for them to have a nice meal/party, whatever they wanted to do, inviting any friends of mine who were still around. You have to have an alternative burial arrangement however as not all bodies are accepted. There is also a hope of Sheffield University (I think) becoming involved in a planned "body farm". Patricia Cornwell fans will know what this is and the ethos behind it.

Might your DH's disillusionment with the church be solved by attending mass in another parish? It sounds as if the main problem is the sort of busybody nearly all parishes have at least one of.

By all means plan a green burial - if you feel the need of a religious ceremony when the time approaches, you can always arrange it.

It is a little known fact, but even a lapsed catholic has the right to a catholic burial and a requiem mass. If a parish priest should refuse to officiate, the bishop will soon put him right!

MawBroon Thank you.

DH's family are all Catholic and most of his relatives, including his parents, were cremated, so yes, it is allowed. I can only think of one elderly aunt who wished to be buried.

Does anyone have experience of these funerals that do cremations only, and then the ashes are collected by the family and done with whatever the person's wishes were.

Wellingtonpie, I have just posted above that I arranged that for my father. It was not a question of cost, although it is a lot cheaper. As he was nearly 98 and there would only have been 4 of us at the funeral, I couldn't face the thought of how bleak it would be in the crematorium. Further more I hate seeing the coffin disappearing. The funeral director told me what time he would be cremated - it was not at our local crematorium but one further away and in much prettier surroundings. I went up to the funeral home the day before and said my goodbyes and about a week after the cremation the funeral home rang me to say his ashes were with them and they would keep them until I wanted them. When my mum goes we are going to have a family celebration scattering the ashes in Tenerife where they were happiest in their latter years. At that great age I feel it should be more of a celebration of life than a mourning of a death. As a family we feel comfortable with the decision.

Catholics have been allowed to be cremated since 1966, that is over 50 years ago. Why so many people, especially catholics are unaware of this, amazes me.

All off DF's family, he was one of 11, and their spouses have
been cremated, not one burial.

I want to go straight from the morgue to the crematorium then when my ashes are ready to be collected, go to a green burial site and put in the ground with a nice tree on top. What they do after is up to them!

Stella14 while your idea sounds lovely, do bear in mind that the weather may not be right for picnics etc. I attended a friend's green burial three years ago in November - driving rain and a bitterly cold wind made the burial ground (which is in a beautiful spot, but high on a hillside) very, very cold, wet and muddy
We were all given a shot glass of whisky at the graveside - to drink or pour onto the coffin as preferred - and then a hot meal, tea and coffee was provided at a nearby community centre - I've rarely been so glad of hot food and drink..! Make alternative plans - just in case.

My sisters friend had a green burial, and my sister found it very bleak, although this was in the middle of winter.
It was just a field in some farmland, full of puddles.
Summer will be when it seems much better.

When my darling husband passed away last year he was cremated but when I got his ashes back I put them under a rhododendron bush in our garden over looking the hills of highland Perthsire where he'd always loved, I then planted a beautiful red rose bush over the top, it flourished through the summer and on into to winter, even through the snow. Unfortunately I've now had to move but I've brought the rose bush with me in the hopes it would survive and it has , it makes me believe there's part of him here with me and he approves of what I've done. Just go with your heart op I'm sure the right answer will come to you, as for your neighbour make it known to all that matter and will have responsibility of making arrangements that you want a private funeral, by invitation only.
Lastly although I do agree you need to have these conversations don't get too hung up on them, enjoy each other now for as long as you can, time passes too quickly .

My Husbands Sister died two years ago, and when we got to the Church for the religious ceremony we were totally surprised to see a photo of his Sister next to some flowers and the urn on this little table, yes she had already been cremated, it was far less dramatic than seeing the coffin at the altar, this is inSsweden, do they do this in the UK I wonder.

I suppose it could be arranged that way, but its not the norm here.

Some loving and very tender stories told here. And very brave ones. ????????

Dragonfly46. Many thanks. You echo my feelings on the crematorium bleakness. Also it is so costly and I don't want my family to have to find thousands of pounds just to put me in a hole in the ground. It's good to get some first hand info on someone else's experience of a direct cremation. Thank you.

When my DH was cremated earlier this year it was a lovely service, taken by my brother, a retired priest. When I'd been to cremations before I hated seeing the curtains drawing and the coffin disappearing. My brother did it differently. During the last hymn he invited close family to come and stand around the coffin, where we remained for the committal words and recessional music. I was able to put my hand on the coffin, say my last farewell before we walked out. The coffin remained where it was until everyone had left. It made it so much easier.

When my DH had his diagnosis, he made all the decisions and arrangements for his 'exit', including the funeral directors, his eco plot and even a farewell speech at his celebration of life following his internment. He specified a low key burial and named those he wanted present. We did everything he asked and not only was it deeply personal, we knew it truly was what he wanted and we felt content.

Totallylost, both my parents passed away in 2008, within a couple of months of each other (it was a horrid year ), and both were cremated. The ashes stayed at the funeral directors while I tried to decide where they should go (there's more to this than indecision but it's complicated). As I ended up moving into their property - my childhood home - I eventually decided that I would inter their ashes in the garden. It was their home for 40 years after all! I buried the ashes under a lovely, purple rose bush called Rhapsody In Blue (quite fitting, seeing as my late father was a musician ) and this year - the tenth anniversary of their death - it flowered more profusely than it has ever done. When their beloved cat (given a home by my daughter) passed away we put his ashes near to theirs so they are all together.

My own choice would be to be cremated and then interred in a woodland setting as I adore nature and trees.

Unfortunately you can't ban someone from a funeral in a church (or a wedding for that matter) as it's a public place.

Near us an enterprising chap has built a recreation of a Neolithic burial mound and you can book a niche there for your ashes. DH had a cousin who had a woodland burial 20+ years ago and it was lovely. The site was new and the idea was to plant a tree over the grave so that the site would eventually become a wood.

Another friend's mother died last year and is buried on a hillside in Somerset, in a new 'green' burial site, in a wicker coffin.

Do some online research and I'm sure you'll find similar options. Can't offer any advice on how to deal with Mrs Busybody tho!